


A Storm in the Form of a Girl

by SpiritQuartz



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-04-23 08:53:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 72,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4870810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritQuartz/pseuds/SpiritQuartz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starts mid-episode on 'Reflections' and goes AU from there. What secrets is Mara keeping? What's her agenda, and why?<br/>What do you say when nobody believes you anyway?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Handprints

**Author's Note:**

> No copyright infringement intended. This will contain certain aspects from my other stories that have become personal canon for me.

"Once there came a storm in the form of a girl

It blew to pieces my snug little world"

-Ain't Gonna Rain Anymore by Nick Cave

* * *

Mara thought she'd actually been a very accommodating prisoner, all things considered. Absolutely everything had gone straight to hell the moment she'd gotten control of _her own body_ , thank you very much; people had yanked her around, chained her up, threatened her...

Not one of them had asked her anything, really. And _nobody_ had said "please". That was the problem with people these days. No manners.

She watched Duke pace, finally throwing his little journal in a fit of temper. He was sweating, pale and definitely shaky. She stretched her shoulders to try and settle the discomfort in her stomach.

The problem was, she _knew_ , without a doubt, that she could fix him. Not take his Trouble away, but fix it. Make it follow it's original purpose. She could make him _amazing_.

If only she had some Aether.

He didn't believe she'd fix him- that much was obvious, and so she lied when he asked why she would save him. The lie he'd be most likely to believe- that she wanted to fix him to protect herself.

Mara sat, face carefully neutral as Duke said, "So you're just in this to save your own skin."

She shrugged, humming.

"Well, at least it's honest. Almost makes me like you."

He was a terrible liar. She couldn't conceal her grin as she replied, "Good. Now stop sulking and go find that damned Aether."

His phone rang _again_.

"Oh, just answer it. Tell them you've decided to end the Troubles by killing me. Go ahead. Maybe they'll leave you alone for five minutes so you can think."

He tossed the phone at her. "You want to talk to him, go ahead."

She caught it before it could hit her face. She narrowed her eyes. He thought she wouldn't do it.

She stared at Duke as she answered. "Yes, Nathan?"

Nathan stuttered, caught off guard. "Where's Duke?'

"What, no ' _Hello, Mara, good morning_ '? How impolite. Duke's busy at the moment. Wanna leave a message?"

"Damn it, where are you? I need to talk to him!"

Huh. There was genuine urgency in his voice. Not just the normal, growly tone he used when he wasn't getting what he wanted. It made her curious, and she leaned forward, her elbows on her knees as she asked, very slowly, "Why? What's so important?"

"Audrey's sick. It's not the contagion, and I need his help!"

The words came out before she could stop them. Nasty old habit. "Sick how? Explain."

"Why the hell would I tell you?"

Her voice dropped, heavy with warning. "Because _I'm_ the only one listening."

"A cough, chills, pale, weak. I took her to Dr. Cross, but she's getting worse."

Mara froze. "Did you say Dr. _Cross_?"

"Yeah, Charlotte Cross, the CDC doctor."

Well, that explained the lead ball in her stomach. She gazed at Duke. "Keep your phone on, I'll call you back." She ignored his protests and hung up.

Charlotte was back. Pretending to be CDC, even. Nathan had brought Audrey to her. She'd know by now that Mara wasn't in there. Or, more precisely, that Audrey wasn't in _here_.

So the question was, how much of her old self was she willing to leave behind to be free? She pursed her lips, deep in thought.

"What'd he want?" Duke snapped at her. He really was cranky. If he didn't release a Trouble soon...

It bothered her that she cared so much.

"Audrey is sick."

Great, now the lovesick puppydog look. "What's wrong with her? Is it serious?"

"They don't know." She considered, eyeing Duke as she continued, "But I might."

"No riddles, Mara. Do you know what's wrong with her or not?"

"I'd have to see her to tell for sure. But I know the doctor he took her to isn't going to help her."

"Why wouldn't the doctor help her?"

She spoke in a quiet, husky voice. "You think I'm a bad, bad person. Evil. Deceptive. Dangerous. _Doctor Charlotte Cross_ ," she said the name with a sneer that made her nose wrinkle, "is much worse."

Duke scoffed. "How would you know?"

She leaned back, crossing her arms. "Because she's my mother."

He shook his head, grimacing. "What's the angle now, Mara? What are you playing?"

She tilted her head as she looked at him. "You think I just hatched this way? I was born and raised same as you. I wasn't always like this. You think I don't know what it's like to be ignored, marginalized. To be _used_ and abandoned. The truth is, I understand you better than you know."

"Right, right. We're kindred spirits, you're the only one who _gets_ me. So the doctor who just showed up from the CDC just coincidentally happens to be your mother? Bullshit. "

Mara crossed her legs, staring at him defiantly. "There's nothing coincidental about it. And she's not from the CDC. But that's not the _point_ , Duke."

"Alright. Educate me. What _is_ the point, Mara?"

He was sweating. She could _feel_ him getting sicker. If she handled this right, maybe this situation could help her get what she needed.

"The point is, Audrey is sick, and if it's what I think it is, I'm the only one who can help her. I know you... _love_ her."

This was stupid. She was being stupid. But if she helped Audrey, she'd get what she needed to help Duke. Maybe he'd even start to trust her a little.

She really, really wanted to help Duke.

"If you want me to, I'll help her. For you."

"Right. But what will you want in return, huh?"

"From you? Nothing. It's a gift. Do you want me to help her, Duke?"

He closed his eyes, and his jaw was clenched, hands in fists at his sides. He was wondering what he'd be losing in this deal. Finally, he spit the words at her, "Yes, I want you to help her."

Mara nodded, picking his phone back up and hitting the redial button.

"Duke?"

"Not hardly. I need to see Audrey. Dr. Cross isn't going to help her. In fact, I bet you already know she's not CDC, don't you?"

"How do you know?"

"Oh, don't worry. I'm sure you'll find out soon enough, and you won't believe me anyway. But I'll make you a deal, _Nathan_. I'll fix Audrey, if you give me enough Aether to fix Duke."

He was trapped, they both knew it. If he refused, Audrey would keep getting worse. "How do I know I can trust you?"

"You don't. But I'm your only option. Audrey for Duke. No tricks, no traps."

"Fine. Where?"

"Meet us at the _Rouge_. I'll know if you try to trick me. Just remember, if it's what I think it is, I'm the _only_ one who can help her. You can't feel her anymore, can you? It's alright, you don't have to answer. But if it's true, she's going to get worse. When can you be there?"

"Maybe 20 minutes."

"Meet you there."

She hung up, looking away from Duke. "We need to go, Duke."

"Whatever you're planning, you're not unlocking a Thinny. I'll shoot you. I can hurt you a lot without killing you."

She rolled her eyes, still not looking at him. If only he had the first clue how much she wanted to stay away from her 'home'. "Don't be an idiot. Did you not hear me say we're going to the _Rouge_? There are no Thinnies there and you know it. Don't be petulant. We need to _go_ , Duke. Before you _both_ get worse."

He unlocked the cuff, grabbing her arm and hauling her up. Oh, that would definitely bruise.

She wasn't the only one leaving handprints on people.


	2. Lost in Translation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not mine!

Mara was anxious, staring around vigilantly as she stepped onto the boat. She was half-afraid Charlotte would show up. But Nathan was fairly predictable when it came to Audrey. He knew he couldn't trust Charlotte, but he didn't know _why_ , which in his mind made Mara the lesser of two evils. He'd do what she asked him, if only to save Audrey. He wouldn't give her Aether just to help his 'best friend', but the second Blondie needed help, he was willing to do anything.

He didn't deserve the faith Duke had in him. The things Duke had done for him. And Audrey was every bit as cutthroat as Mara herself. She hadn't hesitated to get Duke to kill for her- repeatedly. Mara hadn't done anything that the little Saint hadn't done herself, the difference was, Mara had the decency to be honest about it.

"Duke, you need to sit down before you fall down. Let go of my arm, damn it. It was _my_ idea to come here."

"Yeah, that's exactly why I'm not letting go."

She let her irritation drip into her words. "If you wanted to hold me, Duke, you should have just asked."

He dropped her arm like it had burned him. She stepped away a bit, shaking her hand to get the feeling back. She leaned against the wall, arms crossed as they waited, glaring at each other as he finally flopped down in a seat. He looked rough, but they had some time. She could fix him before he had to vent another Trouble.

They heard footsteps and she straightened up, schooling her features into careful impassivity. She wasn't going to get emotionally involved, no matter what. She _wasn't_.

Her breath caught as she saw Audrey walk in with Nathan, arms crossed and face blank; exactly like Mara herself. But that wasn't what made Mara's stomach twist and heart race.

Audrey looked bad- almost transparent, and though she tried to hide it, a dry, rasping cough burst from her. It was exactly what Mara had thought.

But she hadn't expected to _care_.

Centuries of old habit from before the Barn took over, and she just couldn't help it. She approached Audrey immediately, hands up in a submissive gesture. Audrey flinched as Mara reached out to lay a hand against her forehead. "Damn it, how long have you been sick?"

Audrey was staring at her like she was a rattlesnake about to strike. "Since the contagion. Why?"

"You need to lie down. Now." She rolled her neck, stretching before she added, "Please."

Always so stubborn, Audrey sat on the couch, arms still crossed defensively.

"Did you bring the Aether, Nathan?"

"I'm not giving you anything until you fix Audrey."

"Well that's just great, Captain Underpants, but I need some to do it."

"No! Why? You want me to let you give her a Trouble?"

Mara clenched her jaw. Idiots.

"Aether is used for a lot more than giving Troubles. She's sick because she's dependent on Aether, and there _is_ none in that body."

"What do you mean?" Audrey finally asked.

Mara pulled a chair over so she could sit near Audrey, trying not to show any emotion as she spoke.

"This body, _my_ body, is full of Aether. It's what-" she barely stopped herself before she could say, 'keeps me alive'.

"Nevermind. But you started out in this body, so you're dependent on it as well. None of the Aether transferred over when we split. Your body is falling apart because there's no Aether holding it together. If you don't let me fix it, you'll get worse, and you'll be dead in a week. Let me _help you_."

"Why would you want to help me?"

Mara met her gaze evenly. "Because Duke asked me."

Audrey couldn't cover her next coughing fit. It was like Mara could see her double getting paler every moment. The desperation finally crept into her voice as she asked, "What do you have to lose?"

Nathan pulled the vial from his pocket and Mara had to blink repeatedly. Her Aether.

"How many are left?"

She gritted her teeth as Nathan carelessly shook the vial, counting. "Please try to to be more gentle with it."

"Seven blobs."

She stretched her neck again. "Not 'blobs'. 'Orbs'. Show some respect. It's enough for both of them, but barely. Audrey, let me do this. I don't want anything from you. I just want to help."

Duke scoffed quietly, and Mara stood, rounding on him. "Shut up! You know nothing, absolutely _nothing_ about me. I used to be a _healer_ , you idiot. Fucking people, I swear. So obsessed with your old books and journals and legends, and none of you know what the hell you're talking about! You weren't there. _I was_. So let me do my fucking job."

She held her hand out for the vial, waiting with her mouth pressed tightly closed. She was already berating herself for letting Duke needle her into a reaction. They didn't deserve answers until they asked the right questions. If they were too dim to do that, they didn't deserve answers.

"You can have _one_. One to fix Audrey, and then whatever you need to fix Duke, and I'm taking the rest back."

Mara spoke through gritted teeth. " _One_ isn't enough. Did you not hear what I said? She needs the Aether in her body to keep her alive. The absolute least I need for her is three, and even that's cutting it close. Duke absolutely requires the other four. If you're so afraid, you can stay and watch. You can do basic mathematics, right? 7-3=4. 4-4=0. Do you want me to count along like they do on Sesame Street?"

Audrey was staring at Mara. "Give them to her, Nathan."

Mara glanced at Audrey, surprised. Shit. She knew that look. Audrey had heard the truth in her words, even when the others couldn't. She could tell when Mara was lying or being honest.

Mara hated her for that, a little.

Nathan handed over the vial and Mara's muscles relaxed. Seven orbs in one day, after so long with hardly any at all- it was going to tax her system. She'd live, but she'd hate life for a few days. That should at least keep Duke entertained. Maybe he'd get really lucky and she'd go into full-blown withdrawal.

Hell with it. At least he'd be _alive_.

Audrey was starting to unbutton her shirt, and Mara stopped her. "No, it's not like that this time. Just relax."

She knelt on the floor in front of Audrey, trying not to feel unsettled. She took a cleansing breath, focusing as she took out two orbs, holding them reverently as she concentrated. She gently crushed them, letting them cling lovingly to her hands.

"Give me your hands, Audrey."

As Mara took the offered hands, she closed her eyes and exhaled, pushing the Aether, directing it. It spread out inside Audrey, binding to her cells, making her better. _Curing her_.

She released Audrey's hands, taking one last, precious orb and recapping the vial. She activated it and reached her hand to Audrey's forehead, letting the Aether bond to her central nervous system.

When she pulled back, her hands were shaking and she felt nauseous.

"How do you feel, Audrey?"

She _looked_ better. She had color, at least. Audrey took a deep breath, testing, but the cough was gone. "I feel better. Much better. Thank you."

Mara nodded. She watched expectantly as Nathan reached out to stroke Audrey's hair, almost smiling when he gasped loudly.

Almost.

"Parker... I can feel you." Nathan grabbed Audrey in a hug as Mara reached for the chair, carefully pulling herself up. She closed her eyes for a moment as the room spun.

"You can feel her because she's... whole, for lack of a better word. Immune again. The Aether is where it's supposed to be, inside her." She just wished she'd been able to give Audrey all the memories of those lifetimes that were coursing through Mara like poison.

Nathan didn't thank Mara, and she was glad.

"I'm going to go fix Duke. Stay or go, doesn't matter to me."

She walked slowly to Duke, trying to look stronger than she felt. "You _do_ need to take your shirt off." She reached for his buttons and he slapped her hands away. Idiot.

"Fine, do it yourself. You don't exactly need your rape whistle out, your friends are right there." Her stomach rolled as he glared at her, and she wished she had some water. She wasn't going to ask, though. Once she fixed Duke, he'd toss her away until she was needed again- and she would be, that's one thing she knew for certain.

Especially with Charlotte's return.

Duke finished pulling his button-up and undershirt off. "Go ahead."

Mara smiled sweetly. "Why thank you. How kind."

She crushed the orbs, focusing her intent. This was a repair, a boost. She could do this. This _meant_ something to her, she wouldn't screw it up. Not a second time.

She pressed her hands to his chest, pushing. She searched his body with her mind linked to the Aether, searching for the translation error. Translation and purge. These were what she was fixing. She tilted her head, eyes still closed as she pushed harder, smoothing the barrier.

Not quite enough. She was breathing deeply, chest rising and falling as she took the last two orbs in her trembling hands. Duke was going to _hate_ this.

Crushing them, she leapt forward to wrap her arms around Duke, pressing her hands against his back and pushing with every ounce of her will. She held on tightly as he tried to shake her off, and she _pushed_ one last time, forcing the repair before Duke shoved her and she fell backwards, cracking her head on the table.

Fucking humans. No manners at all. She lay still where she had fallen, breath coming in shallow gasps. Her eyes snapped open when she felt a hand on her arm, and she saw Audrey leaning over her.

Mara rolled away quickly, scrambling for the bathroom where she vomited, kicking the door closed behind her. She felt wetness dripping down her head and realized she was bleeding.

She heaved and retched even after her stomach was empty, finally crawling to the sink to rinse her mouth and splash water on her face. She pulled herself up using the sink, trying to still her quaking extremities. She looked like shit, but she'd had worse.

There was a knock at the bathroom door. Wow, an actual _knock_.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm done, you can shackle me in a damn second." She turned to open the door and Duke was standing in front of it. She fisted her hands to try to hide the shaking, then held them out, ready for the cuffs.

She was surprised when he wrapped his hands around her wrists instead of the cold steel. "Did it fix me?"

A shiver crawled up her spine and she stretched, trying not to grimace. "Yes, it fixed you. Your body still needs to expel what's stored up, though. I can help."

"What do you mean, 'expel'? If I still have to vent the Troubles, what's the fucking point?"

"I didn't say 'vent Troubles'. I said 'expel'. You need to expel the Aether that's stored in your body. When you do, they won't manifest as Troubles. Unless you kill me first. I'm guessing you won't want the Troubles, though, so you'll just have to wait to finish me off." A drop of blood slid down her neck, making her shudder. She couldn't keep the pained look off her face for a moment.

Duke spoke hesitantly, still holding her wrists.

"Thank you for fixing Audrey."

She shrugged.

"I mean it."

"It's nothing, Duke. I told you I'd do it if you wanted me to. Fuck, can you give me a towel or something before this shirt gets completely ruined?"

He look confused, and she tried to roll her eyes, but the pain in her head stopped her.

"I'm bleeding all over it, Duke. My head."

He had the nerve to look concerned as he turned her, finally looking at the back of her head, where she could feel the blood flowing. Head wounds always bled a lot, and she honestly didn't care, except for her poor shirt and how much it would suck to wash out of her hair later.

"Shit, Mara. I'm sorry." He released her wrists, grabbing a towel and pressing it to her head. She hissed in pain despite herself. If she'd been at full strength, she'd have never allowed that sound to escape. Unfortunately, her body was focused on the overload of Aether, and her control was stretched thin.

"It's nothing. A papercut." Mara finally managed, trying to sound dismissive.

"No, your head is cut open. I shouldn't have pushed you."

"You shouldn't have, but I knew you would. It's fine. Once you expel the stored Aether, you'll just toss me overboard anyway. Might as well make it more appetizing for the sharks."

Her shaking was getting worse. She was going to stumble if she did't sit. "Can we get out of this room now? I'd like to sit down."

He allowed her to hold the towel to her head instead of shackling her, and it surprised her. She preceded him back to the front room, taking a chair for herself and she applied strong pressure to her head. At least she was pretty sure there was no fracture. She'd fractured her skull once and had lost hearing in her left ear for months.

Audrey looked concerned. Mara swore that was her default expression. Reminded her a little of when she'd been young and innocent, before Charlotte and William. For a second, Mara felt bad for her.

Hoped she'd never have to lose that bit of herself. Never have her heart ripped in pieces like Mara had.

Mara wanted to _protect_ her.

She really, really hoped it was just the concussion talking.

She was trying to hold the towel firmly, but the shaking was getting worse. She gave up, holding the towel in her lap. She was waiting for Duke to show symptoms of the purging, but nothing so far. She was going to have to push, and she knew how he'd react. There was a distinct possibility he was going to beat the shit out of her.

Whatever. She could take whatever he dished out. She'd had worse.

"Stay away from Charlotte." Mara slurred the words a little, grimaced, and kept on. "She's dangerous, especially to you. Duke, too. If she finds out why you're well, she won't rest until she has you."

"What do you mean?" Nathan's voice made her frown. Damn it, if she explained, he'd start asking the right questions. It was hard to think through the sound of her head screaming. Between the Aether and the whack to the skull, she was having trouble staying focused. It felt like someone had dosed her with Sodium Pentothol, like she had to tell the truth because she couldn't make lies that made sense.

She tried to grit her teeth and not say anything, but she could still see Audrey staring from the corner of her eye. She could see the question repeating there.

"Because you're like me." Mara snarled. "Now that you have Aether in you, you're like me. She can't know that." She bit her tongue, her hands shaking. She held them still in front of her, trying to manage her aloof smirk, or at least a decent sneer or glare. She just couldn't think. She should really be thinking about how to set Duke off.

"What would she do, Mara?" Audrey asked her gently- probably more polite than anyone else ever had. But Mara didn't want to answer this. She kept her teeth clamped on her tongue, breathing hard. She could feel the Aether in Audrey, questioning for her.

Mara's breath sped up as she tried not to answer the sweetly questioning Aether. It was her friend though. It kept her alive, it gave her power, it loved her, and she couldn't refuse it. Especially when she wasn't well.

Mara rested her head in her shaking hands, staring down as the Aether pressed against her like kisses. It had been a long, long time since she'd had a kiss. She fought the tears and won, but didn't look up as she answered, feeling blood drip around the back of her ear and down her neck, the drops rushing faster. She could feel the back of her shirt, where nobody could see, soaked and sticky against her neck and shoulders, all the way down to her bra strap.

"She'd lock you up so she could test you, find out what made you different. Why the Aether would link with you."

It was true, and yet she hadn't said anything directly about herself. It was the best she could do.

"But why? What's she after?" Nathan asked.

Mara's frayed temper snapped. "What's she done so far? Has she tested just Troubled people, or has she tested everyone? Did you give her Aether to use? I know there were more than seven orbs in that box. What's she told you? That she's looking for a cure? Genetic markers, maybe? Anything to _cure_ the poor, poor Troubled people. Dr. Cross just wants to _help_ everyone. She just cares that much. And she hasn't reported Haven to the CDC because she wants to _protect_ the Troubled, right? Well she's lying. She wants to _study_ the Troubled people to check on her fucking experiments!"

Mara breathed harshly, scowling as she tried not to meet anyone's eyes. She needed to shut up, shut up, _shut up!_ She wanted them to find the right questions on their own! She wasn't here to spoon-feed them answers, especially not after everything they'd done to her.

She needed to focus on Duke. She had to force a reaction, to set off the purge, especially if she was unwell. She had to do it while she still could. Contact. That's what he craved. He was just like her, she understood him because she understood herself. She had forced a hug on him, he'd shoved her halfway across the room. If she kissed him, especially in front of Nathan and Audrey... that should kick off enough emotion- anger, hate, embarrassment, regret- that it would activate the repaired Trouble and force the purge.

She took a deep breath, trying to prepare her mind and body for the expected negative response. Before the purge kicked into high gear, he'd have several moments to make her pay.

It was fine. She'd had worse.

She stood quickly, turning toward Duke. She'd taken a single step when everything went sideways.

Some combination of Aether-overuse, concussion and blood loss began a catalyst of it's own, and she was falling. She didn't feel the impact. Her eyes rolled and her body shook, seizing. She could hear, but she couldn't see and she couldn't control her body. It felt like being trapped under another mind and she started to panic; a pained, terrified scream, warbling and cracking in a way that sounded like broken glass flew from her mouth through clenched jaws.

Mara wasn't sure how long it went on; she heard voices and felt hands turning her, Audrey's horrified gasp as she saw the blood-soaked shirt and hair. Just when she thought her teeth were going to crack from the pressure her jaw was exerting, the shaking stopped and she lay limp, melted into the floor as she tried to catch her breath.

Hell, that was embarrassing.

Duke was suddenly there, in front of her face, and she didn't have the energy- the physical _ability_ to kiss him. Just as well, since she didn't seem to be on her best game tonight.

"Mara, I'm sorry. Why didn't you tell me you were bleeding so much?"

His eyes teared up, and before she could even wonder what had caused his emotional response, she saw his tears turn black.

Oh no. No. Not _now_.

She was weak, but she yelled as loudly as she could as she let the Maze, the symbol of the Guard, surge into being on the skin of her left wrist.

"Nathan, get Audrey to the back of the room, _now_!"

A brief moment of surprised movement, not enough for Mara to brace, and Duke's back arched until he was staring up at the ceiling, his arms stretched wide. Aether, thick and dark as wildfire smoke erupted from Duke's mouth and eyes, heading straight for Mara.

It hit her everywhere- pouring into her mouth, into the Maze on her wrist, even her eyes and ears. Everything that Duke expelled, Mara took into herself.

She hadn't even thought when she acted, just ordered Audrey to safety and took the hit. She'd tried so hard, but a lifetime of one behavior just wasn't undone by a couple of months of another behavior.

She hadn't changed much, as hard as she'd been trying.

Eventually, thank the gods, Duke expelled the last of the backed-up Aether from his system. The thick cloud still surrounded Mara and she could _feel_ him staring as the Aether filled her, her back arching up from the ground, injured, bleeding head pressed hard into the floor. She fisted her hands to try and keep from reaching for help.

A few whimpers sounded from her chest, but at least she couldn't scream with the Aether clogging her throat. She was able to stay mostly silent, and she didn't reach out for comfort or help. And now Duke was safe.

She'd call it a win.

She ingested the last of the Aether and her spine went slack, dropping her straining body back to the floor, where she tried to catch her breath. Everything looked strange, slightly warped and completely discolored by the haze of Aether that made her eyes black.

She had to get off this floor, to stand up before they thought she was weak, or weaker than they already did, after her little episode. She rolled onto her front, ignoring the dizziness and nausea- her stomach was empty anyway- as she pushed up onto her hands and knees. Determined, she reached for the nearest chair and grabbed it, pulling herself up silently. She gripped the back of the chair tightly to keep herself up, looking around at them with black eyes.

"Keep her away from Charlotte. When William comes back, kill him- he's not connected to Audrey anymore, just me. Nathan, you _owe_ Duke. Earn the trust he's given you. It's a gift you don't deserve." She turned her head slightly. "Duke, you should let me teach you to use your ability before you throw me over. Your choice. Either way, stay away from Charlotte. She's as dangerous to you as she is to Audrey now."

Her voice was quiet but even. She felt the blood flowing quickly down her neck again- she'd probably made the bleeding worse when she'd been on the floor. She was disturbingly, almost frighteningly tired. The thought of sleeping handcuffed to a kitchen chair was even more unappealing than usual. She thought it might be more comfortable if he just threw her overboard now. The water wouldn't feel cold for very long, it would be dark and deep and peaceful. She could lay in the arms of the currents and stretch her body.

Her eyes slipped shut and she started to sway, imagining the water was already rocking her to sleep. She felt her body falling, though it all seemed to be moving very slowly. She was shocked to feel strong, hard arms catching her body and lifting it.

Then there was nothing.


	3. Shock and Awe

The thirst woke her.

Her mouth was dry; it felt sandy. Her throat ached, her chest burned- hell, her whole body was in agony. She didn't know where she was, only that she wasn't sitting upright. Not the kitchen chair, then. She tried to open her eyes, but they weren't responding. Curious, she tried moving her hands, her arms, her legs; she was _paralyzed_.

She remembered this happening before. "Sleep Paralysis" they called it. Some kind of miscommunication in the sleep center of the brain. Body locked to keep her from acting out her dreams, but her brain awake. The exact opposite of night terrors, where the brain is asleep and the body unlocked, acting out their dream physically. No matter how many times she'd been through it, though, she still began to panic. Just like the times before, the only thing she had any control of was her breathing and her throat, to a small degree.

She breathed quickly, tightening her throat until she was making a terrified, whining sound when she exhaled. All she could hope was that someone was in the ship's hold with her and she'd irritate them enough that they's shake or kick her body awake.

There was a response much sooner than she's expected. Not a kick, either. Gentle hands on her arms shook softly. Too softly to shock her body awake. She tried to scream another breath, and another- breathing quickly to try and add more urgency to her plea. The shaking intensified, but it was the voice that followed that finally shocked her system back into proper order, allowing her to open her eyes and move.

Duke was saying her _name_.

"Mara? Mara! Wake up, you're having a nightmare!"

She gasped and jerked, shaking. She tried to sit up, but her body was still lethargic- heavy and cumbersome, too painful to move.

"Not a nightmare." she rasped through dry lips, "Sleep paralysis."

"You get that too?" He sounded interested.

"Yeah. You?"

"Since I was a kid. Not very often. Maybe three times a year."

"I used to get it especially badly on hot nights, it could happen three times in one night. Sometimes once a month. That was a long time ago, though. This is the first time it's happened since before."

She hated to ask for anything, but even if she wasn't hurting so badly, she wasn't sure she could see through the Aether in her eyes. Once she was halfway able, she'd have to return the Aether to dormancy. For the moment, it was the only thing keeping her from withdrawal, so it could wait.

"Sorry, please- water?"

She felt him reach, and he handed her a bottle of water. It was hard to see, but she felt certain she knew where they were, and it surprised her. They seemed to be lying- together- in his _bed_. She drank as much as she could hold, handing the bottle back.

"I... why am I still alive? I fixed you. I fixed Audrey. Why haven't you killed me?"

His voice was quiet in the dim light, and the Aether coating her eyes made him even harder to see. "I'm not going to kill you."

Right, the concussion. She was probably imagining this whole thing.

Oh, the concussion. The sleep paralysis and nausea. She wondered if it was connected or if it was from the orbs she'd used, but she was too weary to send the Aether to evaluate her. Probably to full of Duke's Aether anyway.

"You want me to teach you to use your abilities first? I suppose you should keep me available while Charlotte's around. If things go bad, you can give me to her and she'll leave Audrey alone. I'd rather die than go back, but if it saves Audrey..."

"No, I'm not killing you at all."

Mara strained and managed to shift slightly, trying to ease the ache in her back. She needed to get back on her feet. She'd need to be able to take care of herself when she got the Aether out and the withdrawal symptoms started. Nobody in this universe was going to play nursemaid for her. She felt the sheets rub against her and realized for the first time that she was naked except for her panties. She wanted to know why, and who had undressed her, but she was more curious about what Duke was- or wasn't saying.

"Yeah, I don't get it."

Duke was silent for a long moment. When he did speak, his voice was hushed.

"You did what you said you would. You fixed Audrey and you fixed me, and you didn't hesitate or bargain or even blink when you used the last... orb. You didn't try to run. Did you know that I'd explode like that?"

"Yeah, I warned you that your system would have to purge."

"Did you know it was going to go after you the way it did?"

"Yes. That's why I had Audrey move back and let this show." She raised her left wrist, though it took massive effort, showing him the burning gold maze that she hadn't bothered sending away. Nobody was around to look at her anyway, she had no reason to hide it. "It was the only way to keep the purge from manifesting as Troubles. I warned you beforehand."

"You didn't say it was going to _hurt_ you."

"It wasn't relevant."

"Wasn't relevant? How do you figure?"

Mara sighed, letting her arm fall. "It didn't matter. You had to be repaired or you would have _died_. I knew it wouldn't kill me. 'Hurt' is a subjective term, Duke. I've been hurt before. Physical pain? Doesn't rank very high on my list of priorities. Either way, it needed to be done, and I promised you I would fix you. You may not have noticed, but I don't break promises when I make them."

"What did you mean when you told Nathan that he owed me?"

"Exactly what I said. You trust him, you care for him, you do so much for him. And fine, you can tell me to shut up and that it's none of my business, but I hate that he doesn't appreciate what he has. There are people who would do anything to have that kind of gift."

Damn it, she had to pee. She took a deep breath, sliding her legs to the edge of the bed as she rolled to her side, carefully pushing herself upright. The room was spinning and she was only moving through sheer force of will. She stood carefully, trying to look around and orient herself through the black haze covering her eyes.

"Mara, what are you doing?" Duke jumped up and came over to her, putting a hand to her bare back to keep her steady. What the hell was that about?

"Not running, don't worry. Please don't cuff me right now, I'm not able to run if I wanted to. I have to use the bathroom. I just can't see clearly. Point me in the right direction, please?"

Duke muttered something that sounded like "stubborn" and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her right arm over his shoulder, where her hand grasped him reflexively. He half- carried her to the bathroom, ignoring her nudity. Once she was in, he went to stand outside the door. She was upright again and washing her hands when he came back in.

She felt him study her in the bright light, his fingers reaching out to touch his own handprint, black and blue standing our harshly against her pale skin. She wanted to bathe, but she didn't have the strength and she knew it. It would just have to wait. Her head and neck itched from the dried blood on her skin. She sighed and looked away from the bath.

"Okay. I'm ready."

He'd noticed her gaze, and asked quietly, "Do you want to take a shower?"

Mara sighed. "I can't right now. I... fuck it, I'm not _strong_ enough, okay?" She refused to meet his eyes.

"I'll help you. You need to rest, you'll feel better if you're clean."

She hadn't been expecting that.

"Duke, I don't think you understand. I can barely stand for a minute unassisted. I can hardly move my arms."

He sound almost amused as he replied, "I do know how showers work, Mara. You fixed me, I think I can help you shower in return."

"I didn't fix you so you'd do things for me. You don't owe me anything. I'm not _like_ them." She was disturbed by the thought that he felt like he had to repay her. Just because Barbie and Ken always wanted something from him didn't mean Mara did. Ken. The idea made her smile a little. It was much easier to think of Nathan as a Ken doll. Then she didn't have to feel so damn violated every time she saw him.

"Mara? Shut up." Duke stepped to turn the shower on, letting the water warm up as he turned back to Mara.

She was frozen in confusion, and he casually leaned down to pull her panties off. She stepped out of them, bracing a hand on Duke's shoulder. He pulled off his pajama pants and picked her up, carrying her into the shower before he set her on her feet under the warm spray.

Duke pulled her arms up, stepping closer. "Wrap your arms around my neck, I'll keep you upright." He moved against her, positioning her so the water ran down over her hair, letting it loosen the dried blood.

Oh, this was absolutely delightful, the feel of the water warming her tight muscles. But Duke's skin against hers was distracting. So terribly, indescribably distracting.

He reached behind her for the shampoo, long fingers gently massaging as he carefully washed her hair. She rested her forehead against his chest, soaking in the contact while he allowed it.

She didn't know how many women (or even men) Duke had bathed, and she didn't care. All that mattered was this single moment. This one time where she had finally, finally earned a gentle touch, where she was allowed to hold him. She was too out of control to keep the emotion back, but she hoped he wouldn't notice her tears falling on him.

He washed her hair twice, and used conditioner to make it easier to get the tangles out. She felt him move to squirt body wash on his hands, and then he was washing her neck and back, massaging as he worked. Mara was exhausted and physically overwhelmed, and she couldn't stop herself from pressing her lips to his chest in a gentle kiss.

His hands never stopped washing her, over her shoulders and down her sides, but she heard his breath catch. He didn't yell at her or pull away, and though she was confused, he was _right there_ , letting her touch him.

Brave or stupid, she raised her head slightly to kiss his throat, rubbing her cheek against his.

He still didn't pull back, washing her lower back now, massaging the tense muscles. He was warm, almost hot against her skin. She could feel that her core temperature was several degrees lower than normal from the Aether-shock, and the heat radiating through his hands soothed some of the pain in her back and hips.

Even through her tinted, blurred vision, he was beautiful. Heartbreakingly so. And he felt so different without the pain and pressure of the Aether pushing at him. Looking at him made her heart hurt. She was past thought as she raised her face, pressing her lips to his. She was ready for anything, absolutely anything but what he actually did.

Duke kissed Mara _back_.

Her arms were locked around his neck, holding her up, and she pressed her fingertips into his hair, tilting her head to deepen the kiss. His tongue stroked hers, and he tasted sweet, like honey wine and strawberries.

His hands reached down to cup her ass, and she let a quiet, breathy moan escape her lips. It seemed to fuel him, and he kissed her harder, pressing his body against hers. She arched a little, pressing her breasts against his chest. Her hand tightened on the back of his neck and she scratched gently at him- enough to feel, but not leave marks. She felt his erection against her abdomen, and though her skin was icy, she felt like her blood was burning.

For a moment, she wanted to tell him _everything_. She wanted him to understand her the way she understood him, to know who he was seeing when he looked at her. She wanted to be free of the cage Charlotte had stuffed her in.

But Duke was touching her as the water flowed over them, his clever, nimble fingers teasing her open, stroking that tiny nub, dipping inside her just a bit, and Mara wouldn't break the contact of her own will for anything. His hand left her for a moment, turning the shower off. She groaned into his mouth, disappointed. And then he picked her up.

He grabbed a towel as he held Mara, carrying her back to his bed and he helped her get her balance. He started drying her with the towel, rubbing the soft cotton over her face and down her throat, over her arms- carefully avoiding his handprint- then down over her breasts, and she gasped as she felt him squeeze gently.

She was still damp, and so was he, when his arms came around her, lying her down on his bed.

He settled between her legs, kissing her intently. Her arms wrapped around his neck, one hand flat against his back, the other twined in his hair. Gods, she loved his hair. She wanted to be someone he listened to just so she could beg him to grow it long again.

Even injured and weak, her body was responding to him. Her hips tilted to brush against him, her legs came up to cradle him. He was braced on an elbow, his hand stroking her face as they kissed, his other hand teasing her nipple.

Mara's back arched, and she was certain she'd never wanted _anything_ quite so much in her entire existence. She was terrified that if she spoke, he'd snap out of whatever was driving him and she'd be bereft, her dream snatched away when it was so close she could literally feel it. But she wanted things to be different with Duke- she wanted a chance to be honest with somebody who might understand, having been treated so poorly himself.

If she wanted him to trust her, maybe trusting him was the first step.

"Duke, _please_. I want you." Her heart was thudding erratically, frenzied and desperate and afraid. She was half certain that he was going to pull away from her, but he shifted his hips, pressing into her slowly, making her gasp, panting as she adjusted to the feeling of him inside her. Not inside her body while another identity was in control, but inside _her_.

He pulled back, pressing forward again as her hips jerked up, his tongue caressing hers when she gasped.

She gripped him, pulling him closer as her legs locked around him.

Duke was breathing hard; rough, growling sounds against her lips giving her goosebumps. It took Mara a moment to realize he was trying to be gentle. That maybe he needed what she needed. She nipped at his lip with her teeth, breathing, " _Harder_."

He groaned loudly, and then he was moving harder, faster. It was exquisite torture- every thrust bringing her closer, her senses surrounded by him. She smelled his soap, tasted his mouth, felt his body strong and hard around and inside her, rocking her with his thrusts. Her eyes were still clouded by the Aether, but he looked at her- actually looked at her, meeting those black eyes and not shying away, and she could see a sparkle glinting in his own eyes as he stared down at her, watching her respond to him. Watching her be truly vulnerable.

He seemed to be fascinated, staring at her face as he thrust into her, watching each touch of emotion that crossed her face. She had no control when it came to him- every movement made her arch, tightening around him. There was so much she wanted to say to him, so much she was afraid to say, but she knew he wasn't pretending she was Audrey, and that fact alone was enough to shatter her defenses and she cried out, tightening around him and clinging in desperation and terror, accidentally clawing him in her haste. It went on for so long she felt like she was going to implode or shatter into pieces, and she couldn't hide the tears anymore, sobbing as she called his name.

"Duke, Duke please, I've never... I don't... Duke _please_!"

She heard his breath catch, felt his muscles tighten everywhere their bodies touched, and as he pushed deep, she felt him filling her, the difference in their body temperature making everything feel superheated inside her. He shook, jerking into her, sighing her name.

Mara had never heard a sweeter sound in her life.

Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath, and Duke pulled out of her. She immediately felt cold. She tried to stop the tears, but even though her ragged sobbing had stopped, the tears leaked out, dripping back into her damp hair. She wondered if there was any chance Duke was a cuddler. She tried to pull the sheet out from under her, but without Duke touching her, it was like she was back at square one. Weak and tired, too sore to move correctly.

Without a word, Duke carefully pulled the sheet and blanket out, laying them over Mara. She stared at him, trying to see clearly through the black haze clinging to her eyes. She relaxed a little when he didn't dress, just climbing between the sheets himself. Mara struggled onto her side, facing Duke, trying to read him. She gestured at his arm. "Can I?"

Duke held out his arm and Mara wiggled into his side, resting her head on his shoulder and borrowing his warmth. With her face pressed against him, she could hear his own heart pounding, as fast and hard as her own. She thought for several long moments. Mostly about honesty. Her dream of being someone Duke trusted. She knew so much about him already, and yet she hadn't shared anything at all, not willingly. She'd wanted them to ask the right questions. But Duke wasn't Nathan, and she didn't want to treat him like he was.

"I've never told anyone about myself. Not ever. But I was wondering- do you mind if I tell you? It's your choice, and I understand you may not believe everything."

She held her breath, waiting.

"Yeah, Mara. I'd like to hear."


	4. Once Upon a Time...

Mara sighed, relieved and worried by turns. He probably wouldn't believe her. She couldn't let herself actually _hurt_ when it happened.

"My parents are scientists. My father is a physicist, Momma was originally a medical doctor, until she got a young patient who came in after having ingested an orb of Aether. He had been born normal, but after the incident, he started exhibiting the ability to use Aether, in a way. I mean, he could force it to do some things, but for the most part his ability was very limited.

"Momma became obsessed with the idea, and she talked this patient into becoming her apprentice. He would do anything for her, and I know he let her experiment on him- injecting him with different Aether solutions, trying to strengthen his ability.

"Where I come from, some people are born with certain gifts. I've seen telekinetics, telepaths, precognition, the ability to heal... I was born with the ability to manipulate weather and other natural elements. It wasn't a big deal, and only marginally useful since I was so young and had very little control over it. In your years, I was maybe 7 or 8 when my mother came in while I thought she was gone, and she caught me activating Aether. I was a kid, I was bored and lonely, and the Aether understood me. It loved me. As soon as Momma saw that, my childhood was over.

"She started experimenting with my blood, injecting it into her apprentice, trying to make the Aether accept him the way it did me. It took ages, but eventually, he was able to create temporary Aetherlings. Then things got worse. She had this idea that I should _marry_ her apprentice, that our children would have greater abilities than we did, that they'd be powerful. I was 9 when she officially betrothed us. It wasn't a marriage, it was an engagement, but where I come from, it was every bit as binding as marriage. The ritual formed a connection, a bond between me and him.

"That's how I ended up bound to William."

She paused to breathe for a moment. Duke whispered, "You were just a _kid_. I thought they said your society was _advanced_."

"Mm. Well, 'advanced' doesn't always mean 'good'. When a civilization values scientific advancement over the lives of children... it's barbaric, but to them it makes sense. If there's more power, more special ability to be had, they consider it their duty to try. I wasn't a child to my mother, I was an opportunity. That's all I am to any of them, really. My world or yours, my only value lies in what I can do for people."

Her words were indifferent, but she felt Duke still, his muscles tight under her cheek. "Is that how you feel?"

"It's how it _is_ , Duke."

"Do you think I'm like that?"

"Like what? Them or me?" Mara tried to choose her words carefully. She wasn't trying to offend, but if she answered him honestly she probably would without meaning to. She'd be banished from the bed- maybe back down to the brig- and any progress she'd made would be wrecked.

But she wouldn't lie to him either way. She repeated the same words that had gotten her through every hour of every day for centuries. - Didn't matter. She'd had worse.

"Like the the people who used you."

Mara sighed. "I don't think you're like anybody I've ever known, Duke. I certainly don't think you're like my mother, or even like your friends. You give everything you have to the people around you. No, I don't think you're like them. And I'm not going to say you're like me, because I know you hate the comparison. But still, would you have bothered keeping me alive if not for fear of hurting Audrey or because I could help you? It's okay- you deserved to be fixed and I understand. I just want you to see what I see."

His arm tightened around her and he was silent, so she continued on.

"I overheard a few of their meetings. She had been taking William through Thinnies, coming here. She had him experimenting, testing his abilities on the locals. Using activated Aether on them, just to see what they could do."

"I got Daddy to bring me over once when I was... probably about 11. Just before puberty really hit, before she could make me marry William. I remember being so horrified. The people were suffering, and the Aether was, too. It's intelligent, self-aware. It knows good from bad, and it was being forced to do bad things. I could give gifts, modify them- same as I can now- but I couldn't remove them.

"After all my begging and pleading, the night I got my first period I just... lost it. I was in a panic, and I begged Daddy to get me away from them. I told him I'd rather die than let William touch me. I even had a knife. I was ready to kill myself. He gave in, bringing me here and closing the two Thinnies that were there then."

She blinked sleepily, nuzzling the warm flesh of Duke's shoulder under her cheek.

"I had been training to be a healer since before Momma found out about my gift. Even after, I still continued my studies, I was just a lab rat in my off time. So I started fixing people. Some with medicines, some with the Aether I'd brought with me in a trunk. I was fixing as many Troubles as I could.

"There was a word that I kept hearing repeated among people I was helping. 'Croatoan'. Yeah, that one, the one the Teagues talk about. It took me awhile to figure out what it meant. It was the word the local tribes used for people from my world. It was almost like a plague flag. People saw or heard that word, they'd run, thinking she'd come back to destroy them again."

Duke's fingers were tracing her ribs very softly as he listened. It felt so good, like a present.

"I'd only been here a few years when I felt him. They'd found another Thinny. It's a long, boring story, but basically Momma and William convinced our leaders that I'd run away from home to come here and do illegal experiments. They convinced the powers that be that I had come here to start the Troubles, and offered the fact that I was naturally able to use Aether to seal my conviction. She told them she'd handle my punishment."

She heard Duke catch his breath, but she kept talking.

"She had the Barn made as a cage. Somewhere they could always find me to run tests on, where I couldn't get away. They pushed the lives on me in hopes that I'd get despondent enough that I'd be willing to do what they wanted without a fight. It was somewhere..."

She sighed and shifted uncomfortably, her stomach hurting. She made her voice emotionless, distant.

"Somewhere William could corner me and force me to do what he and my mother wanted. They never figured out that the Aether was protecting me, keeping me from getting pregnant. When William came to the Barn this last time, and I couldn't remember him, I guess he thought it was good luck. I'd be more manageable without the history behind me, especially if I thought he was my friend, that he cared about me. He figured he could convince me I was with him since I didn't remember."

"Duke tightened his hand around her hip. "You mean the reason he was in the Barn was to..."

"Yeah, Duke. That's why he showed up in the Barn. It's fine, I've had worse. It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters!" His voice was so indignant, it made her smile. Duke Crocker, champion of the disenfranchised. He had a keen sense of justice, for a criminal.

"No, Duke. It doesn't. It doesn't change anything or help anyone. One more person using my body without permission. After 500 years of people violating you without your permission, you find ways to cope." She blinked a couple of times, continuing on before he could stop her again.

"Anyway, Audrey was strong enough to survive the wipe, and your ability managed to give her a new body. She has no more connection to William, that's all on me. But with the Barn gone, that's why Momma came back here. She'll think of a new way to cage me, if she can. That's why she can't know about you or Audrey. The Aether bonded to you is happy and functional. If she finds out, she'll come after both of you to find out why."

"I didn't _make_ the Troubles, Duke. I was trying to fix them. I never hurt anyone on purpose until after I got free. I'd been locked up for a crime I was trying to stop, tortured for centuries because my mother loves power. I'm sorry for the things I've done. For the way I have to act. But it's necessary. I couldn't fight them- I've been on my own, nobody would help me even if they could. So I _can't_ be the old Mara, the sweet, stupid simpleton who wants to help everyone. If I want to be free, I have to be worse than them. Taking the high road got me nowhere.

"But I want you to know, I was completely honest about wanting to fix you. I lied about my motivation, because I knew you'd be more likely to believe I was just trying to protect myself than that I truly wanted to help you. But the things you can do now, it's amazing. What I wanted when I created the original gift, but there was a flaw in the original target, he wasn't willing or able to purge, and so your family could only kill a Trouble by killing a person. Now, you only need a few drops of blood, and you don't have to hold onto the Troubles after. If you cry after you absorb a Trouble, I can convert it back to dormant Aether."

Her voice got very quiet. "I should teach Audrey how to make the Aether dormant so that you still have someone who can help you cure Troubles when I'm gone. I'm a target, I'm operating on borrowed time. I can't run while Charlotte is here, it would just leave you and Audrey unprotected. They would have no compunction about just forcing Audrey to take my place."

Duke was hushed, his voice disturbed. "You were trying to run from them?"

Mara shrugged. "Originally."

"Why didn't you? Why look for the Thinnies instead of just getting a car and going?"

She was quiet for a long moment. She considered lying, of course, but he was being so polite.

"I had all the memories, still. All of them, including Audrey's. I knew you needed help, I knew what was wrong with you and how to fix you, but I couldn't do it without Aether. So I tried to get to a Thinny to get Aether from the Void. I wasn't trying to get _home_. Just to the Void for a few minutes."

"You stayed because of me?"

She shrugged again.

"But why?"

"Multiple reasons. You're the only one who can end the Troubles, as long as you have someone to work with. Your gift was so close to perfection. I had tried to protect the town for so long, and I didn't want to just run leaving it unprotected. Habit. Then I started listening to you when you talked, watching you. You cared so much, even when they didn't deserve it. You just kept trying, no matter how bad it got. You thought about running once, I know that. You stayed because you loved, and because you wanted to help. Don't worry, I'm not trying compare you to me. Just saying we stayed for similar reasons.

"And now I _can't_ leave. My mother is here because of _me_ , and while that means nobody is really safe, it's worse for you and Audrey. I don't know if she can get William back, but she's plenty dangerous on her own. She'd try to get you to comply willingly first, but once she realized you're not a sheep, she'd just try to lock you up. Audrey, too. If I just walk away and let someone else take my place, knowing what would happen, I'd be even worse than them... And I don't _want_ to be like them; I just want a life. If I have to be the bad guy to do it, fine. But letting someone else take the pain for me? I guess that's a line I can't cross. The only part of me I can't leave behind."

All true words. Yet none of them uncensored, none the entire truth. Because he didn't want the entire truth. Nobody wants to hear that a monster is in love with them. Well, not outside of Audrey's silly vampire books. Mara huffed a disgruntled sigh. Another memory she wished she could give back to Audrey.

Duke noticed her growl, of course- the man could hear a cranky noise a mile away- and she could feel him move his head to look at her. "What is it?"

"I was just thinking about all the memories I'm stuck with that I wish I could give Audrey- or at least give her half of, that would be fair- but mostly all the stupid teenage vampire romances I had to read through her. The woman has abysmal taste in literature. That should have been my first clue that she wasn't like the other personalities."

He chuckled, the warm sound rumbling through her in a way that made it hard to breathe. "What do you mean about the personalities?"

"Like I said, I made none of the decisions for them- I was trapped- but the core of them, the base part that got all those chances to run but still stayed to help the Troubled, that was me. Like I said, stupid and simple. Like Sisyphus, pushing the boulder to the top of the mountain over and over, just for it to roll back down again. Every lifetime the same, an endless fight against adversaries I couldn't touch, always at a disadvantage because I didn't have my own memory.

"I _hate_ having the memories. They feel like acid in my veins. All those people who weren't me, all the people who touched them. I have to deal with those as well as my own memories, and sometimes it's torture. Constant swirling reminders of everybody _using_ me. I don't want to piss you off, but honestly, sometimes I hate Nathan the most. Yeah, great, he's in love with Audrey, but aside from what I had to endure being trapped under Audrey, what about Sarah? Audrey wasn't a part of her. She came after. So the person who lived through all of that, the person who had his _child_ , that wasn't Audrey. It was _me_."

Duke nodded thoughtfully, his hand stroking her side again. "How do you feel about me?"

She froze, trying to understand what he meant. There were so many wrong answers here, she felt like she'd been dropped in a giant minefield. "What do you mean?"

"Do you feel like I used you?"

Oh dear. Yes, this was definitely a worst-case scenario. Honesty here would get her into just as much trouble as lying. To hell with it. She'd decided to try honesty, and if he dumped her back in solitary for it, oh well. She'd had worse.

"No. I have a confession to make, though."

"Okay." Great, now _he_ sounded apprehensive.

"When Audrey re-gifted you, that wasn't the first time I woke up in her. In Colorado... I was aware, but when she kissed you I got jealous. _I'm_ the thing that made her pull away." She was barely breathing, waiting for his reaction.

"Jealous? Why?"

He was going to try and make her say it out loud. Once she did that, she couldn't put the genie back in the bottle. It would be out and it would haunt her.

"Duke, you don't want to know. When it makes you uncomfortable, there's no way to take away the memory."

"Be honest, please. I want to know."

"Because I loved you, and I didn't think it was fair. I wanted to be the one kissing you, and it felt so, so unfair that the only time in my existence when I wanted to be with someone that way that _she_ got to be the one to touch you."

He seemed thoughtful. She wished she could see better.

"You just said 'the only time in your existence.' What do you mean, exactly?"

Mara wasn't sure if he was honestly curious or if he just wanted to force her to say it out loud.

"I mean the only time I wanted to be touched, the only time I ever _chose_ to be physically intimate with someone was with you."

"So, do you mean today was technically..."

"My first time, yes. In a manner of speaking." If her body had been capable, she probably would have blushed.

"Was it okay for you?"

She was shocked almost to the point of disbelief. "I... okay? Duke, it was the single best moment of my life."

She could _feel_ his shy smile. "Did I hurt you?"

"You never hurt me."

"That's not true." She felt his fingertips brush the skin of her arm, then very gently her head.

"It's completely true. I told you, physical pain isn't a priority for me, and I'm sure you didn't think about the table. I touched you without your permission, I knew you'd react. It's not a big deal, Duke. I've had worse." Actually, she wasn't _entirely_ certain he'd forgotten about the table. He'd wanted to hit her for a long time, pushing her into a table was a good way to smack her one without getting his hands dirty.

Either way, she didn't blame him.

"So what's the plan, if the doctor is such an issue?"

Goosebumps rose on Mara's skin. She knew Duke felt them. "I have to distract her from Audrey. Right now, she'll be looking for me, and she'll try to get Audrey and Nathan to find me for her. I can't let her focus on Audrey any more than she already has.

"I need to get in and steal Audrey's blood sample- honestly I should trash her whole lab, that way she doesn't notice that it's just Audrey's that's missing. Once she knows for sure that I'm here and I'm onto her, it should distract her enough to get her away from Audrey, and Momma has no reason to come after you unless someone says something about you.

"I'll need to talk to her, let her see that I'm alive. I know I'm not allowed out without a guard and the shackles, but I'm not sure I want you anywhere near her. You could have Nathan take me." Her nose wrinkled in distaste.

"I'm not sending you in there with Nate."

"Duke, I just told you I'm not trying to run. I have to stay and make sure she doesn't go after one of you. Put the damn shock belt on me if you're worried. There's no reason to risk you. She won't want Nathan past getting his DNA sample."

"I'm not worried about you running. I'm not sending you in there without knowing you're protected."

Now she was beyond lost, and she wondered if maybe she'd slipped into a coma. That would make the most sense. She frowned, wiggling around.

"What are you doing?"

"Wondering why it still hurts if I'm in a coma."

He laughed quietly. "Because you're not in a coma. Do you know where you are?"

"Of course I do. I'm on your boat."

"And do you know who I am?"

"Duke Crocker. I said coma, not amnesia."

"You're not in a coma, Mara."

"Then why are you worried about me being protected? That makes no sense. I know you protect people, that it's your nature, but even if you protect me from my mother, who's next? Dwight? Vince? Nathan? I have an expiration date. If I'm going out, I should at least go out protecting someone."

Duke stared at the ceiling, frowning. He had tiny lines around his eyes, and she wanted to smooth them away. Mara concentrated, moving her arm carefully up his chest to his face, brushing her fingers softly against the lines. She kept her hand against his face, but rested her arm on his chest, watching the glittering fire that surrounded each of her handprints, one of the few things she could see clearly through the shadows and the haze in her eyes.

"Mara... if we've been operating under bad information, if all of this pain could have been avoided, and you've been so defensive because you were scared and we were being lied to- I won't let _anybody_ kill you or take you. I'm not sitting back and selling you into slavery."

Laughter and tears both seemed equally appropriate, but she did neither, simply whispering in a stoic, resigned voice.

"I appreciate the concern, I do. But I couldn't win before, and now there's even more to protect. Don't get me wrong, I wish I could stay. But there is no place left for me. There's a line around the block of people who want me dead. I can't see her quite yet- I still have to process and I need a few days to ride out- I guess I should tell you."

His hand tightened on her hip. "Tell me anything. I'll listen."

His tone made her pause, her throat thick. "You mean that, don't you? You're actually listening to me."

"Well, you're actually talking."

"You believe me?"

'Yeah, I do."

She brushed her face against him, pressing a small kiss to his chest. Her throat burned and part of her- the small, needy part- wanted to cry in his arms. Her pride kept her eyes dry and voice even.

"Using seven orbs in one day would have made me a little sick. Withdrawal. Unfortunately, I... tripped and hit my head-"

"You didn't trip, I pushed you."

"You pushed me away, gravity did the rest. It's not your fault, I knew you'd have a negative reaction. The point is, I wasn't in prime condition when you purged. Right now, my core temperature is low and my eyes are black from the Aether-shock. I need to get the Aether out of my body, but currently it's the only thing keeping me from going into acute withdrawal since I'm so overloaded. I could start expelling it, but it'll make me sick. It's nothing I can't handle, but it's not pretty."

"You said withdrawal, is it like drug withdrawal?"

"From what I've seen, yes. Same symptoms. But you should be aware, so you don't think I'm plotting or hiding it- when I start making the Aether I got from you dormant, there will be orbs. Probably a lot of them. You can stay with me when I process them, you can lock them up. I want to be honest with you. I'd like to use a couple to make sure Audrey has enough in her system that she's not quite so low. If I'd had more yesterday, I probably would have used five or six, not just three. And I'm going to ask you to put them somewhere safe, because if something goes wrong, if Momma does endanger you... I think Aether is the only way I can stop her. Do what you have to, but keep them close in case there's an emergency. I can teach Audrey to do anything I could do, if she's willing to learn."

Duke was silent for several long moments, and Mara tried to brace herself for the worst. For accusations, for him to say she only fixed him to get the Aether. For him to close off from her. Her chest ached just thinking about it, but she'd decided to be honest. Unfortunately, that meant taking the reactions, even the bad ones.

"Mara?"

"Yes, Duke?"

"You didn't have to tell me that, did you?"

This felt like another trick question.

"Depends how you look at it. Could I have made them dormant and hidden them? Yes. Could I use them? Yes. Do I _have_ to answer to anybody? No. But I chose to be honest with you, and so for me, I had to tell you, yeah."

He smiled softly, and she blinked at him in confusion. "Do you promise not to use it without talking to me first?"

Her brow furrowed and she looked at him like _he_ was the one with the concussion. "I promise. But what difference does that make?"

Duke's lips twitched up. "It was recently brought to my attention that you don't break promises when you make them."

Mara snuggled a little closer, his arm wrapping more tightly around her.

"I'm trying, Duke. I can't promise about anyone else, but... I won't lie to you. I haven't trusted anyone in a long time, though. It's not easy. I'd like to have one single, honest relationship in my life."

She realized what she'd said immediately, and she froze. "Not to say, I mean relationship as in interaction, not- not _relationship_." She was utterly mortified. He had a way of breaking through what she wanted him to see. He could make her smile and laugh, he could even make her cry, a little. She was already too vulnerable with him.

"Relax, Mara. I save poetry for the third date, minimum."

This time she _did_ blush.


	5. Another Time, Another Place

She was floating in dark water, sinking. She could see the stars, pinpricks of light shrinking into blackness as she floated constantly down. They disappeared one by one, reminding her of birth reversed. Leaving the world as she had entered it; sad, afraid and and alone.

 _Unwanted_.

She knew they'd drop her when they had what they wanted. It was human nature. She sent a silent prayer for the Gods to protect her home, her Haven, even though she couldn't do it herself. The sea washed the tears straight from her eyes. Part of her would swim with her people for all eternity.

The journey was slow and the water deep. She had time with only her thoughts.

So many years. So many faces that she'd loved, each building themselves a small room in her heart. So many that her heart was too big. So big it hurt. Men and women, boys and girls. Her personas didn't matter, it was she, Mara, who remembered them and loved them, carrying them with her into eternity. She wished she'd been able to tell them. She wished they'd had a chance to know _her_.

Had it been worth it? The fights, the pain, the torture and imprisonment? Had defying her mother and William been worth her death?

She thought of Duke's smile, a sight she hadn't seen nearly enough. His warm laugh, rich as aged bourbon. The feel of his hands on her skin, even if the touch was angry. Yes, she considered. Yes, it was worth it. They were worth it.

 _He_ was worth it.

If she'd had time, Mara would have given him the universe. She'd have found a way to make up for each unhappy day in his life, each teardrop shed. She'd have made sure Audrey and Nathan treated him better, the way he deserved.

She wondered how long it would take him to forget about her.

Nathan. She didn't even like him, yet she would have died to protect him, too. It wasn't really his fault that he was the way he was. Terror of feeling emotion triggering the inability to feel sensation. He'd been abused by someone he was supposed to trust- his father. But still, they had common ground. She couldn't even blame him for being so overprotective of _her_. Gods know she wasn't protective of herself.

Audrey.

The crux of everything, in the end. The personality who was better than the original. The one they'd done so much to save.

The one they finally killed her for.

Mara wasn't sure what to think of her. She had a good heart. But she'd never appreciated or understood Duke they way she thought she did. Duke would have been a wonderful father. But Audrey feared the darkness in herself, the darkness that wasn't just Mara. She'd feared, and like most people she had run from that fear, thinking that in loving Nathan, she would be able to escape the darkness. Audrey had no appreciation for the shadowed side of the coin.

No, Audrey was far from perfect. That's why she'd hated and feared Mara. From a distance, she could see the darkness she was so afraid of reflected in Mara. It was so easy to pretend that it was split from her now, that it was just the evil core of her original personality. Audrey could never reach her potential if she just kept lying to herself. She had to learn to accept what she was now.

 _What she was now_.

No. Momma was here. She was here and Audrey was different now.

Audrey wouldn't be safe.

 _Duke_ wouldn't be safe.

The fear was instantaneous and all-consuming. If Mara let Charlotte get Duke and Audrey, then her death meant _nothing_. The cycle would continue, but with Duke and Audrey taking Mara's place.

 _That couldn't happen_.

Her panic took over, instinct overriding all, and the Aether inside her pulsed bright golden red, flooding her body and making her glow like a living ember. She opened her mouth, water drowning her voice as she screamed soundlessly, the light bursting from her eyes, mouth and hands. That silent scream was a curse, a plea, a prayer and an order all in one. It made her bones rattle, and for a moment she thought the pressure might blow her to bits before she touched the bottom of the sea.

Like the shockwave of an explosion, power from all the extra Aether that Mara was carrying flowed from her in an angry rush. Her body was floating, but her back arched, chest toward the sky as she hung in the black abyss, knowing that nothing, _absolutely_ _nothing_ was more important than making sure Charlotte could never hurt those two people. The resounding rush of power rattled her brain in her skull, made her bones ache. She felt even her tattoo, her own sigil, bleeding into the salt water around her.

The Aether returned to her in a rush, and she was shooting up, through the water as the stars grew brighter and brighter until she burst through the surface, floating over Haven like an avenging God.

Someone had been very, very naughty.

They would pay.

* * *

Shouting.

Shouting all around her. Her name, most of all, in a strained, strong voice- laced with panic, but unafraid for himself.

She jerked hard, her eyes snapping open as she felt her body slam into a soft surface. She coughed violently, and saltwater sprayed from her mouth as she rolled to cough. She felt burning hands against her back, against her bare skin.

Mara struggled to breathe for a long moment, her hair dripping slowly as she as she caught her breath.

"Duke? What happened", she wheezed.

"Oh god, are you okay? Mara, what the hell was that?"

Her head was spinning, and she felt jittery. "Tell me what happened, Duke."

"I don't know what happened! That's the problem! Everything just started going crazy!"

Ugh, his voice was going up the way it did when he freaked out. Her head was pounding and she was sure dogs in town were already howling.

"Duke! Inside voice, _please_. I can't answer you until you tell me what happened! Dear Gods, my head hurts. Do you have anything? Tylenol, whiskey.... gods, just not bourbon."

He handed her some kind of painkiller and she swallowed quickly. Even her eyes burned.

Duke was pacing. She didn't follow the movement, just buried her face in his bed.

"We were asleep and there was an earthquake or something. Everything was shaking. I woke up, had a second to look at you before you lit the fuck up like you were on fire, and this... I don't know, this _blast_ radiated out of you! You fucking _floated_ , Mara!" He dropped to the floor near her head, where she was lying over the side, refilling on oxygen.

His hands were frantic as he ran his fingers over her face, searching intently.

"Mara, your eyes... they're kind of- they look like they're dotted with fire through the black covering. You were floating, and you were shaking, and you opened your mouth and this _sound_ came out- it sounded like... Like chaos. It didn't sound like your voice. Your eyes opened and your body just fell, I didn't even have time to catch you before you hit the bed."

She could barely see now, but she moved her head, scanning for the direction of his face.

Oh dear. What had she done?

"Duke. What about you? Did you feel anything?"

"I don't know, I was a little too busy to notice!"

"Think, Duke. Did you fall off the bed? Anything?"

He ran his hands through his hair before he rested them back on her neck and shoulder. She had to admit, the touching was nice. She wondered how long it would go on.

"The shaking woke me up. Or, well, one big shake, then the little shaking. There's no weird weather squalls, no anything that should shake the _Rouge_ like it did."

She shook her head, face rubbing back and forth over Duke's sheets. What _had_ she done? How bad would the fallout be? Who would know, and how angry would people be?

"Duke, look in the mirror. Even I can see your eyes are silver. And before you ask, I didn't do _anything_ on purpose, I promise." She frowned thoughtfully. "Well, not anything that I meant to do. Do you feel okay?"

He'd jumped to his feet, checking a mirror. "The hell? Why isn't it fading? Mara, honestly, _t_ _ell me what happened_."

"I can make your eyes fade, don't worry. But please calm down and listen. Please."

He sat by her head again, breathing heavily. "Yeah, okay. I'm good. Go ahead."

He was still a terrible liar. She shook her head, rolling her eyes.

"Remember how you thought I had a nightmare earlier? Well, this was a kind of nightmare, a convergence event. I don't remember if human physicists talk about them or not, but Convergence Events happen when the soft spot between worlds is too thin.

"Another reality, one where you chose to kill me after I fixed everyone bled over. I was dreaming, but the dream was real, just somewhere else. It's kind of tied to the Many Worlds theory in Quantum Physics. In the other reality, I was sinking, and I was... I was thinking, and I got worried. Very worried. I was trying to use what I had left in me to make things safe. I wasn't thinking about the extra Aether inside me from your purge.

"The excess Aether made the Intent multiply exponentially. That me set off _this_ me, and when I reacted... I didn't mean to. It was an autonomic response to primal fear. I didn't mean to do this."

She dropped her face back into the bed before she jerked her head back up. Her sigil, the Maze on her wrist, was weeping blood like a fresh tattoo. "Damn it, sorry." She grabbed a tissue, holding it to her wrist.

Duke looked troubled. "I... I killed you?"

Mara shrugged. "In another timeline. It's not a big deal, except for what I did."

"It's a big deal to me! What the hell did I kill you for?"

Mara considered, wondering how very much the last 24 hours could have deviated for her. "Because I had to make you cry to start the purge. It's why I stood when I did. I was going to force a reaction. I was going to kiss you without permission. That's what the other me did, I think. Instead, I got sick and you purged automatically. But can I ask you a question, since it came up? Just honesty, I won't take offense. Why did you cry when you did, Duke?"

He looked down. She wanted to touch his hair, but she was afraid he'd be upset. She settled on keeping her face near his, just being close to him.

"Because I hurt you. Your head. You fell and you were having a seizure, and then we saw all the blood. I did that to you, and it makes me sick. I'm not a woman-beater, Mara. I swear. God, I'm sorry I hurt you. But I wasn't going to kill you!"

She couldn't help herself. She stroked his soft hair, memorizing the texture. "I know you're not a woman beater, Duke. But I wouldn't have blamed you if you _had_ hurt me on purpose. I know how much I've hurt you. Out of spite and jealousy, and anger that everyone thought they knew me though nobody had talked to me. I don't deserve special protection just because I'm female. When I've earned a beating, I've earned a beating. The universe gave it to me so you wouldn't have to. Don't be so hard on yourself."

His eyes were horrified when he gazed at her. "I scared you so much the other you made you- you explode, and you're telling me not to be hard on myself?"

"Oh Duke, no. I wasn't afraid because of you, not like you're thinking. I wasn't upset with you at all. I was okay with it. It was when I remembered Momma was around and that you and Audrey would be targets that I panicked. I tried to set protection over you. The Aether ignited. But it was because I was scared _for you_ , not _of you_. I wanted you and Audrey to be safe, and if I was going to die, I was going out protecting you guys. So I cast the shield, but I had no idea the Aether would react that way. I've never operated with this much in my system.

"I accidentally triggered the gene sequence that causes the blood-rush in you. It's not going to hurt you, just make you a little stronger and faster, so you can access your abilities when you need them. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to. I'll help you hide your eyes. But are you okay otherwise? I was so afraid Momma would get you." Tears were pricking in her eyes, and she desperately wanted to crawl into his lap and hold him. To cry on him.

But the new Mara couldn't cry.

Yet Duke looked so sad and uncertain, and she could almost hear him beating himself up.

Mara slid off the bed, ignoring the water dripping down her back as she crawled into Duke's lap, still naked. She was taking a risk, yes- but it was all she could think of. It's what she would have wanted.

She wrapped her arms around him, holding him against her. "Duke, you did nothing wrong, Not here _or_ there. I know what I am, what you've all thought of me, and I did that on purpose. I told you I needed to change if I wanted to win. I hurt you and them along the way. You've done nothing wrong. I'm sorry I scared you and sorry I upset you."

She pulled his head to her chest, wrapping herself around him. She may not be the woman he dreamed of at night, but she was there and she loved him, right or wrong.

She felt his arms wrap around her waist and she kissed his head, holding him tightly. The way others should have done. How hard was it for them to simply _hug_ the man? What was wrong with those two? Punches and dismissals. Beg for help and never show any gratitude. He hadn't even taken second place for them. Each other, the Troubles, the Town- Duke always came dead last, simply because they knew he'd still be there, faithful and loving no matter how they used him or hurt him.

They didn't know _anything_ about him. Even the things they knew, they didn't understand. He wanted love. Just love, and they'd been too busy, too self-absorbed to just see what was in front of them. Mara hated that. She knew what it was like to be Duke, because she'd suffered the same abuses- not that he'd appreciate the comparison. She knew what it was like to ache and yearn for love that just wasn't coming, For appreciation that didn't exist.

Yes, Mara was willing to die to protect them, but she didn't _like_ them. Didn't know them well enough to even be sure she _could_ like them. She'd been trapped watching them hurt Duke over and over, never able to do a thing about it, but the minute she broke free, she was the enemy. A vicious, evil, conniving killer.

But she'd never done anything that Audrey hadn't done.

She was willing to be nice and make peace with them if it made Duke happy, but she didn't have to _approve_ of them. Not that he'd care if she approved or not.

She didn't even notice the drops tracking down her face until Duke looked at her, his long fingers delicately brushing them off her cheeks.

"Why are you crying, Mara?"

"I- I'm not. I don't cry. My eyes still sting from the salt." She hiccuped, choking on a sob that she tried to swallow.

"You said you wanted to be honest, Mara."

"There's 'honest' and there's 'bitchy and antagonistic'. It's a fine line that I'd rather not cross with you, not when we're getting along." Mara paused. "We _are_ getting along, right? Or are you mad about me triggering you?"

"I'm not mad. You weren't even conscious, I saw you. Tell me why you're crying."

"I'm angry."

"Why?"

She was quiet for a moment, wondering how to say what she was thinking. "Because I hate the way they treat you. It's not right. You do so much for them, and they do nothing for you. They obviously don't understand you, because if they did, they'd appreciate what you've given them. I'd give anything for you to care about me even half as much as you care about them."

Damn it, she hadn't meant to say that out loud. Aether-shock and the blast- well, everything in the last 24 hours- had overloaded her, and now she was saying too much again. They'd been wrong, her teachers. It wasn't that humans were stupid. The problem was that humans made _her_ stupid.

Duke was staring at her thoughtfully, and when she met his beautiful silver eyes she froze, unable to look away. His gaze was penetrating, and she didn't mind nudity, but she felt like he was peeling her skin back, looking _inside_ her. She didn't want that. Didn't want him to see what she really was. These people feared her, and fear gave her a certain level of control over the situation. If he saw what she really was- a broken child who had been nothing but a _tool_ , a girl so young she'd barely be legal if she'd been human- he wouldn't fear _or_ respect her.

She didn't care so much if Duke didn't fear her, but she cared _very_ much if he thought she was weak.

"What are you looking for, Duke? Just tell me. Please don't look at me like that. I don't want you to see me."

His eyes never strayed, but his head tilted. "Why, Mara? Why don't you want me to see you?"

She was still trapped in his eyes, unable to look away. The words came on their own, words she would _never_ have let pass her lips willingly.

"I'm afraid."

He didn't blink, his hand coming up to wind gently in her hair. It was so strange, the Aether-shock and the red tint to the few things she could see made her blind; but his eyes were perfectly clear to her, shining like mercury, bright as the sun. They reminded her of the stars she'd seen as she was sinking into the sea; two silver lights in the darkness.

"Why are you afraid, Mara?"

He kept saying her _name_. How long had it been since she'd heard her name outside the Barn? Said by _anyone_ besides William and Charlotte? Spoken without derision or sick lust, hate or disappointment? The tears streamed down her face relentlessly. She couldn't even _lie_.

"You'll see what I am, and you'll hate me for _me_ , not because of Audrey or because a book told you to. Why do you have to see? I'll just tell you. I'm nothing, Duke. I'm not the terrifying reaper. I'm not the devil who cursed this town. I'm a fool, a stupid broken girl who's only ' _special_ ' because of an accident of birth.

"Half the 'Troubles' in this town weren't even supposed to be negative. The lonely little girl who wanted a friend, who made you play pirates with her. The Glendowers. You. Even Nathan. Those were all things _I_ created.

"Even the snow-globe girl. The original target had a brain disorder that was like Alzheimer's. Losing the ability to retain memories. He was afraid he'd lose everything and forget his family. I gave him a way to save his memories so he could remind himself. William adjusted it later to affect the actual _people_ and not just the memories."

Her hands were gripping his shoulders, her nails digging into his flesh a little. Her breath came in quiet sobs. "I damage whatever I touch, but it's accidental. If not for my mother being here and knowing about Audrey, if you guys were safe from them, I would have let myself go. I'd tell you to kill me now. But even if I die and the bond kills William, Momma's dangerous on her own. I'll do anything, but I don't _know_ how to stop her. Gods, Duke, I don't know how to fix it."

She gave in, burying her face against Duke's throat, her arms around him and her fingers in his hair as she cried. She hated this powerless feeling, this fear. It was almost as bad as being trapped under the fake personalities. Now everything was her responsibility, but she couldn't see a clear answer.

Was this life, then? Either you know but are powerless to act, or you're willing and able but don't have any clue what to do?

It wasn't fair.

His arms were around her- hugging her. He was whispering in her ear, nuzzling his face in her hair.

"Shh. It's okay. We don't have to figure it out today. You can't fix the world in one day, Mara. Look what you did today. You fixed me. You fixed _Audrey_ , and you chose to do that. You didn't have to tell me you could help her. You...", and now his whisper sounded almost awed, "you could have let her die. If you'd been half of the things we thought you were, you _would_ have let her die."

His arms tightened more, hands gripping and squeezing her sides. His voice was still low, but rumbling- not a whisper, a sound that vibrated her bones- and she could hear a thousand emotions. Fear and anger and grief and malice; pride and hope and awe and reverence. Words she'd never, ever expected to hear.

"We were _wrong_ about you."

The feeling had no name. It was immense, powerful and frightening in it's intensity. It had a weight, a texture and a color. Black and silver, satin and suede, pressing against her as more of an embrace than a restriction.

She felt giant and full of ancient power as she had when she floated over the town, dripping from the seawater as she condemned the guilty parties and demanded their punishment. She wasn't entirely sure how, but this town was hers, had been hers for centuries, and she refused to allow a usurper to abuse _her people_.

People can forget a god, but the gods never forgot their people. They didn't have to love her or even know what she did for them. It was enough that they were her family, that she had accepted responsibility for them. She didn't require gratitude, only space to work.

She wanted to say something. Something that would convey how much she appreciated Duke, his willingness to listen to her and his kind words. To thank him for believing her. None of the words she thought of were right. Instead, with one last gasping sob, she pressed her lips to his.

He responded immediately and eagerly, holding her against him with one hand around the back of her neck and the other against her back. He was holding her, pressing her closer, rubbing his hand against her back like he enjoyed the feeling of her skin.

They were both still nude, Mara sitting in Duke's lap, every plane of her body pressed against him.

The power from the Aether-explosion was flowing through her, making her nerve endings tingle. She knew that Duke was affected by her triggering his abilities, and she wondered if he was in control. Honesty. She moved her lips to his cheek as he kissed her neck.

"Duke, triggering your ability could be making you react in a way you might not want to. I don't-"

"Mara. Shh. I know what I'm doing. I know who I'm with. Come here."

He pulled her mouth back to his, and her heart thudded erratically, like the wings of a caged bird straining to fly. She groaned, kissing him back with equal force. She swept her fingers through his hair, scratching gently at his scalp. Duke's hands slid over her skin like satin, cupping her breast as she moaned into his mouth.

His hands landed on her hips, and he gently, insistently maneuvered her until her legs were wrapped around him, still held securely in his lap. Then his hand traveled around, skimming over her belly and then down, rubbing his long, powerful fingers against her. Fingers that could pleasure a woman or kill a man. He slid a finger inside her and she stopped breathing, pushing down against his hand as his thumb came up to rub the bundle of nerve endings. She cried out, still blind to everything but his shining eyes.

Like the North star, if she followed the light, it would bring her home. She'd never had a home. Maybe it didn't have to be a place. Maybe it could be a _person_.

She reached down, wrapping her hand around him. The texture was amazing, like silk covering steel. The softest skin. He growled low in his chest when she squeezed, rubbing him. The sound made her shiver, and she breathed hard through pink lips, rubbing her face against his.

His hand left her, wrapping around her waist as he raised her up. She adjusted her hips a little and slid down on him, her head dropping to his chest. She rocked her pelvis, pressing farther down until he was buried deep inside her. She tightened her muscles, moving her hips in slow circles, letting his breathing teach her what he liked.

She raised herself up, pushing down a little faster, a little harder. A rasping sound came from his throat, and intrigued, she did it again. His hands tightened around her, and he dropped his head, running his tongue along her breast before wrapping his lips around her nipple. He sucked and Mara cried out, grinding down on him. His hips moved up, trying to push deeper.

Her body was rocking of it's own accord, moving in response to him. She wrapped her entire self around him, sucking on his neck as they pressed together. She bit his lip softly and he groaned, quickly rolling them over so they were pressed into the carpet and he took the lead, braced on his forearm as he pulled her leg higher, angling them so he was pressing against a spot that made her arch as sparkles danced in her eyes. His breath touched her face as he panted, driving into her as she grabbed and scratched and pulled.

Something about seeing her out of control, away from her carefully constructed masks seemed to fascinate him as much as it had the first time, and he stared and kissed and touched every feeling that played over her face. She wished she could see his expression, but was content to stare at his eyes, gasping and moaning, making sounds that felt foreign to her tongue.

He pressed their lips together, tasting her mouth as he swallowed her ragged cries.

"Duke," she begged, "Duke please. I-" Her hips jerked, body arching as all the breath left her. She felt like she was drowning again, but instead of water, Duke was filling her, her body and her senses both. Her whole world in that moment was him. All she could see, feel, taste, touch and smell was Duke. She wanted to stay like that forever.

His head was next to hers, she heard and felt his uneven breath against her and the low, rumbling moans that started in his chest. She could barely breathe, but the sounds that he made as he moved inside her made her shaky again, and she was building, holding him as tightly as possible. He moved faster, pushing deeper, and every time she said his name, he made that beautiful sound again.

His muscles went rigid, his thrusts shook her and she was crying his name, falling to pieces around him. She felt the heat of him spreading out inside her, and he pressed his face into her neck, whispering, "Mara, Mara don't go."

She didn't think anything moved outside her, but internally, it everything was light and sound. She felt young and giddy, and she knew without a doubt that she would hear those words in his beautiful voice every time she closed her eyes for the rest of her life.

 _He didn't want her to go_.

There was a lot that Mara didn't know. Experiences and feelings that were new to her, that she'd never experienced firsthand. There was so much room in her for fear and doubt. But she knew absolutely when Duke was lying or telling the truth, and he wasn't lying. He didn't want her to go.

She wasn't sure what he _did_ want, but it was enough. More than enough.

She felt his momentary regret when he pulled out and she shared it- she wanted to stay wrapped up, surrounding him as he held her like they were built to match each other.

They fit perfectly inside and out. He filled every centimeter of her when he was inside her. Her hand fit perfectly into his. When she held him, his arms could wrap around her waist while she cradled his head to her chest, or Mara could hold his waist, her head lying directly over his heart while he ran his hands over her body.

It wasn't symmetry- it wasn't that they were the same. This was something different. They fit each other like they'd been designed purposely. It wasn't a cookie-cutter form; it was organic, as though they'd been pressed together and grown into and around each other. Mara had been around a very long time, but she still had the unshakable certainty that she'd somehow been born for _him_.

Duke pulled her up, helping get comfortable before sliding in beside her. There was no discussion this time- he held his arm out and she cuddled right in, even draping one leg over his. She felt his chin against her hair and she pressed her lips to his skin, listening to his heart beating against her face.

She closed her eyes and send a silent prayer. Not asking for something, not begging for help. No, for the first time since she could remember, she sent a prayer of _thanks_.

They fell asleep holding each other, wrapped in silent understanding.


	6. Who Made Who?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not mine, still.  
> Posting ahead of schedule in honor of tonight's premiere. No matter what happens, we're the fans, we can make it live as long as we want.

Mara woke first.

She was still pressed against Duke, and she took a long moment to just _feel_. His heartbeat was strong and slow, his breath even in slumber. She wished she could see his face, but this was enough. She needed to enjoy it now, in case he woke up feeling differently.

Moonlight promises had a way of dissolving in the harsh light of day. She had to be strong. Her lips brushed his chest in a feather-soft kiss, and the arm around her tightened, pulling her closer.

Best. Feeling. Ever.

"Hi." Mara murmured.

"Good morning. How'd you sleep?" It sounded like he was smiling, and she relaxed against him.

"After I blew up? I slept great. How about you?"

He chuckled, rubbing her hip. "Same. You talk in your sleep. It's cute."

Mara gasped, and she could feel the heat of the blush on her face. "I- I don't talk in my sleep. Do I? And I'm certainly not _cute_."

"Oh, you're so wrong. You absolutely talk in your sleep. But you're a little right. You're not cute. You're fucking _adorable_."

Damn it, she was still blushing! She had to get control of this situation, fast.

"Nope. But I was last night." Mara grinned wickedly as Duke gasped.

"Mara! You dirty girl. I'm impressed. That was _almost_ a good way to change the subject."

She huffed, chuckling. "Fine, Duke. What did I say?"

"See, I'm not really sure I should tell you."

"Why, was it that bad?"

"Not for me, it wasn't. But still. I think I'll wait til you say it awake first."

She poked his side. "Tease."

She felt his breath on her face as he replied. "It's not teasing if I intend to follow through."

Goosebumps again. How could he do that with just his voice?

"As much as I'd like to stay here all day, I have to use the restroom, and I have to process some of this Aether. I need to be able to see, at least. And then I have to settle our eyes."

"I guess you'll want clothes to do that?"

"As many people that come in and out of this boat? Yes. _You_ can see whatever you want, but your friends can keep their eyeballs to themselves."

"I'm going to remember you said that, Mara."

She couldn't keep the stupid grin off her face.

He came around the bed, pulling her up and against him. "Shame to cover up this view."

"No fair. I can't see you."

He pressed close. "You can _feel_ me, though." She felt a kiss on her throat, and all her muscles tightened.

He brought her to the bathroom, and told her he'd be back soon. She took care of her needs by feel, stepping carefully into the shower to wash the salt from the seawater out of her hair and skin. She turned a knob and was doused in frigid water. She shrieked as her muscles clamped down, fumbling for the handles.

Duke raced in, frantic. "What, what's wrong?"

"Cold! Help, I can't fix it!"

He laughed as he reached in, and then warm water was cascading over her.

"Mara, you need to get used to asking me for help. If you're going to get sick, I need to know how to take care of you."

"I'm not going to make you play nurse for me, Duke."

"You didn't. But I'm still going to. I _want_ to. Now stop arguing. I'll be right back. Call if you need anything." He pressed a kiss to her lips and walked away.

Mara washed and shaved on autopilot, thinking hard.

Scientific process. What did she know?

If she took him at his word- and she did, unlike everyone else in this town- he didn't want her to go. He believed in her innocence. He'd slept touching her, without restraints, and trusted that she wouldn't hurt him. That combined with the fact that he wanted to help her through the sickness indicated that he wanted her to stay here on his ship with him. He'd touched and kissed her, even without the affects of the Aether-blast. He'd made love to her, knowing she wasn't Audrey. He hadn't been pretending, he'd said her _name_. He'd appreciated that she'd been honest with him.

He might actually _like_ her.

She rinsed carefully, letting the warm water relax her tight muscles. The fact that nobody had called Duke after the blast was a good sign. Maybe nobody else felt it, though she couldn't imagine how that was possible.

She finished rinsing, reaching out for the knobs before she stopped, remembering the freezing water.

No thank you.

Mara sighed, rolling her shoulders and shaking out her hands, preparing herself to try things Duke's way.

"Duke? Can you come turn this off for me? I don't want to screw it up again." Mara called loudly.

She jumped as a chuckle sounded inches from her ear.

"I was standing here, betting on whether you'd ask for help or be stubborn and do it yourself. I'm glad I won."

The water turned off, and she laughed. "Of course you win if you're betting with yourself!"

There was a kiss on her nose as a soft towel wrapped around her shoulders, another touching her hips as he pulled her forward, gently drying her. "Now you see the genius in my plan."

"Gods, you're the setup of a million jokes. 'A pirate who's an evil genius walks into a bar that he _owns_..' You're like a one-man band." He laughed loudly, making her shiver.

She couldn't deny, the pampering felt very nice. Not that she _needed_ it, she reminded herself.

Still, it was a luxury.

Duke dried her hair patiently, patting and squeezing, remarkably gentle. "So, Mara. Let's test your newfound patience out. Let's see if you can work with _me_."

She cocked her head, burning black eyes curious, her hair brushing her breast as she watched Duke's eyes.

Oh, she understood as she felt his fingers run gently up one ankle and she lifted her foot in response; he was _dressing_ her. She felt the soft fabric of her own panties- he had laundered her clothes- sliding up a bit before Duke rubbed her other ankle. His eyes, the only light in the blackness, never left hers.

Duke wanted to see how much Mara responded to him. The poor man had no idea. He was her world. His fingers or his eyes, she could- she _would_ \- follow him anywhere. This was a game she _knew_ she could win.

And Mara _did_ win, moving exactly as Duke wanted her to- the touch of a finger, the tiniest flicker of his eyes showed her where to move, and she released the control she used as a shield. She _wanted_ to work with him. She wanted to be the one person in the universe who could know his desires with the touch of a finger. She wanted to be the hidden support that kept him stable.

She won by finally understanding what she was. What she _could_ be.

Yet Duke won, too. Someone was listening to _him_. Caring more for his needs than theirs. Trusting him without fear or question or threat. Mara had, both literally and metaphorically, placed her life in his hands. She had trusted him with a truth, a fear. She'd made the effort to be kind to someone just to make him happy. She was meeting him in the middle, not just taking or trying to make him change.

His voice was low, soft as he said, "I'm still working on your shirt, but arms up."

She did as he'd asked, smiling slightly as she felt one of her own tanks, still here from before, pulled over her torso by Dukes slow, exploring fingers. A sinfully soft cardigan followed, and the smell touched her even as the fabric did.

"Duke? Is this one of _your_ sweaters?"

"It's supposed to be colder today, and your temperature is already down. Want me to comb your hair?"

She smiled. "That would be nice. Thank you."

* * *

 

Half an hour later, they were seated on the couch, an empty wooden box between them.

"Okay, I'm going to do this slowly, both so you can keep track and so I don't take out more than I have to."

His hand rested on her neck, rubbing gently as she worked. One by one, she fashioned the orbs, placing each into the box. Every half-dozen, she would blink and look around, testing.

A full 36 orbs later, when Mara checked for the sparkle of Duke's eyes, she saw the red tint of his face as well. She smiled happily.

"Okay, now, I can fix your eyes, but I need to touch your face. Is that alright?"

"Mara, it's fine. You don't have to ask permission to touch me. I think we're past that now. " His teeth shone crimson as he smiled.

She caressed his temple gently, focusing. "I'm going to do this for you, but you need to pay attention, get used to the way it feels. It's just using a muscle you're not used to."

She stared into his eyes as she pressed her fingertips to his head and _pushed_ very carefully. The silver faded away and she pressed her lips to his head.

"I think you looked perfect before, but this looks suits you, too." She blinked, and her own eyes opened normal, the red gone from her eyes and her vision.

They leaned in, his hand wrapping around the back of her neck as he kissed her, her tongue sliding along his lip when a knock sounded at the door. They stared at each other with wide eyes, and Duke quickly tore a cushion off the sofa, pulling up a trapdoor inside and slipping the box of Aether in, replacing everything before she could blink. "Don't move." He strode for the door.

Mara stilled and slipped into her dark, bored mask as she heard the voices; the peaceful phase of constant motion and interaction she'd slipped into with Duke at an abrupt end the moment she heard _them_.

Duke entered first, and surprised Mara- as well as Audrey and Nathan- by coming to sit next to her, bodies touching.

Nathan was staring, and she forced herself to stare back. She felt uncomfortably vulnerable; no makeup, hair down and unprepared for battle.

"What the hell is she doing out?" Nathan asked incredulously.

She made her tone as dry and acerbic as possible. "Good morning, Nathan. Lovely to see you too."

"My boat, my rules, Nate. Sit if you want."

Mara looked at Audrey. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, thanks to you. But what about you? You looked really rough when Duke chased us out last night."

Mara shrugged, suspicious of the question and polite tone. "It's nothing. I've had worse."

"Your eyes aren't black anymore." Audrey noted.

"Nope."

Nathan cut in. "So, what exactly was that last night? The black cloud?"

Mara leaned back, crossing her arms and legs as she gazed at Nathan impassively.

"You guys keep talking about the 'Troubles' being backed up in Duke, making him sick. It wasn't the Troubles, it was the Aether that was backed up. Once I reprogrammed him, his body had to release the backup."

"Why'd it go into you?" Nathan asked.

"Because I'm the only one with the ability and knowledge to make it dormant again."

"So when your eyes turned black, that was from Aether?"

Mara shrugged.

Nathan's eyes narrowed. "Are you saying you've got access to Aether?"

"I'm absolutely _full_ of Aether right now. Dangerously full. I told Duke I'd process it under his supervision as soon as I'm able to."

"You can process it right now, and _I'll_ take care of it."

"I'll do no such thing. I'm not risking my physical well-being because you're scared of the big, bad wolf."

"Why the hell is she loose, Duke? You're sitting here with her loose, with access to Aether? I _knew_ it. The only reason you wanted to 'help' Duke was to get your hands on more Aether!"

Mara jumped to her feet, glaring as she sneered at Nathan. "You're as stupid as you are self-righteous! _You_ want to accuse _me_ of using Duke? You've been using the same four incidences of him irritating you as children to _beat_ on him and demand his help whenever you want it! The Aether Duke expelled had to go _somewhere_ , or it would have spread a thousand new, mixed-up Troubles! It would have infected a whole new generation! You were there, you twit, did that look _fun_ for me? Dumping all this Aether when I'm already unwell would be a disaster, I'd be beyond sick!"

"So you get sick. You hurt plenty pf people and you seem healthy. I'm sure you can handle being sick."

Mara saw red again, and she snarled. "Oh, you want to talk about my _heath_ , Nathan? Let me tell you about my _medical history_! There was a flood the night James was born. No power, the roads were impassible! 38 weeks and 3 days, Nathan! I gave birth alone in my bathroom, because nobody could _get to me_. He was 5 hours old before Dave made it there, and he had to use a dinghy!

"Yes, that's right, _me_. Audrey came _after_ Sarah! Audrey wasn't part of me then! So you came back and found me, and because I _had her face_ , you fucked me and forgot me. You didn't even have the nerve to tell her! Of course she was upset, you idiot! She knows how long she's been around! So keep looking at me and talking about me like I'm some evil monster. I was apparently good enough for you to fuck when you missed Audrey!"

"Duke, you can't be buying this! Make her release it! If she gets sick, she said Dr. Cross is her mother. She's got to be qualified to handle her health care!"

Mara pressed her lips shut, irritated that she'd reacted and almost stumbled as she backed up into Duke, who had stood right after she did. She was close enough to grab his fingers, whispering frantically.

"Duke, please. If you want me to force the Aether out I will, but don't call _her_. Just let me be sick, please, please just don't call her."

Mara turned away to wipe a fallen tear from her cheek. Great. Black. She formed it into an orb, handing it to Duke before she turned back.

Duke was staring at Nathan, his posture challenging. "I'm not forcing her to do anything else that hurts her. I'll be damned if I let you call Dr. Cross, either. Did you forget she saved Audrey? Mara didn't _have_ to tell us she could help her! She fucking volunteered. You weren't there all night and this morning, you don't have a clue how much she suffered. No. If you want her, Nate, you have to go through me."

Nathan moved as if to strike Duke, and Mara jumped between them. Suddenly, everything froze.

Audrey stepped in front of Nathan.

The two women stood inches apart; Audrey with her perfect blonde hair, sensible cop-clothes and hand on her holster- Mara looking tiny with long, darker hair, bare feet and Duke's sweater, hands fisted in front of her. Yet both women radiated fierce power, and the air between them was thick, heavy like ozone before lightning.

"Knock it off, Nathan. You're being an ass. Of course Mara shouldn't do something that's going to make her sick, and if she and Duke are comfortable, so am I." Audrey looked at Mara, speaking more gently as she said, "Could I talk to you? We can go up on the deck."

"Parker, I-"

" _Enough_ , Nathan. You need to apologize to Duke. Do it before I get back, are we clear?"

Mara felt a little more brave with Audrey on her side. Nathan _always_ listened to Audrey. "I'll know if you hit him." She reached back, squeezing Duke's fingers as she followed Audrey out, trying to make her expression calm again.

She was under control by the time they made it out, and she sat carefully in a chair, overlooking the water that would have been her grave.

She had to get control of this situation quickly. She crossed her arms. "You look better. Feeling okay?"

"I am."

Silences didn't bother Mara, as a rule. The longer you stayed quiet, the more anxious the other person would get, making them easier to manipulate.

Of course, Audrey knew that too.

And Mara had been the one who just spilled a secret.

They waited each other out, and Audrey finally took mercy. "Thank you for helping me. Duke is right, you didn't have to. I felt terrible, seeing you hurt and bleeding like that."

"Don't pity me, it was nothing. I've-"

"Had worse. I know."

Mara's indifferent masked slipped a bit, and she narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean by that?"

Audrey sat next to her, both staring out at the waves.

"I had a lot of dreams last night. Dreams that weren't mine." Audrey said without looking over.

Of course. Now that Audrey had Aether inside her and she was split from Mara, there was no way Mara could control the flow of information and memories. Everything before the split was available to Audrey now, once she learned how to look. It would start with dreams, but eventually... she could remember everything.

Shame Mara had to remember too.

She sighed. "What'd you dream?"

"Enough to know you're innocent."

"I'm far from innocent."

"You haven't done what you were accused of."

Mara shrugged, staring at the skyline as clouds started to gather. "Doesn't matter. People here only care what the books say. Funny thing about books, they're just one side of a story. The winner's side."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

Mara's laugh held no mirth. "Nobody asked. They had their little books and legends. I was a female who wasn't human, and I kept coming back. They assumed it all meant me. Why should I volunteer information if they don't ask? Besides, they wouldn't have believed me anyway."

"Duke believed you, obviously."

"Only after I helped you. He had to figure out for himself that I wasn't what you thought. Actions speak louder than words. And look at Nathan. It doesn't matter what I say or do, he sees me as the enemy. Me talking to him won't help. And he'd say something hurtful about some aspect of my life that would cut too close to home and then he'd really see me angry. No. Words are useless."

Audrey saw the pain, steered them away. "Did you still want to use more Aether on me?"

Mara breathed deeply. "It's best. What you have now keeps you alive, but to achieve your potential, you need more. Your DNA is the same as mine. The Aether seems to think you're decent. You can do anything I can do, with practice. You need to be able to, if something happens to me. If Charlotte closes in, I'll go back to keep her away from you and Duke. If that happens, you have to help him. Convert the Aether he takes in."

"I'll learn whatever you want to teach me, but we're not going to let her get to you."

Mara chuckled, smiling grimly. "You're sweet. Naive, but sweet. Stay here for a second, I have to talk to Duke."

Mara stood, sticking her head in to call for Duke.

"What, are you okay?" He was looking her over carefully, and she rolled her eyes, though she couldn't help but smile.

"What's she going to do, Duke? Manicure me to death? I'm fine. But look, I want to give Audrey extra Aether, make her a little stronger."

"Do you need some from the box?"

"No, I can part with a few more. But I agreed to talk to you first, remember?"

He smiled softly, his eyes warm. "I remember. I'm just... grateful." He kissed her gently and she blushed, still smiling absently as she came out onto the deck.

And Audrey saw her before she could put her mask back on.

Oh, what the hell. It seemed like Audrey was more reasonable than Nathan, at least. It would be fine. Probably.

"I just needed to- I _chose_ to talk to Duke about it first. It makes him feel better."

Audrey didn't laugh or mock Mara. She looked very serious. "You love him."

"Anyone with half a brain loves him. He's a wonderful person."

"You're _in love_ with him."

"How do you know?" There wasn't much point lying to Audrey.

"I used to be in love with him. When we split, it took me awhile to realize those feelings had changed. I finally figured out which parts were you."

Mara shrugged again, stretching her sore muscles. "I am. I love him, and I'll take what he's willing to share. I'm not a fool, I don't expect him to feel the same and I don't expect flowers or jewelry or marriage. I'm just enjoying what time I have with him. Sit down."

Mara pulled a chair so she was facing Audrey. She shook her hands out, forming the orbs as she spoke.

"Look, let's just agree not to bullshit when it's just us, okay? We were together a long time, we know what we know. But that means I know you, and you lie to yourself. Constantly. You like to pretend the darkness is just me. But it's not. Neither of us is completely dark or completely light. Until you accept that part of yourself, you're hobbling your own abilities. You said I'm innocent. Your words.

"Darkness isn't something to fear, Audrey. Without it, how would we know when we saw light? I understand that you're afraid, but just think about it."

Mara crushed two orbs, holding her hands out to Audrey. The blonde didn't hesitate to place her hands into Mara's, and the Aether flowed into her happily, building her up, improving healing, brain function and access to her abilities. Making her more OtherWorlder, less human.

Mara crushed one more, pressing her hand to Audrey's throat. Opening her ability to see into people. "I mean it, stay away from Charlotte. I don't know what you've dreamed yet, but you're calm, so it can't be that much. My relative innocence is nothing, absolutely _nothing_ next to everything else."

The Aether bonded, and Mara dropped her hand in shock. Audrey's eyes were glowing bright blue, bright as Mara's which flared with her golden fire. "I assumed because our genetics are identical that... here, come look at yourself in the window. Closest reflection without seeing Nathan."

Mara brought her to the window and they stared at their reflections side by side. Aside from the glowing blue and red, they really did look fairly different. Same face, but different expressions, Mara's hair was longer and darker, and somehow she looked smaller.

"I'll teach you to make it fade. Here, just feel, you'll learn what muscle to use." Mara brushed her hand over Audrey's head as she blinked her own eyes back to normal.

"Wow. That's... pretty neat."

Mara chewed on her lip. "Between us, can I ask you a favor? I'd send Aether out to check, but I don't want to ask Duke about it yet. Will you check on his daughter? I want to know if she's okay. I have a weird feeling. And you were all wrong. Duke would be an amazing father. Hell, I'd do _anything_ to be the woman he wanted a family with. But while I'm wishing, I may as well ask for a pony." She shrugged. "Just check on Jean, please. But while we're alone... did anything weird happen last night?"

Audrey smiled faintly. "Like the earthquake that knocked me out of bed but apparently wasn't felt or reported by anyone else?"

"Yeah, that. That was me, sorry."

"What happened?"

Mara returned to her chair, Audrey following.

"They're called Convergence Events. When two very different things happen in very close timelines. You've heard about the soft spots between the worlds. Last night, there was another timeline where things happened slightly differently, and you guys decided to kill me after I fixed you. Threw me overboard.

"When I was sinking, I was thinking about you and Duke, and I remembered Momma was here, knew you weren't safe. That if I died with her loose, you and Duke would just replace me in her work. She'd have torn you from Nathan, locked you up and subjected you to the exact same thing that I had to deal with. And she'd have been a danger to Duke, too. My death was going to be pointless.

"I panicked, and tried to use the last of my life to throw protection over both of you. But my body- on both sides of the Event- was packed with Aether. Overfull. I've never, ever worked with that much on board. It reacted, all focused on that one final task, and the resulting explosion set this version of me off. They bounced back and forth. I was asleep, so I only remember things from the other version of me, but Duke said that after the first explosion, I was floating, lit up. When I woke, I fell, and I was covered with salt water. Coughing it up. My sigil was bleeding. The two different versions of me converged." 

She stared out at the waves, thinking."If you and Duke felt it, but Nathan didn't and you haven't gotten any calls, then maybe it only affected Omni's."

"Omni's?"

"You guys call us OtherWorlder's. Which makes sense from your point of view. But that's not what we call _ourselves_. We've got a species name just like you. Well, not you. You've got the same DNA as me, which makes you Omni. Humans are Homo Sapiens. We're Omni Sapiens. The difference really comes down to that. Humans value their sameness, their humanity. Thought comes second.

"Omni's value thought- science and power, particularly- over everything. Over life, liberty, love- there's nothing more important. It's a terrible place for anyone who cares about people. You remember how scared Dave was about that door? He was just a baby when he left home, doesn't remember anything about it, but still remembered the danger."

Audrey was listening carefully, and Mara had to stop and remind herself that this was Audrey's history, too. The girl had been looking for her past forever. It might not be what she wanted, but at least it was answers.

"So people like Nathan and the rest of the people in town are human, and you and me are... Omni?"

"You, me, Dave, Momma, William, Howard. All Omni."

"What about Duke?"

Mara rolled her neck, thinking.

"Duke is different. Special. Generations back, I tried to use Aether to make a family who could remove Troubles. The initial Target was flawed, everything got screwed up and the Crocker's could only kill a Trouble by killing a person. It was all because he couldn't release the Aether. Duke's choices, his spirit, made him different. I'm going to teach you to do my part- taking the Aether from Duke to make it dormant- because if something happens and I'm not around, he'll need your help."

"You're afraid your mother will get you."

Mara shrugged. "If it comes down to her taking me or finding out about you and Duke? I'll go willingly. I can't just let you take my place. I wouldn't whore you out to save my own skin, no matter what jackass thinks. Sorry, no matter what _Nathan_ thinks."

"What you said about James... can you explain?"

"Not much to explain. The lives were pushed on me to make me despondent. Desperate. Willing to do what they wanted me to do just to make them stop. I never had any say in what the personalities chose to do, but they were still me. I was awake and powerless. At the end of every life, the memories and experiences merged and became part of me."

Her brow furrowed as she watched the birds over the sea.

"When I met Nathan as Sarah, he looked at me... like he could see _me_. Like he was looking for me. Obviously now I know he was looking for you, because he doesn't understand how _time_ works, but I didn't know that then. I thought he saw me, that he wanted to help me. I wanted him." She scowled, wiping a black tear from her eye and forming it into an orb that she rolled between her hands.

"I was scared, but so happy when I found out I was pregnant. I was a fool. He used me as a stand-in for you because we had the same face. I was the whore again, but the Aether hadn't protected me because I wasn't afraid. It let me conceive. But I had to give James up, because the Hunter came again. And then you came, and I finally figured out what had happened.

"Gods, I've been used for centuries, even long before the Barn. Finding out that the first time I'd let myself be vulnerable, to believe, was just a big lie- that he was pretending I was _you_ \- I hate myself for that, and I hate him for it, too. The fact that he doesn't see what he did wrong makes it worse."

Audrey didn't try to hug her or touch her or offer stupid platitudes. Mara appreciated that. Five orbs in her hands now, rotating and spinning as she moved her fingers.

"We'll figure out a way to take care of Charlotte, Mara."

"Maybe. Either way, she's not getting near you and Duke."

"Or you."

"Whatever. We should go make sure no one's gotten hit yet." She cradled the orbs, still spinning them absently as they went back in.

Both men were seated, neither marked at all. Gods, Nathan really _did_ do whatever Audrey told him to. Mara sat against Duke, offering him the spinning orbs as her fingers twirled them.

He rolled his eyes and smiled, but didn't take them. "That reminds me of David Bowie with the glass orbs in Labyrinth."

"Just think about the guy who was standing against Bowie's back, doing the spinning."

"Lucky guy."

Mara grinned mischievously. "I agree completely."

Nathan cleared his throat and Mara froze, slipping back into her trademark scowl. She'd forgotten their audience. She was getting sloppy.

"I uh... want to apologize."

"Seriously, this whole time and you still haven't apologized to him? What the hell were you two doing?"

"Not to Duke... Mara. To you."

Oh dear gods, not a forced, canned apology from Dudley Do-right. Full of trite excuses and utterly insincere. Her stomach couldn't take it.

"Unnecessary. I told you I'd let Duke supervise the Aether and I will. I don't care how you feel about me."

Mara saw Audrey signal, and Duke turned to Mara, sighing. "Against my better judgement, I'm going to go talk to Audrey for a second."

She blinked wildly. "Are you seri- fine." She'd forgotten herself for a moment. She didn't need or want Duke's protection, and she was perfectly capable of talking to Nathan without a buffer.

She certainly wasn't about to beg for help.

"Mara, if you need me, I mean it- yell. I will be there before you can blink."

She was angry and hurt; she felt oddly betrayed. She didn't smile as she shrugged. The old, stupid part of her wanted to beg him to stay, tell him she needed him _now_.

Gods, Mara hated that girl.

"Whatever. It's fine."

He looked torn. "Mara-"

"I said it's _fine_. Go." Her voice came out harsh, hurt masked behind anger.

Duke frowned, stroking her face before he walked away. She didn't lean in, but she didn't pull away, either.

She pulled Duke's sweater around her, crossing her arms and legs again as she stared at Nathan. "You want to talk, talk."


	7. Belonging

She kept her face blank as she watched Nathan. There was a cup of coffee in front of him, and as she saw him reach for it, Mara spoke without thinking.

"Another ten degrees, leave it."

Head wounds. Concussions made you stupid.

Nathan sat back again.

"I'm sorry for being so rude. You're right, Duke is trustworthy."

She nodded.

He shifted uncomfortably. "You mentioned Sarah."

Mara didn't drop her stare. "I did."

"You referred to her as you."

Thank you, Captain Obvious. "I did."

"Well... I mean- why?"

Was he serious? Mara had been with Audrey a long time, and had known Nathan before, and as much as she disapproved of him, she'd always considered him a smart man. Fussy and cantankerous, maybe, but smart.

"Because we're the same person."

"You don't act like her."

"And she didn't act like Audrey. So?"

"If the personalities were you, why don't you act the same?"

"If? They  _are_  me, Nathan. I think I'd know better than you."

"Why are you different?"

She tightened her jaw, spinning the orbs faster and faster- an old, old nervous habit. "You have a computer. Sometimes you run the internet, sometimes NCIC, sometimes you play Freecell. Don't look at me like that, I was with Audrey, too. Regardless of what program you used, what stayed the same? The computer.

'You can use a thousand different programs, but the computer still runs them. They don't alter the computer, just add to the memory banks. Same with the personalities. When I went back to the Barn, the memories and experiences were assimilated into my own consciousness."

"So, just the memories?"

"No. Even when the personalities are dominant, I'm still there. Just powerless. Trapped, no control over my body."

"So you- experience everything."

"Yes."

"But the personalities make the decisions."

"Yes."

He looked honestly confused as he asked, "Then why are you so mad at me?"

Oh dear gods. Her vision flashed her and her eyes changed, though her tight posture never deviated.

"Why am I mad at you? Did you honestly just ask that?"

"I'm serious! Sarah made the same decisions I did!"

"Sarah was a program, Nathan! Yes, she slept with you- whatever, I don't care. But she conceived a child, a child you  _knew about_. And do you know  _why_  James was conceived, Nathan? Because  _I trusted you_. Not Sarah!  _Me_. I saw you searching my face and I felt  _hope_. I thought you were looking at me! You'll never, ever understand the horrors I faced being pregnant here, being what I am! If I had just  _known_  you were looking for Audrey- someone who didn't exist yet- I would never have opened up to you and the Aether would have kept me from getting pregnant. But, fool that I was, I trusted you, and was left alone to birth a baby I couldn't even raise."

Nathan looked ill. "Stop. Stop saying that. It was Sarah, not you. You're no more Sarah than you are Audrey."

Mara stood slowly, her hair flying as thunder rumbled low outside. She stalked toward Nathan.

"You're  _wrong_. If  _Duke_  hadn't saved Audrey and then ripped her out of me, she'd have been assimilated just like the others. Duke gave her a body and I gave her the Aether to sustain her life, that's all that made Audrey separate from me."

Nathan stood too, towering over Mara as they hissed at each other.

"Audrey is  _nothing_  like you. She's never hurt anybody, all she does is care for people!"

"Right, Nathan. So tell me, why'd you come fuck Sarah? I promise you one thing- Audrey wasn't in there. She wasn't even created for decades after!"

"Stop saying that! I s _aw_  her!"

"You saw  _me_ , and you hate that I'm right. You know that wasn't her. Go ahead Nathan, just between us, who's better in bed, huh?"

She was provoking him, she knew that. She was angry and reacting, and this was how she knew to fight. And it was Nathan. Audrey was his only kryptonite.

She wasn't sure if she was surprised or impressed when he backhanded her across the face.

She caught herself on a chair, barely managing to keep herself up. Her head already hurt. Mara glared, spitting blood on Nathan's shirt. "Oh, still looking for your pound of flesh, Wuornos? Or was the 7 pounds 3 ounces I already gave not enough?"

Her hand was clenched in a first, prepared to strike, but wanting ample opportunity to prove she hadn't started this.

She'd sure as hell finish it, though.

His hand flew again, face purple with rage, and she blocked, punching him in the ribs. Mara moved quickly in his moment of stunned stillness. She elbowed him in the gut, brought her knee into his solar plexus and when he bent to catch his breath, she punched downward, putting him on the ground.

Nathan wasn't so good at fighting people he could  _feel_.

She spit another mouthful of blood at him before making her way back to the couch and glaring through red eyes. "Duke, you guys can come in now. I'm officially yelling."

Duke ran in, noticing Mara, bleeding from her mouth in one corner, eyes flaring red before he spotted Nathan on the ground, catching his breath.

"Mara! What happened?"

She was staring like she was bored, picking up her dropped Aether and twirling it in her hand again as the thunder rumbled loudly. There was blood dripping from her mouth and her head was pounding, but the look on Nathan's face was so, so worth it.

"The truth hurts. He didn't like what he heard, he smacked me one. It was a freebie. When he tried to smack me again, I dropped him. Don't worry, no Aether. And it's not his blood. I didn't break him."

Duke was going to be pissed. Audrey was going to be pissed. She shouldn't have let him get to her, but she'd  _warned_  Audrey, told her that she couldn't be expected to talk to Nathan, and Blondie had tried to force her hand.

Whatever. She'd had worse.

She spun her orbs, preparing to be yelled at. And the day had started out so nicely.

She didn't show her surprise when Audrey, who had been helping Nathan to his feet, suddenly flared blue light from her eyes, yelling furiously.

"You  _hit_  her? My god, Nathan! What were you thinking? Since when do you hit women?"

"It's fine, Audrey. It's nothing. I've had worse." Great, now she was reassuring  _Audrey_.

"It's  _not_  fine, Mara!" Duke knelt before her, gently dabbing at the blood on her mouth with a tissue. "It's not fine at all. I thought you'd at least be safe in the same  _room_  as him!"

She was surprised Duke was taking her side. It made it very, very hard to keep her mask from slipping when she just wanted to crawl on him and cry in his arms.

"How surprising is it, really? He's been beating on you for years because  _he_  feels guilty. It's not surprising he'd do the same to me when I made him feel guilty."

"I don't feel guilty!" Nathan snarled, rubbing his chest. "She was lying, trying to make me think she and Sarah were the same person. Trying to make me think  _she_  was James's mother. It's not  _true_."

Audrey was still glaring through bright eyes as she spoke. "Yes, it is. Up until me, all the personalities were versions of Mara.  _I_  was created literally days before I showed up in Haven. I love James, I've got a connection with him, but that's through  _Mara_."

"Audrey, you can't possibly be listening-"

"I don't  _have_  to listen, Nathan! I have access to the memories, I can see it all myself! That wasn't  _me_ , Nathan."

Nathan froze, the color draining from his face as he stared at Audrey, equal parts fear, remorse and horror. "No," he whispered, "no, that can't be. There's never been anyone but you, Parker."

Audrey's voice was full of patience- she must have gotten all of that in the split, because the only person Mara was capable of being patient with was Duke.

"We both know that's not true, Nathan. You've had other lovers, both before and after I showed up. Me coming from Mara doesn't make her me any more than it makes Jordan or Hannah or any of the others me. You've told me Sarah was amazing, that you didn't know if you'd get home. Looking like me doesn't make her me. Nathan, I look like  _Mara_. She was the first. You need to get used to that fact."

Audrey wet a cloth, wrapping a few ice cubes in it as she came to Mara. "Here, let me clean up your face."

Mara stayed still, anxious and suspicious as she continued to twirl her orbs. She stared into Audrey's blazing eyes as she let her clean the blood from her face, pressing the ice gently to the wound. Mara raised her free hand to brush against Audrey's temple, settling her eyes. She took a deep breath before forcing her own to revert to normal. "Thanks." Mara whispered.

"I don't want to break your confidence, but Mara, I really think we need to tell Nathan the truth."

"Right. The more guilty he feels, the more he hits. I've seen him do it to Duke a hundred times. I was careful this time, but at some point I'll accidentally hurt him."

Duke smiled softly, brushing her loose hair from her face with gentle, sweet fingers.

"Sweetheart, if you were going to knock Nathan's dick in the dirt, you could have at least let me watch."

She blinked. Did he just call her 'sweetheart'? Her heart beat erratically. "I can replay it. I can show memories. I  _promise_  I didn't hit first, Duke. I may have been rude, but I didn't touch him."

"I believe you, Mara. It's okay." Duke wrapped his arms around her and brushed a soft kiss to her lips. In front of his  _friends_.

Maybe her concussion was worse than she'd thought.

Audrey pushed Nathan to a chair, sitting next to him as Duke sat next to Mara, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her into his side. She was suddenly very, very tired. She wanted to hide, to cry. Instead, the storm closed in around them, rain pattering against the hull of the  _Rouge_.

She tried to calm herself, to stop the storm, but every time she blinked she saw another image from her time as Sarah. The cottage she rented from Vince and Dave. The tiny layette she'd knitted before she found out she couldn't stay. The many, many sleepless nights she'd lain awake thinking of ways to save her baby from Haven. The meetings with the Cogan's. James's small, perfect face as she'd nursed him, aching and alone as the rain fell, cutting her off from the world. Rain she hadn't even known she was creating. The utter devotion in Nathan's eyes as he'd kissed her.

Fool me once...

She swallowed against the lump in her throat, fighting a losing battle with the tears. She didn't want Nathan to see her vulnerable again, but she didn't want to leave Duke's embrace. She sensed the Aether in Audrey again, supporting and encouraging.

For a moment, she wondered what it would have been like if Audrey had been her sister. A twin to share stories in the dark, someone who understood her. The chance to not be alone. But she couldn't even have that tiny daydream, because if Audrey had been her twin, she'd have undergone the same torture and degradation that Mara had. She wouldn't wish that on anyone.

That feeling, the sheer inability to even entertain the daydream of not being alone hurt her more than Nathan's hands had, and she barely managed to keep her breath steady as the traitorous black tears tracked down her face. She formed each one into an orb, placing them in a bowl that she assumed was some exotic antique Duke had picked up in his travels. She was  _sad_ , and she didn't know how to cope.

Her voice was quiet but didn't waver, even as she continued to form orbs from the leaking tears.

"Your books, they tell you that a woman and a man started the Troubles. On purpose. The same books tell you I come back over and over, help the Troubled and that I'm taken away again. They never mention my name. They don't exactly say that the woman who created the Troubles is the woman who keeps coming back. Because that's not the case. Charlotte and William created the Troubles. I was trying to stop them. I came here to escape them.

"They caught me, lied to secure a conviction, and kept me caged in the Barn. I won't bore you with the details. They don't matter. But Audrey can tell you, because she remembers. I didn't start the Troubles. I  _never_  hurt anyone until I broke loose this time. I'm attached to William because my mother forced a betrothal on me when I was 9. She linked me to him to try and gain power." She rested her head on Duke's shoulder.

"For centuries, Nathan, the Aether has protected me from conceiving. A necessity, the way I was being used. I was a fool, and I misread your intentions. I trusted blindly, and it bit me in the ass. It  _hurt_. You asked why I was mad at you. That's why. Because I trusted you and you didn't care any more than William did. You used me because you were lonely, I looked like her and you were too afraid to just tell Audrey you loved her. But it was me who carried that child. Me who gave birth in that little bathroom, alone with the telephones down and candles as my only light.

"He was breech. Footling breech, actually. One of the more dangerous presentations. It's hard enough with someone taking care of you. I was afraid we'd both die. I was in labor for 12 hours from the time my water broke. I'd been having contractions all day, but assumed they were Braxton-Hicks. The rain hit with the first contraction. By the time my water broke, we were already flooded."

Mara breathed slowly. She wasn't sure why she'd let Audrey talk her into this. Duke kissed her ear, whispering, "You can do this. I'm proud of you."

Words were the real problem. She whispered back to Duke. "If I use some Aether, I can show. It will be easier. Do you mind?"

He touched his forehead to hers, smiling. "I don't mind. I trust you."

Pulling the top orb of the pile she was still spinning, she crushed it and blew, the Aether forming moving pictures like a video. Mara's memories, but from the vantage point of the Aether around her, showing her as she'd look to anyone in the room.

She watched with them, trembling enough that Duke noticed, pulling her closer.

It was her, but with red hair. With her perfect style gone, she looked more like she did at the moment- young and hurting. She was sweating, and the candles flickered around her. James's foot was outside of her body, and she watched, trying to stay distant as she saw herself straining to reach around her belly to try and pull his other leg loose. Eventually, she was successful and she moved carefully, letting his body hang from her as the pain tried to override her training.

After a few minutes, with a strangled scream, she managed to push his head out, and she gathered his bloody body to her chest, leaving the cord unclamped until it stopped pulsing, then tying it with dental floss. She watched herself nurse the little boy, remembering the love she'd felt.

The image in the memory spoke, and though the accent was present, it was Mara's voice that sounded.

"You look just like your Daddy. Oh, I wish I could tell him about you. Your name is James Nathan Vernon. Your... your new parents will change your name, angel, but that's who you are to me. I don't want to leave you. I'd stay trapped in this silly flood forever if it meant I could stay with you. I wish I could at least give you to your daddy to raise, but he's just not here right now. But he would have loved you. He loved me, he told me so."

Mara looked away, letting the memory fade. Her jaw was clenched in acute restraint, trying not to crumble. She felt raw, like she'd been scrubbed with steel wool.

"You think I started the Troubles. I can show you the first time I came here." She gestured, and the Aether reformed, showing Mara as a little girl, holding her father's hand as she was shown around the damaged town. The image shifted, showing William and Charlotte holding a boy down, Charlotte snapping at William to concentrate as he taunted the boy, using the Aether to damage him.

Another shift and Mara, far too young to be living on her own, although she was, was standing by a sickbed, using Aether to repair a defect that caused widespread neuropathic pain. The group stared as the man stopped thrashing and smiled, relaxing into sleep.

Then her mother's return, her bogus conviction. The first time in the Barn. William grunting into her as her mother made notes. Mara fought to keep her face blank, but she was shaking against Duke and he took her hand in one of his, the other still wrapped around her body.

Images of personalities trapping her, of the abuses she'd endured in the interim, when she was at the mercy of her mother and fiancee. All the important points laid out clearly in active, living color. She ended with the fight, Nathan triggering her, her words, him hitting her. The pause as she geared up, ready to fight back, and that second swing that made her take him down. Then she waved it away, thunder crashing directly overhead.

Audrey was wiping her eyes, sniffling. "Some I knew- I knew you didn't start the Troubles, that you were helping, but Mara... I didn't know that he'd hurt you like that. I'm sorry."

"Don't pity me." She made her tone softer, trying to be polite. "Please. Pity can't help me. but thank you."

Duke pulled Mara into his lap, and she curled up against him, grateful beyond words. "I'm sorry." Mara whispered to him.

"What for, sweetheart? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I shouldn't have hit him. I shouldn't have let him rile me up. Maybe I should have just let him have the second hit. It wouldn't have killed me. I'm making everything harder on you. It's not what I want, Duke. I lo-" Mara caught herself, barely in time. "I care about you being happy. I don't want to be a source of more stress for you. I want to make things easier for you. But it's like I said- I damage everything I touch.  _I'm_  the only real curse around here."

He was whispering back, but his gaze was fierce. "You haven't damaged anything here. I'm really glad you didn't let him hit you again. Look at you, you put a grown police officer on the ground without even scratching him, and that was  _after_  he hurt you. If he'd hit you in front of me, I'd have beat his ass into the ground. There would have been blood. Hell, I  _still_  want to hit him, but I like knowing that a girl- a barefoot, concussed girl- dropped him. It's like a Christmas present, Mara."

She looked into his eyes, whispering, "Is it better than a sled?"

He chuckled almost silently, the vibration relaxing her body. "Way better. And all the things you've given me in the last day and a half? I don't have to share."

"Not with anybody, I promise. I don't want to be with anyone but you." Her mouth was ahead of her brain again, and she flushed, looking away. "I- that came out wrong. I don't mean-"

"Shh. Remember, poetry is third date."

"We've never been on a date."

His eyes sparkled wickedly. "Oh, I disagree. I count at least two dates. Two and a half, if we hadn't been interrupted by these two."

She turned her face into his shoulder, to hide both her laughter and the blush.

Nathan spoke softly from his seat.

"I didn't- I'm sorry, Mara. I'm so, so sorry."

She went still as a statue in Duke's lap, but she was listening.

"You're right, I hit you because I felt guilty and ashamed. I didn't want to think of it as cheating on Audrey. I saw and felt the similarities, but I never considered that she was really different people. It's not an excuse. There  _is_  no excuse. What I did was selfish, and I can't- I can't make it up to you. I can't make it right. I don't know what to do."

He looked sad, and for the first time, he actually looked her in the eye, person to person. Mara gazed in apprehensive curiosity.

"Do you  _want_  to?"

"To make it right? Yes."

"For who, Nathan? For you, me, Audrey, Duke or James?"

There was only one correct answer to this question, but there were a lot of wrong answers. How she felt, acted and responded all hinged on a single answer that he'd only really understand if he was being honest.

Oddly, as she held her breath, she found herself hoping he got it right.

Nathan's eyes didn't leave hers, but his jaw quivered just slightly as he answered her. "For all of us, Mara."

The breath she'd been holding left her in a rush, and her body melted into Duke's. He was being honest. He'd gotten the right answer.

Mara felt Duke breathing against her. She considered his behavior. How many times, how many transgressions had he forgiven these two without even getting the apology she was getting? That answer was clear and easy; all of them.

Now could Mara try to learn from his example? Could she forgive even if she could never, ever forget? Duke's fingers brushed her back, a silent promise to support her either way. Duke loved them. She wanted Duke to love  _her_.

She heaved a great sigh, shoulders going limp as she released her mask, no longer trying to look bored or spiteful or angry. She just looked young and small, full of too many years of pain. "That's a good start. Nathan."

"Look..." she began, twirling orbs again, "I'm trying. But I'm frustrated and angry. I'm in a precarious position trying to protect Duke and Audrey without just... handing myself over. I'll do it, if I have to, but I'd rather not  _have_  to. You saw a little- a very little- bit of what happens to me there.  _I don't want to go back_. But I will if it's the only way to protect them. I'm telling you this as a show of... trust, I guess. You can turn around and take this right back to Momma, and I'll be gone before morning. Or you can try to help me find a way for everyone to stay safe without, as Duke called it, 'selling me into slavery'.

"You didn't know, and while that still hurts, I... understand... that you didn't mean to be cruel. You saw a face that looked like someone you loved, maybe you even realized it wasn't Audrey, but you didn't expect  _me_. When you found out what I am, you panicked and your hatred allowed you to compartmentalize the experiences. I didn't hate you about James until I realized how much you hated me. I tend to react with my gut instead of my head. I have trouble with forgiveness. Maybe because nobody ever wanted it from me."

She shrugged, uncomfortable. Duke was staring at her, his eyes deep and unreadable. She just wanted to know what he was  _thinking_. He valued honesty. Fine.

"It's easier for me to make people fear me, to make you hate me. It's easier than being honest and having people hate me for who I really am. My whole life, I've been hated; a failure and a disappointment to my mother. My father loved me, but not enough to stand up to my mother. Enough to help me run away, but that's it. I've never had anyone on my side, ever. Not to say that you are, I don't expect anything from anyone. I can take care of myself."

She glanced away from them, hands still spinning. She was surprised to feel Duke's arms tighten around her, his words stirring the hair around her ear. "I'm on your side."

"So am I." Audrey said, voice calm and certain.

Mara looked at Audrey, surprised. Audrey knew maybe 5% of the story, and yet she was willing to take Mara's side? What did that even mean?

"Thank you, but- I don't know what that means. There have been people who disapproved of what was happening, said they were on 'my side' and while I appreciated the thought, it doesn't tell me how to fight them. I'm not trying to sound ungrateful, but I honestly don't know what to do. How to save myself, if there even _is_  a way to save myself. Nathan helped destroy the Barn by killing Howard, Duke finished it off when he was there-" Mara cocked her head at Duke's surprised jerk.

"You didn't know? You really don't remember? I thought that was just a story to make everyone leave you alone. You don't remember?"

"No, Mara. I don't. I remember jumping in, calling for Audrey, and then I was in the water. I figured it's because time passes so much faster there. Did something happen?"

Mara reached out to place the orbs she'd been playing with into the bowl with the others she'd leaked since they'd hidden the box. She shifted in his lap so she could hold his face in her hands as she stared into his eyes.

"Time passes differently in the Void, that's true, but you were there longer than just a few minutes. I heard your voice, heard you calling for Audrey. I tried to get to you, I was yelling." She glanced down, blushing, but kept her hands on his face. "Begging, really. Beating on the wall, trying to get to you.

"You heard me, and I heard you. You were tearing things apart. I think the ability we discussed last night had surfaced. The Barn might have healed from Howard's death, but you- you tore it apart from the inside. Killed it. You kept screaming , "Let her go" over and over as you tore it apart. It took a few days to die, but it only died because of you and Nathan  _together_ \- him attacking the Keeper, the brain; you tearing out the heart of the Barn. You broke a hole in the wall, Duke, and I was able to touch your fingers just before you were expelled from the Barn. That touch, it was enough. Enough to keep Audrey from letting go.  _You're_  the reason Lexie didn't take. You made Audrey remember, helped make her able to survive the wipe.

"I would have told you sooner, but I assumed you remembered and kept it quiet. And we didn't discuss much of anything before the last few days. You wouldn't have believed me anyway. I'm sorry, I wasn't keeping it secret on purpose."

He wrapped his hands around her waist. "Really? I helped keep Audrey around?"

"Yeah, you did, Duke. You did good." She leaned forward and kissed his head.

"But wait- Mara, aren't you yourself if the Barn?"

Oh no. Red alert. Not a question she wanted to answer, certainly not in front of  _them_. Her eyes were wide and she was scrambling for something to say, but kept coming up blank.

She stood, pulling out of Duke's lap. "I'll be back, I just need to use the restroom."

She walked quickly, shutting herself in the bathroom and wetting a cloth to wash her face. She had to give Nathan credit- he hit pretty hard. Nothing broken, but like Duke's handprint on her arm, it would get dark.

Oddly, his attack made her respect him more. Not that she could have respected him  _less_  than she had. Forgiveness really was a difficult thing.

She could feel the presence before the knock, and she dropped her head to her chest as she spoke. "Go ahead, Duke. I'm decent."

He slid in and closed the door behind him, watching her carefully.

"What's wrong, Mara?"

"I need some kind of pain medication. Got anything?"

He reached around her, pulling a prescription bottle out and handing it to her. She took two out, swallowing in silence.

"Let's try again. What's wrong, Mara?"

She was trying. Really trying not to lie. It was harder than she'd have thought. Lies should be harder, they required thought and planning, a good memory and a way of understanding people. Truth should be simple. Just spitting out facts. It didn't work right. Everything in this world was backwards.

"Look, I trust you. But I'm still learning things, and I'm not necessarily comfortable telling them everything I tell you. It's embarrassing."

"Come here." He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "You can just talk to me. You don't have to tell them. You don't  _have_  to tell me, but I hope you do."

"You were right." Mara whispered. "I'm me in the Barn. But I remembered Audrey, she was still so close. When I felt your hand, I felt her too, and I just- reacted. I was scared and I didn't want to be alone. I held onto her, because you loved her and she was there and I didn't want to be alone. I'm a coward. I grabbed on and wouldn't let go. So you were the catalyst for her living, absolutely- but once you brought her memory up, I couldn't let go. I wanted her help. But she couldn't have helped me. I was afraid. I grabbed onto  _Audrey_  for help. How weak am I?"

She pressed her face to his chest, trying to breathe evenly. Duke had seen her plenty exposed, there wasn't much point hiding from him. Even just telling Audrey she could have dealt with. But to have Nathan know that in her hour of fear that she'd grabbed onto a fake personality- after she'd just gotten him to understand the difference between her and the programs? No way.

"You're not weak. You're the strongest person I know. Too strong for your own good, sometimes. You push people away and try to do it all yourself, but Mara- I  _want_  to be here for you. "

She inhaled deeply, breathing him in. She'd do anything for him. Absolutely anything.

"I don't know how to be with people, Duke. Not as myself. I've got no experience trusting people. Everyone wanted something from me. But you're not asking for anything, so I don't know how to act or what to do. If I tell them- Audrey I don't mind so much, but Nathan is only just starting to understand that I'm an actual person- he'll go right back to thinking I'm just the evil leftover garbage from all the personalities.

"Nobody can understand. Having to refer to yourself as different people. It's like... imagine each 3 year period of your life people use a different name for, and refuse to accept that they're all still the same person. You were the same Duke when you visited Nepal as you are now. But the people you met in Nepal, if you meet them again, say you're dead and refuse to acknowledge that you're the same person. Or imagine if Nathan decided to write your life story, and a few hundred years from now you're still around, but everyone believes that Nathan wrote the only truth. It's frustrating."

Duke kept his arms around her, rocking her as he shifted from foot to foot.

"If it helps at all, I don't see you that way."

She shifted her head against his chest so she could sniff his shirt. It was fascinating- the way smell could remind you of feelings. Duke smelled like  _home_. Yet she'd never had a home, so the feeling made no sense.

"How do you see me then, Duke Crocker?" She normally wouldn't ask a question she didn't want an honest answer to, but she wasn't anywhere near  _normal_  today.

"I see the woman who handled being pushed around and abused and still stuck around because she wanted to help people. I see the woman who cares so much that even when she thought I was killing her, used her last bit of energy to try and make us  _safe."_ He kissed her hair.

"Mara, it's more than just the idea of you taking Nathan down barefoot that feels like a Christmas present. You let me in. You talked to me and told me about the things you're afraid of, you didn't push me away... you let me love you."

She was feeling raw and vulnerable, but that was okay when she was with Duke. He didn't judge her for having feelings. She was pretty sure, at least. How much worse could it get, really? She'd embarrass herself again? But maybe he'd want to hear what she had to say. She remembered that he was as lonely as she'd been.

What the hell. If anyone had earned a leap of faith, it was Duke. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she pressed her face harder against his chest. "I'm in love with you. Gods help me- and you- but I can't  _not_  be. I've tried. I've tried, Duke." She sighed, sagging, waiting for him to freeze and disengage from her. The day had pretty much fallen apart anyway.

He lowered his face so his mouth was against her ear, his arms tightening around her. "I've been waiting for you to say that all day, Mara."

"I- come again? What?"

"I said, I've been waiting for you to say that all day."

"But why? Aren't you upset?"

"Not at all. In fact, when you said it while you were sleeping, I made a damn fool out of myself, wiggling around and grinning like a damn idiot."

Mara's stared at Duke, open-mouthed. "That's what I said in my sleep? That's what you were teasing me about this morning?"

"Oh yeah. In fact, when you said it, I actually spent almost five minutes trying to get you to repeat yourself. And you must have been listening, because you said it again, except you called me 'blackbird' the second time."

Mara was very still, eyebrow furrowed, staring at Duke. "I did? I- did anything strange happen when I called you that?"

He buried his face in her hair. "Nothing exactly happened. It was strange though. You looked so happy and peaceful. Like you'd found something you were looking for."

What had happened? "I haven't thought about Blackbird since I was a child. Blackbirds were associated with OtherWorld travel on this world. My father used to tell me a story. It was a long time ago. Something about a special Blackbird who turned against his own species to love a Dove. I thought he'd made it up to cheer me. He always said William could never be the Blackbird. That he was a Canary, shiny and yellow, with a lovely song but no soul."

She looked into his eyes. "You're not angry? Not upset or disgusted or- or whatever guys feel? People don't like hearing that monsters love them outside Audrey's crap books, I thought it yesterday and today both."

"Is that what brought up your huffing about Audrey's taste in books?" Mara nodded and Duke laughed loudly. "I knew you were thinking something, but that's hilarious."

He stopped laughing, but continued to smile down at her. "Mara, you're not a monster. I figured that out even before I knew you didn't create the Troubles. I figured it out when you fixed Audrey, and when you fixed me even though I was being a big jerk. If I'm lucky enough to be loved by someone like you... no, not mad at all. I want to be your Blackbird."

She smiled a little, swallowing. "Thank you. For not being upset with me. I can't  _not_  love you. I've done it for a long time, and I just can't stop."

He wrapped her tighter, whispering in her ear. "Please don't try to stop, Mara.  _I love you, too_."

Oh my. He said- it was so good when he wasn't mad, she hadn't allowed herself to hope for more. But this- loving her back? She was unprepared. What if he was just saying it because he thought he had to? What if he was just being nice?

He looked into her eyes and smiled, amused as though he could hear her thoughts, then he shook his head and brought his mouth to hers. He kissed her slowly, thoroughly, and in between kisses, he mumbled against her lips, "Shh. Whatever you're saying to yourself, stop. Trust me, Mara. Not just with the water taps or clothes. Trust me to love you. You should know that I can make up my own mind.

Damn him. He had to go and make her cry. She held onto him life a life raft, clinging as she cried.

It was strange- almost certainly some combination of concussion and Aether-shock, but she kind of wanted to tell Audrey. Not to gloat- she knew Audrey was happy with Capt-  _Nathan_. Damn, she really had to work on that- but to  _share_. As though Audrey would be happy for her. That wasn't possible, obviously. So why did she have such an unusual feeling?

Besides, Duke might well want to keep her secret. She wouldn't blame him.

It was hard to think when she was lost in his kisses, though. Somehow, when he kissed her, it didn't even hurt the cut on her mouth. This feeling was new and very, very strong. wild, like an animal. Primal. She wanted him  _now_. Mara didn't have enough personal experience.

"Duke..." She mumbled into his mouth and then gave up, reaching down to brush against him through his jeans. She heard his breath catch, and his lips quirked up as his eyes darkened.

"Mara, are you propositioning me?"

She nodded seriously, reaching down his waistband to wrap a hand around him.

"I am so, so in- bite me if you need to yell. I'll teach you the secrets of making love while you have company." His grin was wicked, and Mara felt flushed, quickly undoing his fly.

"I think I'm going to implode if I can't have you right now." She kissed his neck, running her tongue along his pulse.

He pushed her leggings down, pulling them off as he reached her bare feet, and he pulled his sweater off her, leaving just the tank top. "Wrap your arms around my shoulders, and hold on to me, Mara."

She shivered, muscles clenching as she grabbed him, and he lifted her, urging her to wrap her legs around his hips. He pressed her to the wall, holding her up with hands gripping her ass as he shifted, pushing into her.

Dear gods, she'd never seen something so beautiful. The look on his face and he moved inside her make her chest feel warm and overfull, and he fit her so ideally, she could feel every bit of him as he pressed against the sensitive spots inside her. She was panting, gasping; her body was set only to respond to his, she didn't remember how to breathe correctly.

She'd never had a chance to really see him making love to her. Her eyes had been so clouded by Aether. But the sight, this picture of his face relaxed but focused, eyes half closed as he touched her,  _loving_ her and the pleasure she gave him in return would be burned into her mind for the rest of her life, even if she never, ever died.

She was whimpering, trying to be quiet as tiny muffled moans poured out of her. She couldn't be  _quiet_. So she did what she'd promised and followed directions. Mara bit Duke's shoulder.

She wasn't trying to hurt him, of course not, but everything was so overwhelming, she bit just hard enough to keep her from shouting.

She didn't realize he liked  _pain_.

He growled deep in his chest as his body reacted, pushing harder against her, thrusting with his entire body, holding her so tightly she could hardly breathe, but it wasn't enough. She was  _so close_  and the sound of their skin slapping and rubbing together made her back arch, and she couldn't stop the words, though at least they were whispered; "Duke, Gods please, I'll learn to be a better person, show me and I'll follow you. Duke, I love you!"

She pressed her mouth to his shoulder again, sucking instead of biting, and as he heard her words, her declaration of love, his head fell back in pure rapture. He shifted his angle to touch her  _just right_ , and when he thrust this time, she blew apart, stronger than the reaction from the Aether-blast. She heard his hoarse, hushed cry before she felt him come inside her, sharing himself with her.

It was an odd thought, but she felt like he was  _healing_  her. Replacing a bad moment with one so glorious that nothing could stand against it. Then Duke spoke, still rocking inside her, and it got  _better_.

"I love you, Mara. I love you and I'm  _so fucking glad_  you let me in. Don't leave me. Stay with me and we can learn together."

She kissed him, certain that if she practiced enough, one day she would manage to make them one being.

This was how life was supposed to feel. Beautiful and powerful and perfect; complete.

He held her securely as he pulled out, and when her feet touched the ground, she felt like a whole new person. Truly happy, maybe for the first time ever. If anyone could help her save herself, give her a reason to fight, it was Duke. Nobody could beat her with him at her side.

She was giggling very quietly as he helped her get redressed, and she carefully closed his fly for him, bending to press a kiss just under his belly button. He grinned, stroking her hair back as she straightened up. She couldn't stop  _smiling_.

"You mean it, don't you?" Mara asked quietly, still smiling,

"Every word. And so did you."

"Of course. I'm going to learn how to be around people, and I'm going to learn how to fight. If you want me, I will  _find_  a way to stay with you. I'll never let anyone force me from you, not ever. Not as long as you want me."

He grabbed her tightly around her waist. "You're talking about forever."

"I really hope so. Am- am I allowed to kiss you in front of people? If you want me to be discreet, I can."

"Mara, I don't care where I am or who's around- if I turn down a kiss, check my temperature. Anywhere, anytime. I don't need secrets, I'd rather have you."

She laughed and jumped on him, hugging him tightly and kissing him. "Come on gorgeous. We have company." She took his hand and led him back out laughing.


	8. To Unlearn All I've Learned

When they came back to the living room, Audrey was curled up next to Nathan. When Audrey smiled at her, Mara hesitantly smiled back.

If Duke loved them this much, he must have a reason.

Mara sat on the couch next to Duke, folding her hands in her lap. She glanced at Nathan.

"I- okay, look, Nathan. I haven't been as fair to you as I probably should have. I've been judging you from my own point of view. But humans aren't like me. Hell, most of my own people aren't like me. I can see your point, a little. The same face comes back over and over, most people are going to be confused. You were less afraid with Sarah because part of you _did_ know you'd get home, and Sarah and Audrey acted a bit similar sometimes. It was a way to get what you wanted without having to deal with the ramifications if Audrey didn't love you back.

"Intellectually, I understand where you were coming from. You had no way of knowing I was trapped under those personalities. It's... easier to be angry with you than it is to be angry with myself. Because when I realized that what I saw in your eyes was about Audrey, not me, I felt _stupid_. Naive. Frustrated. _Sad_. So fucking sad I couldn't stand it. Even trapped, I was always proud that I was _smart_. Realizing how stupid I really was- it hurts."

She looked at Duke, and he was looking at her almost like he was _proud_ of her. She took a deep breath and continued.

"I've been hurting you back since I got free, but that single issue still haunts me. So when you brought it up, asking why I was mad at you... I reacted poorly and I knew how to make you hurt, too. I meant what I said- the one hit I took for free. I was desperate to get some kind of reaction from you. To make you acknowledge me. It was a free shot. And I was glad when you tried to hit me again, because I finally had a _right_ to hurt you back. I've watched you beat on Duke all this time, and he took it. I _wanted_ to hit you. I keep hearing your voice in my head, the things you said to me when I was Sarah and then you calling me pathetic and evil. I _must_ be pathetic, because it still hurts.

"Even if you can't understand, you should know that every single day has been torture for me. I'm so angry, and sometimes I think that's all that's holding me together. I wish Audrey wasn't going to remember these things, but I can't fix that, either. But you can ask her, because she remembers enough already- I only understand _pain_. Everything else is foreign to me. 99% of the times I've trusted, I was used."

She crossed her arms, hugging herself.

"Just be good to her, and to Duke. Stop hitting him. If he's your best friend, then act like it."

She stood, going to get some water. Duke caught her hand to stop her. "Where are you going?" His voice was even and level, but she was emotionally raw, and she froze, searching his face. She thought she was done being a hostage, that he trusted her, even liked her. Why the restraining hand now?

"I was going to get a drink." Her reply was soft and hesitant.

"I'll get it. Sit down. Tea or water?" He stood to face her as he asked, the gap between them very small. He leaned in to whisper in her ear, still holding her hand. "You just started talking. Don't shut down now."

Mara sighed, whispering back. "I don't know how to do this, Duke. I don't usually deal with... people."

"You're doing fine. And you _have_ been sick. I told you, you've got to learn to let me help you."

She straightened her spine, nodded and sat back down. "Water, please."

She sat in silence for a few moments. Just as she was about to speak, Nathan's phone rang. She relaxed a little, studying Audrey.

Until she realized who Nathan was talking to.

She could tell almost immediately as she saw Nathan's eyes dart back and forth between Mara and Audrey. Mara jumped up and ran for Duke, almost colliding with him in the small kitchen- _galley_ \- she remembered. She grabbed Duke's arm.

"He's talking to my mother! She called him! Oh gods, I should have played nice, I shouldn't have hit him. He has no reason not to sell me out."

He wrapped his arm around her, handing her a bottle of water.

"Shh. Nathan has a few issues, but he won't let her hurt you. Audrey's better now. He has no reason to help that woman."

"I'm sorry. I hate this, I don't want to be weak and clingy. But every time I think of her I just..."

"Panic?"

She shrugged. "Not the word I'd have used. But between you and me... yeah, I guess so."

He gently tilted her chin up so she would look into his eyes. He looked very serious, as though begging her to understand him.

"I will not let her touch you."

"If she finds out abut Audrey or you, you'll be in as much danger as me! I won't let her touch _you_ , Duke. If it comes down to it, you have to hand me over."

"No. Absolutely not. It's not even an option. Come on, let's see what they're talking about." He pulled her into the living room with him, and though she tried, she couldn't keep the distress off her face. She rushed to kneel in front of Audrey, grabbing her hands in her desperation.

Her voice was a hushed whisper. "Audrey, please. I won't do anything to hurt anyone. I'll stay out of your way. Stay away from her, please. If you want me to beg, I will. Don't go anywhere near her. You know why I don't want to go back, but I will, Audrey. I will if it's the only thing that keeps you two safe. But _you_ know why I don't want to go. Nathan won't listen to me, but he might to you." Mara laid her head in Audrey's lap, shoulders shaking.

She felt a hand stroking her hair, and the gentle touch seemed to break something inside her. She felt the crack, and then she was crying, hugging Audrey's waist. "Shh, we won't let that happen. We don't just give in, and we won't start now."

Mara didn't lift her head until the tears were gone, the Aether reabsorbed into her skin. She looked at Audrey with wide eyes, jaw clenched as she looked to Nathan, who was just hanging up. He looked tired.

"What did she say?" Mara whispered.

"That she needs you in order to keep Audrey alive." Nathan looked ill.

_Swallow your pride, Mara. Suck it up._

A memory of her time with William in the Barn flared in her skull. Him snarling at her to shut up and just take it. To do her job.

"I'm sorry, Nathan. I'm sorry. Please don't do this. I told you I'll go if it's the only way to keep them safe, but if it doesn't come down to that, please don't. It will never end until I die, and _I don't age_. That means it will never, ever stop. I can't do this anymore."

He looked pained as he stared down at her splotchy, bruised face. This didn't look like the Mara he'd grown used to. Didn't look like Audrey or Lucy either. Just a girl who was hurt, tired and scared.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. But don't be afraid. We won't let her get you."

Mara rocked back, sitting on her heels. She put her hands over her face.

What the hell had gone wrong? She'd been _winning_. Slipped the leash, saw the Barn torn to shreds, even gotten control of her own body again. Even her time as their pet prisoner wasn't that bad. They'd been entertaining.

Then Duke ripped Audrey away from her. She didn't even mind that. It was kind of a relief, actually.

But the second she slipped up, let her heart lead her head, she'd ruined everything. Because she couldn't just allow Duke and Audrey to die. Because she was still the stupid little girl she'd always been. If she'd just run, they'd both have died, but she'd be somewhere beyond Charlotte's reach.

_Time to grow up, Mara._

She'd chosen differently. Fixed Audrey, saved Duke. Because she _loved_ him. Heart over head. She'd made her bed, and now she had to lie in it.

Although... he'd said he loved her. Duke didn't throw around words like 'love' pointlessly. He kept that locked up and safe, because he was as emotionally damaged as she was. Maybe in this case, growing up meant taking a stand. Figuring out what was worth fighting for other than the pathetic excuse of a life she'd been living.

Maybe growing up meant deciding to put something else before her own desires. Freedom didn't mean much if she was alone, afraid and rejected. There was no home for someone like that. Only places to lay. Home was what she'd felt earlier, watching Duke's eyes through the haze of Aether. Home wasn't just a place. It was _love_. Something Mara had no prior experience with it, but she wanted to. She wanted to feel complete.

She stood on shaking legs, and took a deep breath. She didn't even bother with the mask anymore.

"I want... to be better. I don't want to hurt all the time, to lash out at anyone who gets near me. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to be constantly looking over my shoulder, afraid of what my mother or William will do to me next. I won't stand back and make you guys lab rats on my behalf." She glanced at Duke, blushing. "I want to be who I am when I'm with Duke. I didn't create the Troubles, but I can help you do something Momma can't- together, we can _stop_ them.

"Momma isn't gifted. She can't use Aether. It doesn't recognize her. So maybe there's a way to stop her. Even Thinnies that I personally locked, I can't unlock. I wasn't trying to go home. I was just trying to get the Aether I needed to help Duke, and thankfully there was enough Aether to fix them both. I didn't want you to die, Audrey. I hated you because I hate myself.

"This isn't your problem, so I won't ask you to get involved. If they can't get any more samples from Audrey, as long as she doesn't always look like superwoman, Momma- _Charlotte_ \- should assume the deterioration just plateaued. She may get curious about Duke if some local tells her about his family, but I have faith in his ability to dodge her. He's smarter than everyone else here combined. "

Duke pressed his hand to her lower back, stroking gently.

"Mara, I'm _offering_ to help. I hate what happened and I want you to feel safe."

"He's right, this situation is horrible. I'm with you."

Mara held her hands up. "Nobody needs to pity me, nobody _owes_ me. I know I hurt you. My mother is my responsibility, not yours. I understand you feel like you have to save everyone, but I'm a big girl and you don't have to save me."

Nathan stood, facing Mara. She'd dropped her hands to her sides and she faced him, standing straight as ever. She looked tired and ill, but like Audrey, she remained unbent and appeared strong, even sick and bruised. She didn't flinch as he approached her, just watched him with a strange expression; sadness mixed with recognition, regret and even sympathy.

"We don't help people just because we have to. We do it because we want to. We got off to a bad start. Doesn't mean it has to stay bad."

"I'm sorry I hurt you. Sorry I said things to hurt you. Sorry about all of it."

He smiled slightly, cocking his head a little to look at her face. "Guess we've both done things we're not proud of. We could dwell on that- I've tried, Duke knows- or we can try to do better going forward."

Her gaze turned speculative. "What are you saying?"

"I'd like to start over. I don't want to live in the past anymore."

Mara stared into his eyes, trying to read him. Trying to _understand_ him. Trying to understand herself, to sort through her emotions and decide what she really wanted.

"Where I come from, there's an old... I guess you guys would call it a spell. It's very rarely used. When the Target makes the oath, there's no way they can actually lie to the person they've made the oath to. Well, they _could_ lie, but they really wouldn't want to. When the Target lies to the oath-holder, it's immediately obvious. Not to the other people around them, only to whoever they've made the oath to."

She set her jaw, furrowed her brow and clenched her fists.

"I want to take the Oath. To the three of you. Nobody else. I want you to have proof when I tell you the truth. I want you to be able to believe completely. If you're willing to try to help me after everything that's happened, then you've earned it."

"Mara," Audrey interrupted, "you don't need to do this."

"I do. For all of you and for me. I don't want to worry that you don't believe me. This will save a lot of time."

Before anyone could react, Mara was speaking quickly, foreign words running together until all they could understand were their own names and Mara's.

The air felt heavy, like a thick fog surrounding them. Sparks like lightning surrounded them, the image of the Maze flaring brief but bright enough to leave its imprint on their eyes, and as quickly as it started it stopped, leaving the room exactly as it had been. Nathan and Mara both sat back down, and then Duke started the interrogation.

"What did you just do, Mara? What do you mean by it being obvious when you lie?"

"I made the Oath. It doesn't mean I have to answer everything you ask- I won't give up my free will- In those cases I will tell you that I don't want to discuss something. But if I outright lie to you, you'll see it. It also gives me impetus not to lie to you. I can show you."

She pulled off Duke's button-up, leaving her arms bare, the Maze still visible on her wrist. "Ask me questions."

Audrey was staring at her, squinting. "Did you start the Troubles?"

"No."

Nothing happened.

"Is your name Mara Cross?"

"No. It's Mara Crossen."

Nothing.

Nathan went next. "Do you want to start over with us?"

"Yes."

Again, nothing happened.

Duke was giving her that look again, like he was peeling back her skin to look inside her. "Mara, are you in love with me?"

Son of a bitch. He could have picked an easier lie. Like if she liked clowns. But Duke, Duke never did anything the easy way. She clenched her jaw and sighed, holding her arms in front of her where they could see.

"No."

As the word left her mouth, there was a burst of bright light, and they saw a black slice appear on her arm above the Maze. A drop of blood ran down her skin before the slice closed, leaving a puckered pink scar.

Mara grabbed a tissue and calmly wiped the blood from her arm as they stared at her, aghast. She was embarrassed, but it had been her idea to demonstrate. She had made the Oath knowing the consequences, and truly, if it meant they would trust her, it was worth it.

Audrey looked deeply disturbed. "It hurts you?"

Mara shrugged. "Only if I lie."

"You should have told us. That's unfair."

"I have the right to tell you I don't want to answer anything I want. In a crowd, if, say, we were with a bunch of people and I had to lie, only you three would see the light. I haven't sworn to anyone else, so I can lie to anyone else with impunity."

Nathan was deep in thought and he did a double-take that almost made Mara laugh. "That means you really want to start over, even with me?"

"Yes, I do."

"Have you forgiven me for everything about Sarah and you?"

"No, but I'm trying. I understand it from a certain standpoint, and I'm trying to make the rest of myself understand it. I'm trying,"

"So you _are_ in love with me?" Duke asked.

She threw away the bloody tissue and put his shirt back on, crossing her arms. "I'd really rather not discuss that right now, Duke."

"Can we discuss it later?"

"Yes, Duke."

Audrey interrupted him again. "Are we bound to you the same way?"

"No. I made the Oath, it was a personal decision. You can't force it on someone else."

"How do we do it for you?"

Mara shook her head. "I don't want you to. I think I need to learn to trust without a net. If I fall, I fall. Besides, I don't even know if humans can do it. Obviously _you_ can, Audrey, but I don't know that it would work on Nathan and Duke."

"It's not really fair for you to do that for us, and have to trust us blindly." Audrey insisted.

"Look, maybe it's selfish, but honestly, if you guys decide to hand me over, I don't want to know ahead of time. I don't want that dread. I'd rather pretend everything is okay until it just _isn't_. I have't experienced a lot of peace, and I'd rather just enjoy it while I can."

Gods this was embarrassing to discuss. For a moment, she wished for the chains and the hold, the whiskey in mason jars talking to Duke. When they feared her, but Duke kept talking to her out of morbid curiosity or sheer loneliness.

Then Duke's arm went around her, pulling her close to his side, and she didn't miss the chains at all. She twined her fingers with his, resting her head on his shoulder. Gods, she was tired. The pills Duke had given her made her a bit less restrained, and she didn't feel anxious as she cuddled against Duke. She had to get used to honesty with them.

"I need to face her myself. If she wants you to bring me in, Nathan, I... I _trust_ you to bring me to talk to her. But just to talk. I won't let her take me again. She's less dangerous separate from William, but she made William what he is, don't forget that. "

Nathan looked uncomfortable. "There's a chance she's gotten _involved_ with Dwight. He's the one who provided her the Aether that she's been using."

Mara looked green. "That's... I'd say sick, but for Momma, it's pretty typical. The boy I showed you, the one she was having William torture? That was the start of the Hendrickson Trouble. She developed that herself, it was't even William's idea. And now she's screwing him? It only makes sense from a power standpoint. He could get the Aether, she knows you won't hurt him. He has to hear her say who she is, he won't believe anyone else."

Mara turned her face into Duke's shirt, breathing him in while she tried to think of a plan. "If we set up a time to see Momma, do you think you can get Dwight in the same place, so he overhears her?"

"Mara, you tell me when and where and I will make sure to get him where you need him. Don't worry." He turned his head to kiss her hair, running his fingers up and down her side.

She nodded. "Nathan, may I use your phone? Please."

Nathan handed it over silently. Mara put it on speaker and dialed, reaching for her spiteful, bored tone.

"Dr. Cross."

"I heard you want to see me,"

"Dove. Nathan found you quickly."

"Small town, word spreads. What do you want, Momma?"

"I need to see you. Audrey is sick and she needs your help."

Mara shot an apologetic look at Audrey, slipping Duke's shirt off again, just in case. "Why should I care?"

"Oh Dove, we both know it's your nature. You've always wanted to help people."

Mara clenched her jaw and closed her eyes. "I don't care what happens to Audrey."

Light flashed and another cut opened on Mara's arm, closing quickly again.

Duke moved with his usual agility, carefully wiping the blood from her arm.

"Mara, you need to come back. You know how important my work is."

"Your work? You mean the experiments you've been running on this town? The ones you let them blame on me?"

"I let you take _credit_ for them, Mara. You'll be a hero when you come home."

Mara thought hard for a moment. "A hero?"

"I need you to help bring William back, Mara. Just bring him back, we'll take our information and you can go home. To your father."

"Do you mean that?" Mara sounded hopeful.

"Of course I do."

Mara grimaced and said, in a sweet, hushed voice, "I believe you."

Again the light, again the blood.

"When do you want to see me?"

Charlotte sounded like she was smiling. "What about 10:00 tomorrow morning?"

Mara looked at Duke who nodded.

"Yes, Momma. I'll be there."

"You're a good girl Mara. You're not built for running and hiding. You need to be looked after, or people will take advantage of you. They can never love you, you know that. You're too different. They can only fear you."

"I know." Mara whispered, but there was no light this time. No blood. She _believed_ what she was saying this time.

Mara shut the phone off, tossing it back to Nathan as she sat back, looking tired. "We have to be there at 9:30 if she expects us at 10:00. Can you do that, Nathan?

"Of course. Are you okay?"

"I'm f-" she caught herself before the word left her mouth. She pulled Duke's shirt back on as she continued. "No. I'm... worried. About seeing her. About Audrey and Duke. About William. That she's right about me. I'm something to be feared, not loved."

Duke gently held both her shoulders, forcing her to face him. "That's not true. Don't let her determine your worth."

Mara stood and began pacing. 3 steps each way, over and over.

"But she's right! My Gods, you kept me in chains until what- 2 days ago? Look what I can do!" She turned to face them. Her eyes blazed like fire as thunder rumbled ominously. She stood with her hands out as the _Rouge_ rocked when the waves picked up and they heard rain falling. Mara was still overloaded with Aether, and her crazed fear and loathing fueled her further. Black tears rolled down her face as she hiccuped and laughed maniacally, the tears seeping back into her skin with no Target or Intent to guide them.

She was out of control, and too overwhelmed to stop herself. She wondered if she'd burn herself out, overload and finally just die.

Suddenly Duke was in front of her, and he took her hands, pulling her forward and kissing her.

The kiss was insistent, as powerful as the storm outside, but she felt her soul rock like the ship and the thunder and rain tapered off as her arms came up around him, kissing him back. For a moment she felt the strangest sensation, as though her body actually believed they could become one, that she didn't have to be a damaged pawn in someone's sick game. It took her a long time to understand what the feeling was, because she hadn't felt it since she was a small child.

Pandora's Box had been opened, all the horrors of the world surrounded her life; but the box wasn't empty, and she finally recognized the feeling for what it was. The last thing left in that legendary box, the thing that kept the worlds spinning even with the evils running around.

 _Hope_.

Hope was what filled her when Duke kissed her. Hope and a desperate longing, a strange wish to be small enough to curl up in his chest and live there, listening to his heartbeat. She sobbed into his mouth and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight against him. When she finally pulled back to catch her breath, he whispered fiercely, no room for argument in his tone.

"She's _wron_ _g_. You  _are_  loved. You have to know that I'm not afraid of you, Mara. We talked about this. I don't give a shit if you can manipulate the weather. I don't care if you can use Aether. Mara, when it came down to the line, you saved Audrey. You can say all day that you did it for me, just because I asked you; but I saw you when you saw how sick Audrey was. When you saw she was suffering, you fixed her because you didn't want her hurting. That wasn't about me. It was about you having a big fucking heart.

 "It's the same reason you were so pissed at Nate. Because you were hurt, and you can't be that hurt unless you've loved. Please, if you don't trust yourself, trust me. I have no reason to lie to you. None. You know that. Don't let that bitch get in your head, Mara, She doesn't know you. She only thinks about what she tried to make you. The fact that she failed is proof that you're got a huge heart. Most people, Mara, even strong ones, they would never have lasted ten years, never mind 500. And you still care. Somehow you still give, even free from the Barn and the personalities."

He rubbed her back gently. "There's one more big way I know this. Someone once told me you can't really love someone unless they love you back. And you know I love you, so I know, I know without a doubt, that you love me. So we're going to pin that bitch to the wall, Mara. We'll put her somewhere she can never hurt anyone again."

She took a deep, shuddering breath as she looked into Duke's eyes. They held no pretense, no agenda. He didn't want anything from her.

Duke didn't need a fancy incantation to make his words his oath.

She nodded, the tear tracks drying on her face. "Thank you. And I do love you, but I already said that, huh?" She fidgeted when she got nervous, just like Audrey.

"That's something I'm not sure I could hear too much of."

Mara glanced anxiously at Audrey and Nathan. It was comical, really. If they'd been cartoons, Nathan's jaw would have been on the floor, eyes bugging out of his head, a strange mix of shock, curiosity and hesitation. Audrey would have been floating 4 feet above the loveseat, hands clasped against her chest and a grin that couldn't stop. You could practically hear a 'squee' emanating from her.

Audrey danced over to them as soon as they looked at her, an arm going around each of them. Mara's first group-hug. It took her a second to catch on, but she put her hand on Audrey's back, squeezing. It felt strange, being so close to another _her_ that it made her jittery, shivers running up her spine.

"I'm so, so proud of both of you. You've both changed and grown up so much." Audrey smiled broadly. "I'm so happy for you both. And Mara? Consider this my first official 'I told you so'.

Mara hadn't seen him move, but then Nathan was next to Audrey. "She's right. Congratulations. Just treat each other well. I can see you're happy, and I'm glad. I can't think of another woman I'm trust him with- or a guy I'd trust with you. Congratulations."

Nathan shocked her by hugging her, and then he hugged Duke. Audrey had just hugged Duke and ran around Nathan to Mara, throwing her arms around the other woman.

Their skin touched and everything froze; the room felt filled with static electricity. Both women's eyes shone; Mara's her signature gold-specked red and Audrey's blue with gold. Neither man knew about Audrey's new abilities. Nathan stepped back up a half step automatically.

As they touched, they spoke as one, intonation, volume and cadence precisely the same. The only difference was the timbre. Mara's voice was slightly lower.

"Some laws are older than man. The gods judge man by their deeds and their weaknesses. Some bonds cannot be hindered by time or distance and nothing overcomes that union. That is the only true bond. Love conquers all."

Both of their eyes turned a matching violet, they shook for a moment and when they were able, they stepped away carefully, both confused.

Join the team.

Nathan gained his speech first, and he said, "What just happened?"

Mara was looking at her hands, trying to understand. "I don't know. It could have been any number of physical or paranormal issues, but I swear I didn't hurt her or do anything on purpose. We've had physical contact since Audrey got well and sometimes it felt.... charged, like lightning, but nothing like this."

"But a couple things did change, Mara. The Oath, the talking. Forgiveness and acceptance. Maybe just believing. And it must be be like one of the twin things where they do the same things or say the same thing at the same time. We were one person who suddenly split into two. That's pretty much the definition of 'twin'. I wonder if it's every time we touch or only sometimes. Want to check?"

"We... may as well, I guess." Mara held her hand out tentatively and Audrey took it in her own. Nothing at all happened.

Both women considered, the men trying to come to grips with what they'd just seen, still looking like they's just suffered severe head trauma.

"I may have an idea, but I'd feel better if Duke and Nathan sat down. You guys look like you're about to fall over."

The men sat, staring in fascination.

"This is just a theory, but I think... I think our souls opened to each other. Audrey is her own person, but she's still something that was ripped from me. I cover the cracks with other things, but I think maybe when we were both open and happy and we made contact, our spirits recognized the missing pieces and fused for a moment. The one thing I'm pretty sure of is that Momma put me in that Barn for more than the one or two reasons she said. If we were born with this power, we'd have been a danger to her and her plans. Ripping parts out and keeping me from being whole would have given her a huge advantage. If we wanted to try and practice- I don't even know what we would be capable of."

Mara ran a hand through her hair."I'm absolutely _not_ suggesting we recombine. I prefer for us to be different people. But if something truly terrible happens, it could be a big advantage. Something to consider. Working in sync, together."

She looked at Audrey cautiously. "Did you mean that, the twin thing? You'd equate yourself to me that way?" She looked doubtful. "Most people would be insulted to be compared with me like that."

Audrey cocked her head, looking back at Mara. "Most people don't know the stories about you are lies."

Mara laughed mirthlessly. "Most people don't care. They just want someone to blame. My guilt or innocence has had no bearing on that so far."

She sat next to Duke again, wondering if she could hold his hand. She cautiously stroked a finger along his hand and his fingers closed around hers. The feeling of relief was so strong that she thought her ribs might break open, and she squeezed his hand, smiling.

Audrey broke the thoughtful silence.

"We should be going. We'll be here early so we can be at her office by 9:30. We should give you guys some privacy, it's time for dinner anyway."

Dinner? Had it gotten that late? But...

"Wait, wait- what do you mean _we_. No _we_. You can't go near her until everyone knows what she is. You have no idea what she's capable of."

"Relax. I won't be driving with you. Duke and I will stay in another car outside. We're going to put a wire on you, Mara. Record everything so all of Haven knows by noon." Audrey grinned, and Mara couldn't argue- it was a pretty good plan. Charlotte wouldn't expect her to be working with Audrey and Nathan.

"Fine, I'll do what you want, but only as long as you're both safe. That's paramount. Please promise me." Mara stared seriously.

Duke eyed Mara carefully, nodding slowly. "I give you my oath." He had been appraising her, finding the exact thing to say to her to allay her fear.

"I give you my oath." Audrey repeated.

Nathan nodded. "Don't worry. I'll make sure they're safe."

Mara believed him completely, but she wondered if his statement had a double meaning; That he'd keep them safe from her, too, if she was the danger.

She hoped it did.

* * *

 

Mara's rigid posture relaxed once the door shut and she was alone with Duke again. She felt like she'd been run over by an 18-wheeler. The Aether-shock was still strong, and it had been exhausting even sitting and talking to them.

Not to mention the fight and the 'psychic talking twin' display.

Eh, could have been worse.

She shrugged and Duke's hands went to her shoulders, nimble fingers massaging her tight muscles.

"Are you hurting?" he asked as he steered her toward the couch, still rubbing her neck.

"If I say no are you going to keep rubbing?"

Duke laughed loudly. "Awesome. I'm so glad the devious part of you wasn't part of the act too. Clever enough to get what you need without lying." They sat sideways, his leg against the back of the couch as she sat against his leg, close enough to feel his chest touch her back when he inhaled.

Mara smiled, turning her face to kiss his hand as she shrugged. "A girl's gotta make a living."

He leaned over to whisper in her ear, his hands sliding a bit further down her chest as he rubbed.

"You hungry?"

"Not for food."

He hummed in her ear, making her shiver noticeably. "Well, What are you hungry for?"

"You just want to make me say it."

"Maybe. Maybe I want you to say it a hundred times." His low, rumbling voice made her heart race.

"Why?" Mara breathed.

"Because I love the way it feels." His mouth moved closer, just a centimeter from her ear.

Oh. _That_ she could understand. "I want you."

"Say it again." he growled, taking her earlobe in his mouth and biting gently. His facial hair gave her goosebumps.

She gasped. "I want you."

Duke's hands came around her, cupping her breasts as he kissed her neck. She didn't need prompting now.

"I need you, Duke."

His hands moved, pulling his shirt from her, tugging her tank top up and over her head so he could press his hands to the skin of her ribs, fingers brushing against her breasts as he kissed the top of her spine.

"Please, Duke." Mara wasn't sure exactly what she was asking him for, but she felt a desire so overwhelming it was almost painful. She turned, kneeling on the couch to face him. She pulled his shirt off and wrapped her arms around his neck, her breasts pressing against his warm skin. She kissed him, nipping his lip. His answering moan resounded in every cell in her body and she pressed even closer, holding him tightly.

His hands slid up her back, into her hair, tilting her head to deepen the kiss before he stroked back down,slipping under the fabric of her leggings to squeeze her ass. She moaned against his lips as he pushed her leggings and panties down her legs to her knees, and as she stood to pull them the rest of the way off, he unbuttoned his fly, standing to pull his pants off.

He sat back down on the couch again and Mara stood staring at him, enraptured.

He was the single most beautiful thing she had ever seen; perfect and comfortable with his body and hard for _her_. It was a dizzying thought.

Mara stepped forward, kneeling with her legs on either side of his thighs, pressing herself closer to him. His hands slid down over her and between her legs, stroking curious fingers over her and inside her. He pressed two fingers of his left hand into her and rubbed her with his right hand.

Oh gods, it felt too good, she was already so close, but she still _needed_.

"I love you, Duke.' Mara whispered against his lips.

In half a second his fingers were pulled out of her and he pushed her down onto himself, still rubbing her with his other hand.

It was too much, a rush of sensation; he filled every crevice of her and she clenched around him, crying out as his clever fingers pushed her over the edge. She could feel herself pulsing around him, unable to control her body as she came around him, rocking hard against him.

She pressed down harder, pushing him deeper into her as she moved, grinding.

As she had that morning, she let his body lead her. She knew how to move by watching his face and listening to him. When she rose and pushed down, his head dropped back, giving her perfect access to suck and lick at his pulse. When Mara pushed down hard and rolled her hips, her thrust up into her. When she tightened her muscles and pulled up, digging her fingers into his shoulder, he groaned, his jaw clenched.

When she understood what he liked, she moved faster, her own body responding to him. She was moaning, and his arm went around her waist as he moved one hand between them again, stroking slowly when he found that tight ball of nerve endings. He kissed her as she cried out, taking the sounds into his own mouth as he jerked up into her. A low wail broke from her, and he thrust up and rubbed as she came again, tight around him.

Suddenly, though she hadn't felt the movement, he was on top of her, pulling one of her legs higher, adjusting his angle as he drove into her, panting and gasping her name. She pulled at him, scratching, digging her nails into his skin. She wasn't coming down, only being driven higher, and she cried his name, her voice screaming that she loved and wanted him; no lights and no cuts, just someone shouting her love for him, and his body went taut, jaw clenched as he pressed his cheek to hers, warmth spreading through her.

It was perhaps the most honest moment of her life. Until she said, without thinking, "I trust you."

Again, there was no light and no blood, and this time _he_ sobbed into _her_ mouth. She'd given him something nobody else had; absolute love and acceptance.


	9. Lay Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bridge Over Troubled Water by Paul Simon.

They'd stayed locked away from the outside world for the rest of the evening. Mara had originally planned to start processing the Aether, but she didn't want to be off her game if she had to see her mother in the morning.

She cooked for them, insisting that Duke did enough. She was perfectly capable of making them one meal.

"What, do you think we didn't have fire last time I was loose? I'm perfectly able to cook. In fact, you should know that. When I was here as Lucy, I used to cook for you all the time. Did they steal those memories, or did you get to keep them?"

He sat at the counter, trying to remember. "It's funny, There are blank spots, but I remember new things about that time every so often. It's disturbing, knowing that I don't remember because of the Barn or whatever happened."

Mara chuckled. "Welcome to my world."

"Tell me about you cooking for me."

She shrugged, stirring a pan of finely diced vegetables. "I babysat for you for awhile when I first came to town, before Simon got turned against me. Your dad wasn't always a monster. We were friends. I liked him a lot. I think he liked me, and that's when someone decided to stick their noses in and warn him about me. They terrified him, made him the zealot that you remember.

"Of course, by that time, you and I had gotten pretty attached. And with Simon out so much, you'd turn up at my place. We'd do your homework and I'd make you dinner and a lunch for the next day. You went through a few bad weeks where you were getting bullied, and you didn't want to go to school. I drove to Bangor and bought you a leather jacket."

His eyes lit up with recognition. "The leather jacket! I remember, kids had been picking on me for being poor, because I never had new clothes. They stopped when I showed up in that. Why don't I remember you giving it to me?"

She shrugged. "Their way of reminding me how little I matter. That even if the face remains the same, people like Vince and Dave who remember and might care- that they're always going to be the exception, never the rule."

She rolled her neck, stretching her shoulders again before she stirred another pot. "But we had lots of dinners, before  _and_  after Simon pushed me away. Quite a few with you and Nathan both. You'd show up towing him along behind you- he was so shy then- and I'd open my door and you'd head straight to the kitchen , already telling me about your day. You always just assumed I was following behind you, and I always was."

Duke was staring at her, fascinated. "What did you feed me?"

"You were at a funny age, you didn't want vegetables. But you were constantly growing, and you got such terrible growing pains in your legs. So I started hiding veggies in everything I made. My spaghetti and meatballs, for instance, had cups and cups of veggies in it. I learned to make meatballs with diced vegetables because I could pass them off as herbs."

"But- I use diced veggies in my meatballs."

Mara shrugged, smiling a little. "At least you got to take some of it with you. That makes me happy. Do you remember the peanut butter snowmen? We mixed peanut butter with dried milk and powdered sugar to make a dough, and we rolled the balls of dough in powdered sugar. Used toothpicks to build the snowmen. They had pretzel stick brooms. They were your class treat for Christmas that year. You were so worried you'd have nothing to bring because you didn't know how to make cookies."

He was blinking madly, and still rubbed one eye. "I remember the snowmen. They were so damn cool. Did-" Duke closed his eyes, tilting his head. "Did we mix with our hands? I remember Christmas music, and the best cocoa ever, and you rolling our sleeves up because mixing by hand-"

"Makes the texture better." Mara nodded. "I made you wear my apron, and you said you were going to be a chef one day. I always put cinnamon in the cocoa. The pendant I gave you, we need to see if Audrey will loan it to you. I'll show you what it was for."

"Wait, it does something?"

She splashed some vodka into the pan of vegetables, stirring before she tipped the pan to catch the fire, burning the alcohol off. "It's a key to something. I hid things too, Duke. Text her, ask her to bring the pendant tomorrow. I'll show you. Though, I guess since I'm here and have Aether that the key isn't necessary. If you want to see, I'll open it for you."

She turned the stove down, wiping her hands before she reached for Duke's hand. "Simon had been planning to leave you this boat since you were a toddler, from what I understand. Wanted you to appreciate how sometimes old is still sturdier and more trustworthy than shiny and new. He really did start out with good intentions, Duke." She led him to the bedroom, dropping to her knees next to the bed, halfway to the door. she pressed her fingers to a slight irregularity, a dent or warp in the wall. She let Aether flow out, filling the divots as she pressed. There was a muted ' _click_ " and a small opening, about 10 by 18 opened in the wall. She reached in, removing an old envelope, a box and a journal. It was leather-bound and beautiful.  
"The pendant works as a key, so if you want to continue using this without me, you need to get it back from Audrey."

She stood, leaving the hidden door open so Duke could inspect it when he was ready. She brought the mysterious parcels with her back to the kitchen, setting them on the counter in front of Duke as she turned the heat back up on her pans. She checked something in the oven, adjusting the temperature. "Go ahead, Duke. I left it for you. Open it."

She tried not to be obvious as she watched him, but she was anxious. She finally gave up, coming to stand next to him as she took the envelope. "There's a letter in here too, you can read it whenever you want. But there were some pictures. Here." Mara handed the pictures over.

He'd never seen any of them, but he knew they were real. He recognized most of the locations and half the people in them.

Simon and Lucy, standing together with Duke in front of them. Each adult had a hand on one of his shoulders. They were smiling and happy- it looked like a family picture.

Lots of pictures, actually. Duke and Nathan working on homework, sitting together at a table with Lucy bent over them. Lucy wearing a baseball cap, throwing a ball with Duke. Her sitting on the couch where Duke was laid out, reading to him as she stroked his hair where his head rested in her lap. He must have been sick, because he had a blanket over him and a tissue in his hand, but he looked utterly at peace. Simon running around with Duke on his back, rolling on the floor with his son as he let Duke pin him to the ground. Even a few of Simon and Lucy laughing together.

There was one picture of Lucy and Duke playing in the snow, an oddly-shaped snowman behind them as she tried to bury Duke in the snow. He recognized the sled in the background.

"How many memories did they take?" Duke was astounded and uncomfortable; the thought of his mind being invaded and sacked like it had was beyond disturbing.

"Any that involved me. I'm sorry for that. If I hadn't spent so much time with you, you wouldn't have lost so much. You have to understand that I didn't know when I got involved. I didn't know I'd have to leave. I wanted to help you, not hurt you more."

"No, no. Please. Damn, I really wish I remembered everything. But I didn't have much happiness when I was a kid. I've never seen this many pictures of me happy from back then. I'm disappointed that I don't remember, but I'm really grateful I  _had_  some good experiences."

"Most people, I wouldn't even ask, but I know how you are about certain things. Do you still have your very first atlas? It had a blue binding, hardcover."

"Of course I do! Wait here, I'll go get it."

Mara poured the sauce over the cooking food in the oven, set everything to finish baking, and washed the pan. She was drying her hands when Duke came back, holding the book she remembered.

"I just knew you'd still have it. You used to pore over this thing, making plans. I remember the first time I told you about Machu Pichu."

"That was you? I'd wanted to go for so long, I finally went when I was 20. It was amazing."

"It was me who first told you about it, but I'm sure you'd have fallen in love with it somewhere even if I wasn't around. Here."

She'd flipped to the beginning of the entry on Machu Pichu. In her flowing handwriting, along one margin, was written, ' _They say that you can almost touch the stars from the summit, and that you can hear the songs of the dead in the wind. Touch the stars, Duke. Never give up. Quitting is the only failure. L.R._ ' She handed the book to Duke silently.

He ran his fingers over the words repeatedly, feeling the indentation from the pen. This small bit of evidence that she'd been here before, here on this boat, even, and that she'd taken an interest in his life. "What's everything else?"

Mara took the box and opened it. There were all sorts of assorted treasures. "This bean? If you pull out this tiny plug here- open your hand." She took his hand and upended the red bean over it, tiny shapes falling into his palm. "There are 12 tiny elephants inside." She painstakingly replaced each elephant and recapped the bean, handing it to him.

She picked up a small anchor pendant. There was a tiny circle on it. "Hold it up to your eye and look at a light, Duke. It'll show you-"

"Holy shit, the lighthouse!  _Our_  lighthouse!"

"They only sold these for one season. I thought they were amazing. But these here, they're Guatemalan Trouble Dolls. They're supposed to protect you from trouble or worries as you sleep. This is a crystal skull- have you gotten a chance to ever see one of the legendary ones? The large ones they don't understand still?"

"I haven't, but I always wanted to. I wondered if they really felt powerful or if it was just people's imagination."

"Well, this isn't ancient or alien, but it's real crystal."

She had many more treasures, but she handed Duke a folded paper next. "Here. I left this for you, too. I figured you'd find it if you really needed it."

It was a savings bond, worth $10,000 dollars when she'd purchased it. He stared at her like she had lost her mind. "What... why did you leave me money? And why are you giving it to me now?"

"I left you money because you can't take it with you. I had it, I knew I couldn't stay, and I thought it might be able to help you one day. I couldn't exactly give it to you sooner. First I couldn't even talk to you, and after that we were getting along so badly, I didn't want you associating that gift with negative thoughts about me, or for you to think I was trying to guilt you into freeing me. I wanted you to receive it in the spirit it was intended. To help you and to make you happy."

"I can't take your money. I don't want your money."

"Consider it room and board. It costs money to feed and house me. Either way, Duke, it's not as though I can go get a bank account. I don't exist on paper, Duke. So either you handle the money or it stays worthless. That seems wasteful to me. Think of the starving Pygmies."

He gave her a  _look_ , but he didn't have a snappy comeback on hand so he moved on. "What about the journal?"

Mara fidgeted. "Please don't tease me. I liked to draw. I had chronic insomnia. Simon bought the book for me, and I chose to journal this way." She gestured at the book as he opened up the first page. Just her name and a year.

The next page was a simple pencil sketch of Duke, sitting on the floor reading a book. Even with regular pencil, the level of detail was impressive.

As the pages continued, she must have gotten better drawing materials. Charcoal and fine art pens filled most of the pages, with a few holding a paragraph or two. There were pictures of Simon, of Duke, of Nathan. Vince and Dave, Garland- all the faces of his past rendered in a loving hand. There were a few pictures of James toward the back of the journal, and a dozen pages before the end a page with messy, shaky handwriting.

_'The Hunter is a meteor storm, and Dave says that when it comes, my time is up, and I'm leaving. That I have no choice._

_I don't know why. I don't understand any of this. What did I do that was so terrible I deserved a punishment like this? I just want to help. I want to stay. I'm afraid for everyone. Simon has changed so much, and if I go, who will take care of Duke? I even asked Dave if I could bring Duke with me. I can't. I'll leave him what I can, and if there really is a god out there, maybe he'll get what I leave._

_I hope the memories are enough, that they'll keep him warm when the world seems too big. That he'll remember that he was loved more than anything in the world. I hope Simon goes back to normal when I'm gone. That Duke and Nathan hold onto each other and remember what I told them._

_I don't know if I should be grateful for the time I've had or if I'm right to be angry. Will any of the lives I touched actually be better from my interference, or will I be forgotten, or even worse, a bad memory?'_

The last page with any markings had a rough sketch of the Maze and a shadowed silhouette of the lighthouse with the town spreading out around it.

Mara reached out slowly, closing the journal. "That's mostly for the drawings. I wasn't good at having a diary. Not my thing. My parents would have been so disappointed in me. Scientists love to record everything. I was more interested in making memories than recording them. Maybe that's why they stole the memories of me. To teach me a lesson. You can look at the rest any time you want to. No rush."

He reached for the letter and she walked back to the stove, blushing as she made sure everything was cooking properly and cleaned the kitchen again. She remembered what it said as though she'd written it 3 minutes ago, not almost 30 years.

_'Duke-_

_They tell me I can't stay here forever. You know how I feel about people telling me what to do, but I don't know if this is a fight I can win this time. If I have to go, if I can't find a way to stay, there are some things you need to know. Keep them with you forever, and never let go of them._

_You asked me once why I bothered spending my time with you. Why I'd bother hanging out with a 'dumb kid'. I spent my time with you because it makes me happy. You're not a 'dumb kid'. You're a brilliant young man who's going to grow into an amazing adult, and I'm so, so proud that I got to be a part of that._

_I won't lie and tell you that life will always be pretty and easy. Life is messy. People get hurt, people disappoint us. It's human nature, Duke, and there's no way to avoid it. All you can do, and I hope you do, is to never let cruelty from someone else turn your heart. It's fine to be upset, it's fine to get mad. But you're better than them, and what makes you great is your heart. Guard yourself, take care of yourself, but never shut yourself off from the world completely. You have so much to share with the world, and you need to let the world share with you, too._

_Please at least trust me and try to remember that Simon wasn't always like this. Grief and fear changed him. But he loves you, he always has. He's just forgotten how love works. I'm going to make you safe before I have to go. As safe as I can._

_When seas get choppy, remember the people you're safe with. Nathan, Officer Wuornos, Gloria and Dave. Those are the people I know love you for the right reasons, Duke, and they always will._

_Wherever I go from here, know that I'll still be loving you every day I live. If I ever can, I will come back for you, and I will never let anything hurt you if I have the ability to protect you. And if I die, I'll be a star up in the sky, loving you from there._

_It's okay to cry. It doesn't make you weak or shamed. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is cry, and it's the best thing for you, too. Don't ever let anyone tell you that men can't cry. You're not just some nameless man. You're Duke Crocker, and you should never be afraid to show your emotions._

_I love you forever, and you will always be a piece of me._

_Lucy-_

When she chanced a glance at Duke, there were tears running down his face and she threw down the sponge, coming around to wrap her arms around him. "Please, don't cry. I'm sorry. I didn't show you to hurt you, Duke."

"No. No, don't be sorry. I just- I wish I'd had this a few times in my life. It could have saved me a lot of pain. They had no right to take the memories, Mara. Those were  _mine_. They had no  _right_."

"I know, Duke. I'm so sorry. I didn't know they'd take the memories about Lucy. People remembered me before that, it just wasn't something that I considered. It wasn't even a possibility to me. If I'd have known, I wouldn't have left these. What would be the point of mementos of things and a person you didn't even remember? I'd have just put the money in your atlas and left it at that."

His arms wrapped tightly around her, pressing his face against her chest. "I'm glad you left it. All of it. Even if I didn't know you now, just the knowledge that someone in the world loved me this much... it would have helped me a lot. It does help me, even now. Did you mean all of that?"

"Of course. Why would I have ever bothered to lie about any of that?"

"Because nobody else in my life ever loved me. Not like that. And I wonder if part of me did remember, and I've been comparing all the women I meet to you, so I was never happy with any of them. Maybe part of me remembered what it felt like to be really loved, and that's why none of my relationships lasted."

She squeezed him and kissed his head. "I'd tell you I'm sorry that they didn't work out, but I'm not. I'm glad you weren't already with someone when I came along. It was hard enough dealing with my jealousy over Audrey. And I kind of  _like_  her. You wouldn't have wanted to see me around any of your other women."

"You were jealous of Audrey?"

"I didn't necessarily mean to say that out loud. Yes, I get jealous over a lot of things, but mostly you. I can deal with being jealous of someone's freedom or family, but when I think about you with other women, it... it makes me angry. It makes my stomach hurt. I know it's stupid. I can't compare- I'm not even  _human_. But it's how I feel." She shrugged, rubbing her face in his hair so he wouldn't look at her.

"Do you think that's negative, you not being human?"

"Most people look for love inside their own species, Duke."

"We're close enough. Our races just developed on different worlds. I don't think it's negative that you're not human. It doesn't bother me at all. I think it's kind of cool."

His hands had come to rest on her hips as she stood before him, apron around her waist and a dishcloth over one shoulder. She wasn't on guard, and Duke stared at her, studying her.

"You're really beautiful like this."

"Like what? I'm a mess. My face is half purple, my hair is all over the place and I have bits of pepper stuck to my arm."

"Exactly. You look beautiful  _relaxed_. When you're not trying to think three steps ahead, just living in the moment. This is how you should always look."

"Well, if we could just ask these pesky people to stop trying to abduct me, it would happen more often."

"I won't let them take you, Mara."

"You and Audrey are the important part. As long as you two are safe from her, I have a chance. She's not able to do much to me on her own. It's when she's able to overpower me that I get in trouble. It's why she relies on William. Between his superior strength and his ability to use the bond, I can't run or hide or escape. She's trying to get me to bring William back, and I'm not going to do that. She'll try to push me into being 'reasonable', then she'll use guilt, and she'll try to get as many people to side with her as possible. People who will force me to my knees  _for_ her.

"That's why she's leaning on Nathan and sleeping with Dwight. She knows Nathan is desperately in love with Audrey, that he'll do anything if it keeps her safe. She knows that Dwight is super protective of people he loves, so she has him to keep her safe in case I tried to get help. Duke... if Audrey's plan doesn't work, if Momma doesn't say anything blatantly incriminating... Dwight will never believe me over her."

"She'll talk, Mara. She didn't worry about when you called her. She won't have any reason at all to think you're working with any of us, especially Nathan and Audrey."

She took his hand, playing idly with his fingers. "Do you think I'm making a mistake by trusting Nathan like this? What if he decides my life is a danger to Audrey? That Audrey will be safer if I'm locked up? I'm not insulting him, I'm asking honestly. He's a decent person, but if Momma gets the chance to convince him I'm a threat to Audrey- If I hadn't fixed Audrey, he'd have believed that last call, her saying I had to be sacrificed to save Audrey."

"Please don't worry. Nate is the kind of guy who wants to save the world. He wants everyone to be safe and well. Audrey  _is_  safe and well. Now he'll be determined to help you, too. And I'm with you. We'll be right out of her sight, Mara. This is going to work. You'll get her to talk, we'll get it recorded and I'll make sure Dwight hears it all."

"I trust you, Duke. I trust Audrey. I even trust Nathan, I do. But somehow I still always  _lose._ I don't want to think she's smarter than me. But doesn't she have to be? All this time and I'm still behind. Even when people like me, they can't help me. It's like I blink and I'm back in the Barn. So much time with only William and Momma to talk to. Not that they really talked to me much. They'd generally try for a day or two every time they wiped the previous identity, but they didn't bother when I kept refusing."

"How, uh- how often did William hurt you like that?"

"I don't remember."

There was a flash and Mara hissed. "Damn it. I don't remember  _exactly._ 5 times every menstrual cycle. The two days before ovulation, day of ovulation and two days after. A lot. Too much. Enough that I disgust myself. Enough that I think you should be disgusted by me. I don't know why you're not. I wish-" the tears were thick in her throat, and her voice was hoarse, "I wish Audrey wouldn't remember. She'll be able to think of it as nightmares, to distance herself, but every single thing she remembers will make her look at  _me_  differently. I hate the idea of being pitied and judged because of what was done to me, but worse, I hate knowing she'll see how weak I was. How often I cried, how often I almost broke."

She wanted to hide until the emotions had run their course, but things were different with Duke. She was trying to be  _honest_  with him. So she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her face to his throat as she cried.

His arms came up, rubbing her back. "No, it's okay. I'm sorry I brought up bad feelings, Mara."

"It's not you." Mara gasped against him. "The knowledge is always right there, just chewing on my brain. I'm afraid. I'm so close to having what I want, so close to just being  _happy_. It'll hurt a thousand times worse if they take me again. I don't know if I'll even be able to still fight them if they take me again. Is it wrong to want to just be me, and to stay with you? Do I actually have a responsibility to let them study me? Am I causing damage by hindering their progress? Am I being selfish? I don't think I even know right from wrong, Duke!"

"No. Stop, Mara. You  _do_  know right from wrong. That's why you've fought so hard. to keep them from using you to hurt people. It's why you saved Audrey. You keep trying to do the right thing. They're just in your head, and you have to be the one to take that power back from them."

"How?" Mara whispered.

"By not giving up. By trusting me and following your own advice." He tapped the letter from Lucy. "Never let them turn your heart and don't be afraid to show your emotions. You already know what you're doing, beautiful."

She nodded, wiping her eyes. "I need to quit whining before I burn your dinner. If you want to set out some wine or tea, I would appreciate it."

She shook her hands out and rolled her shoulders as she went to the oven, using potholders to remove the baking dish. She carefully arranged the plates and set dinner in front of them, sitting next to Duke.

"Mara, this looks amazing. What is it?"

"Chicken Parmesan and salad. I'm curious to see how you like it."

He took a bite and closed his eyes briefly, chewing. When his eye opened, he looked stunned. "I remember this. The taste of this. I remember listening to the Rolling Stones and eating something like this."

She laughed quietly. "We always played rock music when you were with me. I was hoping it would help you remember. Taste and smell are very locked into memory. Do you still like it?"

His smile was warm and happy, the little laugh lines showing around his eyes. "I love it. It's wonderful, and I'm having a really nice night. "

* * *

They ate in peace, and Duke insisted on helping with the dishes. He was rinsing as she washed, and he looked so serious, the way he only got over food and cooking- she couldn't help herself. Mara casually picked up the sprayer, rinsing the sink before she flicked the water at Duke.

He froze for a moment, like he was trying to figure out where the water had come from and she sprayed him again. He turned to her, looking scandalized. "Did you just-"

"Spray you? Yep. It was pretty easy. Like this." She hit the trigger again, spraying his face and she choked down a giggle.

"Oh, Mara! I forgot to thank you for making dinner!" He pounced, grabbing her mid-spray and holding her tightly against him, soaking her. She wrapped her legs around his waist so she wouldn't fall and sprayed him again, the hose still directly between them. She didn't care that she was getting wet- the chance to play with Duke was rare and special, and she planned on taking full advantage of it.

They wrestled around, fighting for the hose as she clung to him, and Duke got a devious glint in his eye half a second before he acted. He spun a half-step, one hand holding onto Mara as the other shot out, flipping the water to cold.

She squealed and threw her hands up, releasing the trigger as she dropped the spray nozzle. "You win, you win! I give up!" Mara laughed as she shivered, her teeth chattering as she slid to her feet.

"I'm the only person in the world who knows Mara's only weakness. Cold water. All those fights, all those threats, and the one thing we didn't try was plain old water."

"H-hush you. We're not all ocean d-divers. I don't like c-c-cold, that's all." She was wiping her face with the dishtowel, dabbing at her shirt.

"Your core temperature is low, that's no way to get warmed up." Duke took the dishrag from her, tossing it on the counter as he reached out to pull her shirt off. "Body heat is the only way to warm you up."

"Is that so?" Mara asked dryly, but she was smiling and already pulling his shirt off. He had a way of making her feel normal. Human.  _Salvageable._

"It's a fact. Body heat is the best heat." He pulled off her leggings and panties, stepping out of his own pants as she opened his fly. Duke picked Mara up, carrying her toward the bedroom.

He laid her in the bed, crawling up next to her and pulling her close, wrapping his arms around her. A smile played around his lips as he nuzzled her hair. "I've never seen you playful before. I like it. Not many women would have the nerve to spray a man on his own boat."

"I don't usually  _feel_  playful. It's something about you. When we're alone, it's like you said- I don't feel like I have to be thinking 3 steps ahead. I trust you, I know you'd never hurt me and I don't know. It makes strange things suddenly seem fun."

"What strange things sound fun?"

She hummed quietly. "Silly string. Never made any sense to me. Water balloons. Paintball. Card games. I didn't  _play_  growing up. I never had a childhood. Even before Momma got obsessed with Aether, studies came first. Aether was the only thing I ever actually  _played_  with. It would dance for me, or make pictures. Dolls that would actually play back. I always felt like it loved me, like it cared and wanted me to be happy. But all those silly kid games seem fun with you. Is that weird?"

"Not at all." His smile could have lit the room. "That's one of the nicest things I've ever heard. Are you ticklish?"

She shrugged. "I wouldn't know. A few of the personalities were, but not all of them. And nobody's ever touched me that way."

"What, seriously? Nobody has ever tickled you?"

"No. I've only been myself when I was in the Barn, and there I was only touched for specific reasons. I wasn't exaggerating, Duke. You really are the only person I've ever chosen to be with, and you're certainly the only one who's comfortable touching me."

"I hate what you've been through, but I like the idea of being your only. Does that make sense?" His arms were still tight around her, but his fingers stroked her waist and hip.

"I think it does. I- can I ask you something? Obviously you can say no, but I was wondering, do you like your hair short? Because I wish you'd grow it out again. Gods, I always wanted to touch your hair. Audrey always had to have something in her hand or she'd get the worst urge to run her fingers through your hair. She's just starting to realize what feelings belonged to her and which were mine."

"You like my hair long?"

She nodded, stroking the silky strands.

"Are you asking me to grow my hair out?"

"Only if you want to. It's your body, you should be comfortable."

"If I grow my hair for you, that makes you my girlfriend. I hope you realize that."

"It does? I don't- I didn't mean to be presumptuous. I'd never heard that."

"Too late, it's already growing."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're screwing with me again, aren't you? It doesn't mean anything at all, you're just playing 'Let's confuse the non-human'.

"Don't be mad, I was only teasing, Mara."

"Gotcha." She tickled his sides, laughing at the look on his face.

He wiggled and squirmed, trying to talk through her attack. "Why you, you... I thought I'd upset you!"

"Payback's a bitch! You tried to freak me out with the hair thing." She moved to his stomach, looking for the most ticklish spots.

"Oh, that's it." His long, fast fingers were everywhere; her ribs, her stomach, her neck- all trying to find the most ticklish spot on her body.

Mara dodged out of his arms, diving for his feet. He howled with laughter as she tickled his instep and she laughed victoriously. She showed mercy after a few moments, kissing his ankle as she stopped tickling to let him catch his breath. But the way his breath caught and his body jerked when she kissed his ankle had caught her attention, and now she was fascinated.

She pressed her lips to his ankle again and his reaction was the same. Curious, she kissed the top of his foot.

"No, stop, you don't want to do that."

She looked at him, saw the glimmer of moisture in his eyes.

"It's stupid. I'm weird about my feet."

"Can I ask why, or is that personal?"

"You can ask me anything. I just- look, the way I grew up, between churches and everything else, I always thought that feet are really private. You know, in some countries, the act of washing another person's feet is sacred. That and when I was a kid, before he died, my dad learned that the soles of the feet are used as torture points in some places. They don't bruise like the face or the stomach, either."

Mara's eyes went dark, an occasional red or gold spark darting around. "Simon started beating your feet."

"Only when he was on a real bender and he wanted to hurt something so bad that he got worried he'd accidentally kill me."

"Do they still hurt?"

"Sometimes. They ache a lot."

"If I promise not to hurt you or kiss you, will you please let me touch your feet?"

"Okay."

He looked beyond apprehensive. He looked  _terrified_. Mara moved slowly, laying her entire hand on his sole and feeling with the Aether inside her for micro-fractures or pieces that had healed wrong. She was so angry. A tear fell, and when it landed on her hand she didn't absorb it this time- she pushed the active Aether into Duke, making it repair all the old damage to the foot she held. When the second tear fell, she did the same with his other foot, keeping her movements slow and deliberate.

Truly, if she hadn't already killed Simon, Mara would have hunted him down and killed him then. How could he? He had  _loved_  Duke. Would he have been abusive to him if it hadn't been for her?

Yes. Mara frowned. Sometimes the child or the circumstance had nothing to do with it. Some people just wanted to hurt others. Simon had a mean streak that he'd hidden from her for awhile, but she didn't force him to beat Duke. She wasn't at fault any more than Duke was.

And that carried over. She hadn't been responsible for the fact that her mother and William had hurt her. She and Duke were convenient targets for the jealousy and rage of pitiful, cruel people. If Mara didn't blame Duke for the way he'd been abused, it would be hypocritical for her to blame herself for her own abuse. She had to teach Duke so they could learn together. And to teach him this lesson, she had to learn it herself.

She sat up in the bed, naked with his feet in her lap. "You and I, Duke, we have a lot to learn. I can sit here and tell you all night that you didn't deserve this pain. But it would mean nothing. So I'll tell you what you just taught me, and hope like hell you learn the same thing I did." She took a deep breath.

"I'm not at fault for what Charlotte and William did. My being powerful was not an excuse for them to use me and hurt me, to punish me for being different. I should celebrate the things that make me different from them, and not sit around wondering if they're the reason they hurt me. They hurt me because of their own deficiencies, not mine.  _It wasn't my fault_. If I continue to question myself and force myself to live like an outcast, they win. I don't want them to win.

"So, Duke, you can choose who you trust here. Simon; the man who hurt you and used you and tried to make you into something else, or me. I'm not perfect, but I love you and I value you and I don't want you to change. I love you the way you are. Even when I tried not to, I did."

She stared at him, holding her arms out to prove she wasn't lying, as if the light weren't enough. "We are not to blame for what cruel people did to us."

He sat up, reaching for her as he cried and she climbed up, wrapping herself around him, trying to make him feel safe and loved.

"I trust you, of course I trust you. I just-"

"I know, it's hard. For me too. But I  _know_ , Duke. And you taught me this. I didn't think I would ever believe. But I trust that you would tell me if I was at fault. So when you tell me I'm not, and that there's hope for me? I believe you. As long as I'm with you, I'm okay. You're safe with me. I swear to you that I never want to hurt you or disappoint you."

She lay flat, pulling him to put his head on her chest, cuddling him close. His shoulders shook and he sniffled for a few minutes. She just stroked his back and held him. She didn't care if she had to hold him every second for the rest of her life, she was determined to give him twice as much love as he'd ever had of pain.

The certainty was both liberating and frightening. She wasn't afraid for herself- if she was protecting Duke, she didn't think anything could be stronger than her when she was on  _this_  mission. But dedicating herself to someone else; that was a big step, a leap, and she could fall. She could get hurt.

But he was worth the risk.

Very quietly, Mara opened her mouth and sang.

_"When you're weary, feeling small,_

_When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;_

_I'm on your side. When times get rough_

_And friends just can't be found,_

_Like a bridge over troubled water_

_I will lay me down._

_Like a bridge over troubled water_

_I will lay me down._

_When you're down and out,_

_When you're on the street,_

_When evening falls so hard_

_I will comfort you._

_I'll take your part._

_When darkness comes_

_And pain is all around,_

_Like a bridge over troubled water_

_I will lay me down._

_Like a bridge over troubled water_

_I will lay me down._

_Sail on silvereyes,_

_Sail on by._

_Your time has come to shine._

_All your dreams are on their way._

_See how they shine._

_If you need a friend_

_I'm sailing right behind._

_Like a bridge over troubled water_

_I will ease your mind._

_Like a bridge over troubled water_

_I will ease your mind."_

When she fell silent, Duke wasn't crying. He was sleeping peacefully, still wrapped in her arms, and for the first time on her own, Mara really, truly felt peace. Her presence, her actions had dried the tears of the man she loved.

There really was something salvageable about her.


	10. Trust Exercises

Mara slept without nightmares and when she woke her face ached, not just where she was hurt, but everywhere- like she'd been smiling all night.

She glanced down and went back to smiling.

Duke was wrapped around her, his leg over one of hers and her arms were still around him. They hadn't moved all night. They'd slept holding each other.

She pressed her face against his hair, breathing him in. the smell of  _home_  clung to his skin, and he was so much warmer than her that she could feel every inch of his skin that was touching her.

Especially the very hot part that was pressed against her thigh.

Mara inched down in Duke's arms just a few inches so she could plant feather-soft kisses all over his face. That was the way Duke should always wake up. To kisses and loving arms. Never to harsh words or rough touches. She had years to make up for.

She kissed from his hairline to his chin, from his ear all the way to where his face rested against her chest, and he never moved. That's how she knew for sure he was faking sleep. He was used to being on guard. He'd probably woken at the very first kiss. But since he was still playing, he must be enjoying himself, so Mara continued to rain kisses on his face. She began to whisper.

"You're so handsome when you sleep. The way your eyelashes rest on your cheeks is one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. I love these times when you're asleep and I can tell you all the things I'm too scared to say when you're awake. How I've loved you from the moment I saw you through her eyes. That I've loved your soul even longer than that. That I dream about you all the time. Sometimes just really boring things, sometimes you're flying spaceships. But I always dream about you.

"I want to learn so much because of you. How to be a good person. How to trust other people. So far I only trust you, but I think I'm getting better. I want to be someone you'd be proud to be seen with. I know I can't exist for the rest of the world, that I'll always have to stay hidden, but I want to be the kind of person you'd be  _willing_  to be seen out with. No matter what, though- even if I never, ever leave this boat, I will love you every single day more than most people love in their entire lives. For as long as you want me, I'm yours. And when you don't want me anymore, I'll still love you, and I'll still look out for you, I'll just stay out of your way."

"What will you do when you realize that I'll always want you, that there's no easy out?" His eyes were still closed, but his voice, though rough, showed he'd been awake for some time.

"I'll be the happiest woman in the universe. Maybe dance like an idiot. I don't know." She shrugged.

Duke shifted and his lips touched her throat. She couldn't help the tiny whine that came from her. It just felt so  _good_ , his silky lips against her sensitive skin, and she'd realized that her throat was one of her erogenous zones. From the swiping tongue that followed his lips, apparently Duke had noticed, too.

He continued to lick and kiss her throat until her tiny whine grew louder and more demanding, her breath coming in rapid gasps. When his hand touched her breast, her nipple was already tight and puckered and she arched her back, pressing into his hand.

She shifted onto her side so she could touch Duke. She ran her fingertips up his arm and then down his ribs, stroking his warm, bare skin. She pulled her top leg up, wrapping it around him so that she could pull him closer.

He covered her mouth with his own, kissing deeply as he continued to knead and squeeze her breast. She pushed her hand down between them, wrapping her fingers around him. She loved the feel of him; the silky texture that seemed too soft to be human skin, the contrast with the iron stiffness of his length. Duke was a study in contrast. Strong but gentle, the most selfless soul playing the brigand. He was the black sheep; the crook, the untrustworthy one, yet everything he did was to help the people around him.

And she wanted all of him.

She continued to stroke him, sucking his tongue into her mouth. When he rolled her nipple between his fingers she moaned into his mouth, encouraging him. She shifted to free the arm she was laying on so she could continue to pump him as she wrapped an arm around his back, pressing him closer.

He rolled them just a bit, and pulled Mara's leg up, holding her calf to his shoulder as he entered her. The room went white and her breath stuttered. Such a tiny difference, a slight change in position, yet everything felt foreign. He felt bigger, pressing against every centimeter of her. Every time he thrust, his body rubbed against hers, and she cried out, squeezing his arms.

It could have been hours or days that he loved her- she couldn't remember how to breathe, and she was wound tighter than piano wire. Everything felt different, and she felt tightening in her stomach. What began as a quiet moan turned into a keening wail as Duke altered his rhythm, pressing a kiss to her leg as he drove into her, her muscles pulsing and spasming as she came around him. She arched her back as her body splintered out of control.

When she could breathe again, she pulled her other leg up, putting it over Duke's other shoulder. She saw his eyes roll back and there was strain in his shoulders as he braced himself on his fingertips, his other arm stroking her thighs. He moved to rest on his knees, freeing both his hands to touch her everywhere. Her breasts, chest, throat- she tensed and squeezed around him as his fingers stroked her pulse point and her hips tilted, driving him further.

His fingers stroked down her belly and he gripped her hips, staring into her eyes. "Tell me if I hurt you."

She could only nod, and then he was really moving; fast and hard, his body and soul pushing him to take her- to claim her with his heart  _and_  his body; to make her his completely. She was gasping, unable to catch her breath as he pushed harder and faster, driving her to new heights. Mara dug her nails into his arms, wailing wordlessly.

Eventually, she was able to string a few words together, the words he needed to hear.

"I love you, Duke. I need you, please..."

His head fell back as his hips shot forward and he was shaking and sweating, murmuring her name as he spread through her. Her muscles were still pulsing and squeezing around him and he moved his arms so she could wrap her legs back around his hips, hugging him to her with her whole body. They stayed locked together for several minutes, until she could feel him begin to soften inside her. He pulled out and gathered her close to him.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, Duke. Not at all. I- I loved that. I love being with you like that."

Duke smiled slightly. "Making love?"

She blushed. "It's not something I've ever said. Never. The phrase never even made sense to me before this week. I always figured you're either making a mess or making a baby, but there was no way for people to 'make love'."

"Hmm. Do you still feel that way?"

"No. When you touch me, I feel like we  _are_  making something. Something bigger than us. Maybe it's you making me a decent person. But it's something big that I've never felt before. And that just sounded really, really dirty, didn't it?"

He chuckled. "Little bit. I liked it."

"Can I ask you something? It's probably stupid, but I need to know."

"You can ask me anything, anytime."

"Am I... good? I know I should know more, but I tried to keep pulled back from the personalities sexual exploits. I know some things, but only like I would if I read them in a book. I want you to be satisfied." Gods, it was silly- she was an adult, but her cheeks were red and her face felt like it was on fire.

"I- wow. That's not at all what I was expecting you to say. Mara, you're better than  _good_. Not that I'd slap a label on you anyway. But making love with you is beyond satisfying. It's like- like going to church. I feel like you're feeding my soul. Or healing it. Not really sure there's a difference. But it's more than just sex with you. So, so much more."

She smiled, cuddling in closer. "I love you. I want to stay right here on this boat, be a safe place for you to come home to. I wish I  _could_  get all the papers that make people 'real' on this world, but I can't. Not that I'd need them for much. Driving, maybe. I can't get a job, obviously, but I have other money stashed around town." She was babbling and she knew it. She'd slipped up and said a private thought out loud. But even in a fantasy, Mara knew that even thinking about marriage or children was an impossibility- she just hadn't quite squashed the part of her that wished to be a wife, especially now that she'd found someone she wanted to marry.

Gods she was greedy. She needed to be completely happy being a beloved secret. It was enough that Duke had talked to her, listened to her, believed her and unchained her. It was beyond expectations that he could love her and want to be  _with_  her romantically. That was brilliant and wonderful, a dream come true. Now she had to remind herself that wishing for things like marriage and public outings was unfair and impossible.

"What? You got all tense again. What are you thinking?"

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"I won't force you, because I don't want you to lie and get hurt. But I really wish you'd tell me. Please?"

Damn it. It was impossible to resist when he asked that way. It was fine. He already knew she was clingy, and she didn't have to say  _everything_  she was thinking.

"I was thinking that I was a little sad that I can't exist on paper. There's things I can never do because of that, and it seems so silly that being alive and here isn't enough. I can't exist without government papers. I can't drive or own things or get- get anything that people with papers get. I told you it was silly. I have enough money to pay for my upkeep. I don't need anything else."

Duke was quiet, thinking over her words to find the hidden meaning she'd actually been reacting to. She wasn't lying, but she was smart enough to word things without making them a direct lie. It hit him, she could  _feel_  when he he understood what she'd been thinking, and he cautiously asked, "So, are driving and getting a job things you'd want, Mara?"

"I'm not the kind of girl people would hire, Duke. I know what I am. It's just hard to remember sometimes. I'm happy being here, even if I'm a secret. Being able to see you and be near you when you're home."

"You're not a secret, Mara. You're my girlfriend, and I'm proud of that."

She chuckled despite herself. "So your hair is still growing, then?"

"Yup. If you're really quiet, you can hear it growing."

"Well that sounds fascinating, but we need to get dressed. Audrey and Nathan are coming, we've got to be to that office by 9:30. I have to get Dwight to see through her."

"You will, Mara. You have your brain and you have us. Just have faith now."

She stared at him. "I have faith in you. I can fake the rest."

He took her face into his hands, meeting her eyes. "And I am telling you that we can do this. I  _know_  this will work."

"Okay then. Let's get dressed and wreck my mother's plans."

"That's my girl."

Audrey and Nathan showed up at 8:45. Mara's face had bruised pretty badly, and Nathan looked miserable. Something about it- maybe leftover emotion from her talk with Duke- hit her, and she wanted to make it better. So she stepped forward to give Nathan a hug.

"Thank you for your help, Nathan." She let him go and he smiled hesitantly at her. She smiled back.

She saw Duke and Audrey exchange a grin.

"So, the wire? Are we still doing this?"

Audrey held up a pin, affixing it to Mara's shirt. "This records audio and video. I'll be recording from the next office down. Gloria is going to help us get set up without Charlotte finding out. I've got the recording under control, Nathan and Duke will make sure Dwight is there to hear everything. You trust us?"

She took a deep breath. "Yes. I don't trust myself. My ability to get her to say the right things."

"You should. I know you can do this. But we'll just have to have a round of 'I told you so' after."

"Nathan is bringing me in, right? He's pretending to hand me over so she'll fix you, right Audrey?"

"Exactly. She won't know that Duke and I are there. He'll bring you in, act surly and worried, and leave you to talk to Charlotte alone. "

"Okay." Mara moved to hug Duke. Her hair was up, she was wearing a long sleeved black shirt and tight jeans. She had her arms covered in case she had to lie to Nathan in front of Charlotte. She whispered in his ear as they embraced.

"I trust you. If you say I can do this, I can do this. I know you guys know what you're doing."

* * *

 

Mara was very still as Nathan drove. She didn't fidget, she barely appeared to be breathing. Nathan finally said, "We're not going to let her hurt you. We won't just abandon you."

She glanced over. "I trust you. I'm not afraid about you. If I mess this up, there will be no one to blame but myself. Dwight- he's going to care, right? He's not the kind of person who'll just think I'm not worth the trouble and give me to Charlotte to get her to leave, right? because she won't leave. If she gets me and somehow manages to force me to bring William back, she's going to keep hurting the town the way she was before."

"Dwight will care. He won't let you suffer even if he thought it  _would_  get rid of Charlotte. He's not stupid, though. Once he knows she was behind the Troubles, he'll know she won't just stop."

"You need to be rough with me in front of her. I get that you won't want to, but I'm asking you this time. She has to believe you hate me. Don't try to be nice to me, I will understand. It's about giving Charlotte a good show. Okay?"

"Mara, I-"

"No, Nathan. I'm not saying you have to hit me or anything, Just make it look good. Give me your handcuffs, please."

He passed them over, watching the road.

Mara snapped the cuffs around her wrists in front of her, leaving them just loose enough for her to slip them easily. She eyed the little pin. "Is this thing even on? Can anyone hear me?"

Duke honked at them.

Smiling, she asked, "Is your hair still growing, Duke?"

He honked again, and she took a deep breath, relaxing a little. "Nathan, I have something I want to give you when this is done. A couple pictures you should see, too. I'll show you when we get back to the  _Rouge_."

They parked, letting Duke and Audrey go in a few minutes ahead of them. Then Nathan came around Mara's side, keeping a hand on her arm as they walked. She held a sweater over the handcuffs to avoid suspicion. She felt ill and was pale and sweating by the time they reached Charlotte's office. Nathan gave her a searching look, and she nodded. He knocked on the door, waiting for the answering voice before he pushed it open.

"Here, you wanted her, you got her. Can you help Audrey now?"

Mara shook off his hand. "Let go of me! I came here of my own free will. Don't you have to go be with Blondie?"

Nathan glared. "I can't do this anymore. She's all yours." He turned and stomped out the door, and then Mara was alone with her mother.

"What do you want. Momma?"

"Audrey is sick, she's dying. She needs to go back into you."

"I thought you said you wanted to  _fix_  her, not destroy her. Putting her back in me won't fix her. She'd just be assimilated like all the other personalities."

"Her essence would live on. And you can't just lose that part of yourself, we don't know what it would do to you."

"You're not worried about Audrey at all. You're afraid if she dies it will affect my gifts."

"I told you, Dove. You need to bring William back. I can't get him myself, you know that."

"So I fetch William, and you lock me back in the Barn?"

"I did that for your own good, Mara! You're too powerful, if you'd been left loose, you'd have undone all the work William and I put into this place. You're too young, people will use that to influence you. They'll use you for your power. You know they can't love you, Dove. All of this could have been avoided. If you had just agreed to work with us from the beginning-"

"To hurt people? Why? It doesn't even make sense! Why did you even create the Troubles?"

"For Science. They age and die so much quicker, we can track how the Troubles change over time. We could learn to eradicate disease, strengthen bloodlines, the list is endless!"

"But only for our people. What about the people on this world, Momma? Why don't their lives matter?"

"They have minuscule lifespans anyway, Mara."

"What about me, then? I don't have a minuscule lifespan. I'm of pure blood- I'm your  _daughter_. But you've had me locked up, making people forget me, making them hate me, telling them that I started your experiments. You let William hurt me over and over. Why is  _my_  life worth so little?"

"I'm trying to help you! If you would just obey, if you would share your gifts we would be so much farther ahead! If you would just give William more children, we could learn so much!"

Mara froze, staring at her mother. "What do you mean,  _more children_? I've never had a child with William."

Charlotte realized what she'd said immediately. "It's hardly worth mentioning. There was one time, when I picked you up after your time as Lucy. You weren't yourself. You were more depressed and difficult than usual. Whatever the difference was, you conceived. I had to end the pregnancy at 4 months. I used a mind-wipe. It's why people forgot so much about her. But none of that is important, Dove. I understand so much more now."

"Why did you have to 'end the pregnancy'? At 4 months? We're viable at 5 months, Momma!"

"To study! It was obvious the child was gifted, and I needed to know what they'd become! One life to potentially save thousands, Mara!"

"You killed a baby just to see what she'd be like? Dear gods, how do you keep surprising me? What about you sleeping with Dwight? Does he know you're the one who tainted his gift? The one who made him a bullet-magnet? Does he know you're the reason his daughter is gone, Momma? Or are you just taking one child per person now?"

"That's enough, Mara. Look at you, your face is damaged- one of the humans did that to you, didn't they? Yet you continue to protect and defend them, against your own people, against your own mother! How could you be so disloyal? I've given you 500 years to reconsider, I've done everything I could to show you what is expected from you. You need to grow up! You have a job to do, Mara. You have a duty to your people, to me!"

"Did William know I got pregnant? Does he know you killed his baby?"

"Mara, why are you still on about this? He doesn't know, and it doesn't matter. We know that you can conceive, you can have a dozen offspring if you want to. Once we get William back-"

Mara spoke slowly and loudly, making a declaration. A declaration of war.

"I will not help you bring William back. I will defend Haven until I am  _dead_. I've been doing it for over 500 years, and I won't stop now. I've been defending this town and the people in it from  _you,_  from you and William and your insane drive for power! You can't have Haven, and you can't have me!"

"I was afraid you were going to be difficult. Fine. We'll build a new Barn. Increase the time from 27 years to 10. But you  _will_ help me, Mara." Charlotte reached into her drawer, pulling out a syringe.

Mara shouted. "Help, somebody please help!"

Dwight beat Duke in by a millisecond, they both saw the syringe. "Put that down, Charlotte." Dwight said softly.

"Oh, thank goodness you're here! Mara- she's out of control, look what she did to her face! I was going to give her a little sedative to calm her down."

"That so?" Nathan ambled in slowly. "Huh. Her face looks just like it did when we got here. Are you out of control, Mara?"

She pulled off the handcuffs, handing them back to Nathan and hiding her shaking hands under the sweater she'd been carrying. "I've had better days, but I don't think I'm out of control. Did you get..."

"Everything." Audrey came in smiling.

Charlotte turned furious eyes on Mara. "What have you done?"

"I told. I told them everything, and  _they believed me_. You say a lot of bad things about humans, Momma, but here's what's funny- you can't do anything they can't. You're not gifted, the Aether will never obey you. They're stronger than you. And... I'm stronger than you. Not just gifted,  _stronger_. I won't let you control my life anymore. You don't determine my worth."

She stood straight, kept her gaze even and level. Charlotte glared. "You're awfully brave when William isn't here. Did you tell them everything, Mara? Did you tell them what he did with you? How far from innocent you are?"

"Not with me, to me. And yes, I did. Audrey isn't dying, Momma. The cellular degeneration stopped, she was just adjusting to being human. You should have noticed that."

"It may take time, but you know he'll get back, and when he does, the bond will be active and he will punish you. You think it was bad before? He's had a list of new ideas on how to control you through the bond. They won't live forever, Mara!"

Mara looked at Audrey, trying to ignore Charlotte. She was trying to hide it, but the words hurt her and frightened her. Her stomach was queasy. "Do you guys have somewhere you can put her?"

Nathan patted Mara's back and handcuffed Charlotte, her arms behind her back. He whispered with Audrey for a moment and then took Charlotte out.

As soon as she was gone, Mara sat in the nearest chair, leaning to put her head between her knees. She hadn't realized how badly she'd been shaking. Duke knelt in front of her, one hand on the side of her neck, the other holding her hand. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." The light flared and she grimaced. "I'm not injured. I'm upset and I don't feel well, but she didn't touch me."

"Damn it, I'm sorry. That was a stupid question, I'm sorry. What can I do?"

"We need to destroy the samples she took and all her notes. That way even if she gets loose, she won't know anything that puts Audrey in danger."

"Gloria can get me into the medical waste furnace. We can just burn everything, right?"

Mara nodded and stood, moving around the office and piling things on the desk. She went through Charlotte's bag, removing the file on her and finding her ring. She put the ring in her pocket, handed Audrey the file and grabbed a box from the hallway to throw everything that was furnace-bound away.

She looked at the computer and paused. Her computer experience was fairly limited, just what she'd learned from Audrey, but it was all just linked electricity. Mara focused, reaching to stabilize her ability as she reached her hand out to the CPU. With a sharp crackle, a spark hit the computer and smoke billowed from it.

Good enough.

"All of this needs to go. You can have the ID and stuff from her bag in case you need it. I can't imagine you'll be able to prosecute her normally. What  _will_  you do with her?"

Dwight spoke softly, watching Mara. "The Guard has places where she can be kept."

Mara wrapped her arms around herself, turning to face Dwight. "I'm sorry about everything I did. I'm sorry I was cruel. I was angry and- and I was  _afraid_. I'm sorry. But I didn't make the Troubles, Dwight, I swear. I'm sorry that you liked her and she hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you, but she's dangerous."

"I heard everything. This whole time, you've been trying to stop her, and she's the one who created the Troubles?"

Mara nodded. "I didn't do a very good job. I'm sorry."

"It sounds like you lost plenty yourself."

She shrugged. "It was my choice."

Duke scoffed. "Some choice. Become a murderous monster or torture."

Mara looked out the window, trying to distance herself from the situation. "She's very convincing. Whoever you get to watch her, be careful. She'll try to convince them that she can cure their Troubles if they release her. She can't, though. She couldn't even if she wanted to, which she doesn't. We can, though. Me and Duke. Or Audrey and Duke, once she learns. If you want, maybe you can get the worst cases together so we can fix them first? Just tell Audrey or Nathan or Duke where you want me and when, and we'll be there. I want to help, but I'll stay out of the way otherwise. I don't expect you to like me, but I just want to be free. I will stay away from everyone except for when we're working on the Troubles."

She felt like she should be asking permission or sanctuary. She didn't want to actually set the precedent of asking to live though, so she stayed quiet.

Audrey came up to Mara, carefully removing the tiny recorder. "You did a great job, Mara. Because of you, she won't be able to hurt anyone."

"Do I need to stay here any more? I don't want to be here."

"No, I'll finish up here. Go home."

"Bring Nathan over later. Please. I have something for him before I release the excess Aether. I'll be fairly useless for several days after that."

"Come on, Mara. Let's get you out of here." Duke took her hand, wrapping his arm around her waist. She clenched her teeth, standing as straight as possible, keeping her face blank as she walked through the building with Duke, not meeting anyone's eyes.

It was fine. None of these people knew anything about her. They didn't know  _anything_ , bad or good. For all they knew, she was Audrey's long lost sister.

Mara tilted her head at that. Maybe, just maybe, she could use that. If Audrey was willing. She had enough money hidden around town to pay for papers, and she was sure Duke must know at least one forgery expert. If they were willing to help her, she could make a new identity.

Duke was eyeing her as they got into his Land Rover. "What are you thinking?"

"Do you know anyone who does forgery?"

"You're still thinking about papers?"

She shrugged. "Considering the possibility. If Audrey was feeling generous, she could vouch for me. Say I'm her sister or cousin or something. I don't even know if she'd be willing to, but it might be nice to have a legal identity. I'm just guessing. For right now, I don't really feel like leaving the  _Rouge_."

"So what are we having the Scooby Squad over for?"

"We need to cure Nathan's Trouble before I process the Aether. I'm going to be in pretty bad shape for awhile after."

He frowned. "Is there any chance this could hurt you?"

"Not really. I'm going to get sick either way, I don't see how curing a Trouble or two first could make things worse."

"You're the boss."

He was trying to make her smile. She just didn't have it in her.

She'd never been happier to see that boat. How amusing that her old prison had become her refuge. She walked quickly, just short of running from the car to the door, where she waited impatiently for Duke to unlock it.

As the lock clicked behind her, she sank to the floor and let the tears have her. She crossed her ankles and hugged her knees to her chest, hiding her face. Damn that woman. Damn her for everything she had done, and damn Mara for ever believing a word from her lying mouth. She'd been a fool, and she was unbelievably angry that she'd been tricked, that she'd been so despondent over the loss of Lucy's loved ones that she'd slipped and conceived.

She was angry that she'd been a fool, she was angry that she cared about the poor innocent child that she had carried- Mara should have hated that child and been glad that it was gone. That she didn't have that reminder of William. But the baby wasn't William. It had grown in her, when she was depressed and lonely from having lost Duke and Nathan and James and Dave. It had been a child conceived by memories, and her mother had killed it. Mara would never even know if it was a boy or girl, because if the Gods had any mercy at all, she would never have to talk to Charlotte again.

Duke's arms wrapped around her, his chin on her shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"She surprised me, and I hate that. That she could still surprise me."

"I'm sorry about your baby. I know you're hurting. How can I help?"

"Do your feet still hurt?"

The question startled him, and he moved around, actually testing before he answered. "No. No, they don't hurt at all. What did you do?"

"I healed them. They hurt because there were places that didn't heal properly. I should have asked you first, but the Aether was active when it fell from my eyes. I just acted, I didn't want you to be in pain."

He pulled her in close with the arm he had around her neck, pressing his lips to her forehead. "Thank you. You just help automatically, don't you? It's your first instinct."

Mara shrugged. "Habit, usually. But I wanted to heal you. I just didn't think to ask first. You're on your feet all day, every day. I don't see why you should suffer unnecessarily."

"Come on. Why don't you change into something comfortable. I'll make us some tea."

* * *

 

Mara showered and changed, taking a couple of Duke's pain pills before she settled on the couch. She had a monstrous headache.

"What will they do with her, you think?"

Duke placed a cup of tea next to her, stretching out against her and propping his feet up.

"They'll lock her in one of their hidden dungeons while they go over the evidence. Vince and Dave will make notes from their books, and Dwight will pass out copies of the recording and transcript. Mara, I mean this- I've never, ever seen Dwight more angry than he was listening to that woman- she's not getting out of this. And if you really do start taking away people's Troubles, the whole town will back you."

"It's not me who fixes the Troubles, Duke. That's all you. All I do is take the Aether out of you and make it dormant. I could never find a way to remove Troubles myself. Your Trouble is one of the few I designed myself, and you know how badly I screwed that up. I'm still going to teach Audrey to use the Aether, she needs to know."

"Hey, I never got a chance to mention- you hugging Nate when he showed up, it was a really nice thing to do. You made him happy, and you didn't have to."

"He felt guilty. He didn't need to. I told you I wanted to try and be better. It all seems to be guesswork though. Pissing people off is easy. Scaring people is easy. Happiness is harder. I realized that I like Audrey better than I thought, though. She's pretty decent. And Nathan was nice in the car."

Duke held his arm out and Mara scooted up against him, winding her fingers around his.

She felt them from the dock, the Aether calling to her. She stood to open the door.

"Where are you going?" Duke complained, "I was just getting comfortable."

"That's why I'm getting the door. They're here."

There was a knock, and Duke gave her a questioning look.

"I can feel Audrey." Mara explained, opening the door for the pair. She tried to smile at them, but it felt more like a grimace.

As they followed her in and she retook her seat with Duke, she asked, "So, did everything else go alright?"

Audrey nodded. "I doubt she'll be seeing daylight anytime soon. How are you?"

"Whoa, stop! Don't answer that. I asked the same thing, and it was a dumb question. If she says she's fine, it'll hurt her. Nobody would be fine. Hell,  _I'm_  not fine, and I wasn't the one who suffered."

"Stop, Duke. I haven't exactly cornered the market on pain. I have had worse days. And at least you guys and Dwight know. It's more than I hoped for when I found out she was in town. It's really a best-case scenario if you think about it. But I wanted to show you something."

She pulled out the pictures and her sketchbook, leaving the letter tucked into Duke's atlas and handed them to Nathan. "If you want copies of any, we can make you some."

Nathan pored over the photos with Audrey. "This is amazing, I've never seen any of these. Where did you find them?"

"When I was Lucy, I spent a lot of time with you two. I left things like this every time."

"Did you draw all of these?"

"Yeah. I like to draw." She shrugged.

"This is  _me_."

"Several of them are of you, or you and Duke. I spent most of my time with you two and your families."

"Mara, these are beautiful. I always wished I could draw." Audrey sounded wistful.

"You can, Audrey. You can do anything I can do."

"I've tried. I can barely make recognizable stick figures."

Mara shook her head, getting up to find paper and a pencil. She came back and knelt next to Audrey, laying the paper on the coffee table and taking her hand. "Okay, close your eyes. It's not really any different than playing the piano. So think about the picture behind your eyes, the thing your body wants to draw. You can't just choose. Sometimes you have to do what your body wants to do.

As Audrey's hand moved, Mara slowly slid her fingers down toward her wrist, no longer leading, just letting Audrey feel her there. "Open your eyes, Audrey."

Those blue eyes opened, and she gasped.

Her hand was still moving, but the picture on the paper was clear and unmistakable; Mara, staring out over the water. "Did I actually do that?"

"It's muscle memory, and your body knows how to do this. Remember what I said to you about hobbling your own abilities? The more you say, 'I can't', the more you make yourself believe it, even when it's not true. If you accept who you are, darkness, flaws and all, you'll learn to access all the other things your body ever learned. You have centuries of experience behind you, you just need to accept them. You can do what I can do, because you were the last real personality. Just like you can access my memories now, you can do the same with abilities."

"Thank you. This is- it's great."

"You're welcome. If you don't mind, I'd like to do what I asked you here for. Nathan, can you trust me for just a few minutes?"

"Sure. What are you going to do?"

"It's a surprise, just close your eyes. Please."

She gestured for Duke to join her, grabbing his knife from the table. She reached out to take Nathan's hand in hers, looked to Duke to make sure he was ready, and placed a small slice in the flesh of Nathan's palm, far enough from her fingers that he wouldn't feel it. She waited for the blood to well up, and then Duke took Nathan's hand, his eyes glowing silver as the blood absorbed.

Nathan's eyes popped open, shock written in every line on his face. He looked at his hand, still held in Duke's. "It works? When you fixed Duke, I knew you saved him from the overload of Troubles, but I wasn't expecting..." He turned to hug Audrey, and Mara reached out to wipe the tears directly from Duke's face, not bothering to make them fly to her.

She made the orb dormant, setting it into the bowl of orbs from the day before as she retook her spot on the couch, letting Nathan hold on to Duke and Audrey. Gods knew they needed a little time to themselves. She lay her head back, closing her own eyes, and she began processing the Aether, letting orb after orb drop into the bowl. After a few moments, the bowl was full and Mara's hands were shaking.

She stood quietly and retrieved an empty cardboard box, bringing it back to the couch where she lay her head back and rested her hand in the box. She closed her eyes again as she processed, the orbs pouring from her hand as the exhaustion took over.

Mara slept.


	11. As the World Falls Down

Mara'd somehow let Duke convince her to take a canoe ride with him. In October.  _In the rain_.

Of course the rain became a squall and then a full-blown monsoon, and her hands gripped tightly to anything that came to her grasp. She was wet and cold; shivery and sea-sick. It was abysmal.

But he kept smiling through the whole thing, never panicking or voicing dreadful thoughts, and so she held on and she tried to smile with him. She'd do that for him. He deserved that much.

* * *

The Barn that still always smelled like disinfectant. She was tired and her body was immobile- she couldn't tell if she was being physically restrained or if she'd been paralyzed with medication. Her mother's voice dictated a chart note nearby, sounding clinical and detached.

The days she dreaded the entire month. The ones where he would make her pay for denying him, where her mother would force her to obey.

Her stomach twisted and she wished she could be anywhere else. But then the Aether lit up and danced behind her eyelids, showing her pictures of a boy she adored turning into a man she would love. The pictures were so beautiful, the fear and pain disappeared, and she was there, living in the pictures with the happy, manic pirate as they explored the world. He never faltered and so she ignored the pain and the fear, being brave for him. She'd do that for him. He deserved that much.

* * *

They'd actually had an argument about putting a swing set on the deck of the  _Rouge_. Duke had somehow defended the idea as being 'fun and innovative', totally ignoring the entire 'blood and tears' aspect.

She respected his point of view, and though she herself would be happy to always stay on the boat, kids needed things like swings and yards and dogs, all of which were impossible when you lived in a boat. She'd suggested land with a dock, something deep enough for him to give the  _Rouge_  a berth.

He'd tried to sell her on swings on the deck and a Portuguese Water Dog named Max. So she ignored the frustration and anxiety, and she tried to be calm and patient with him. She'd do that for him. He deserved that much.

* * *

She woke up retching, and the gagging made her chest and back ache. Everything felt wrong; and not just the kind of wrong that she expected when she woke up gagging.

She wasn't where she'd been just a few minutes ago when she closed her eyes. She was in Duke's bed.

She wasn't wearing the same clothes. It felt like she was in one of Duke's shirts and some panties.

She felt painfully dry. Her mouth, her eyes, even her skin felt dry and cracked, as though she'd been running a high fever.

As she began to focus, she understood more. Her head was aching, partly due to the dehydration from the fever. Her body ached because she'd been much sicker than she planned, and obviously for quite awhile. It took her a moment to remember. She'd fallen asleep while processing the Aether.

Oh hell. That was stupid.

She blinked several times to clear her eyes and finally saw Duke, asleep in the bed next to her.

"He won't leave you, so we just have him sleep here with you. Do you know me?"

What? Good gods, how sick had she actually been?

"Of course I know you. You're Audrey. What- what's going on? Not to sound rude, but why are you here? Why am I so  _weak_?"

"Mara, what's the last thing you remember?"

"I... I was processing the Aether since you guys got Charlotte locked up and you were having a moment."

"Did you expect a certain number of orbs?"

She had to close her eyes to think. "His journal said he was running low, but it was still enough to send me into Aether-shock. So maybe a hundred. Enough to make me sick, but nothing I can't handle."

"What you said about books being false accounts? You weren't joking. Mara, by the time we understood what was happening and managed to shake you out of it, there were over 1,300 orbs in that box."

"That's impossible. His family couldn't have killed that many. Unless-"

"Unless what, Mara?"

She melted into the pillows, feeling unbearably heavy. "Every Troubled person a Crocker killed ended up curing their entire family. Some of them had huge families. If Duke was holding enough Aether to Trouble that many people... then my math was wrong. Gods, I'm so sorry. I must have wrecked your plans, and Nathan just got well. How long have I been sick?"

"I think you're just entering the 'sick' phase now. You were hallucinating and non-responsive for the last five days."

_Five days?_

"Did you say 1,300? I can feel there's still more in me, too. Audrey- I should have died, processing that much. Duke should have been dead ten times over. People just can't handle that much Aether. Not Humans  _or_  Omni's. Gods, is Duke okay? Did he get sick? Is he hurt? Has he eaten?"

Audrey was chuckling.

"What's so funny?"

"Before Duke finally fell asleep, he said that when you woke up you'd be afraid and asking about everyone else before you asked about yourself. But Duke is fine, I promise. Just worried about you."

"I'm so sorry for ruining Nathan's special day. I should have just waited, but I had no idea how much... with Aether shock of that kind of magnitude, I'm lucky I didn't lose consciousness sooner. Is Nathan okay? Is he very angry with me?"

"Of course he's not angry. Why would he be?"

"His first day cured, I wrecked it."

"No, you didn't. He was worried about you, we all were- but please trust me when I say he had a very good day." Audrey grinned wickedly, and Mara had to laugh a little. She felt so  _weak_.

"I can't believe you just said that. But, I guess, congratulations on the sex?"

Audrey muffled her laugh in her arm.

"Audrey, I hate to ask, but would you mind helping me get to the bathroom?"

"That's what I'm here for, Mara." Audrey ducked to pull Mara's arm over her shoulder, and together they got her to the bathroom. "I'm actually relieved. We were really worried. You didn't pee or anything the entire time you were out. We were talking about bringing you to the hospital, but I kept feeling like it was- I don't know, normal. Or at least that you wouldn't want human doctors involved."

"You're right. It is normal for my physiology. In a catatonic state, the body doesn't require the same intake and output as normal. So the body enters a type of hibernation phase." She stood slowly, hobbling the few steps to wash her hands and face. "Is Duke angry with me?"

Audrey pulled her arm over her shoulder again and they walked slowly. "No, not at all. He knew you had to get it out. He was just afraid, Mara. He's been a wreck. Talking to you, reading to you. He won't leave your side, and he keeps pulling this old, folded up letter out of his pocket. He cries half the time he reads it, but it seems to keep him a little even."

They got Mara back into the bed. "I found something you might like. We can try to put something you like better together, but in the meantime, I thought you could use these."

Audrey pulled out an envelope and handed it to Mara. Inside were Lexie's driver's license, social security card, birth certificate- every single item of ID that had landed with Lexie. "I've already started telling people that you're my lost sister, that we got separated in the system. We said you were in a car accident, that's how they located me and I'm helping take care of you here. When they start asking why we're at Duke's, I usually pull the fake tears until they leave me alone about it."

"Audrey, thank you." Mara had to fight her own tears. "Did Duke tell you about this? I know it's stupid, I know I don't need them for anything. It's just- Sometimes I'm too logical, and I can't daydream about certain things when I know for a fact they can never happen." She kept looking at each card and document over and over again, touching them like they were precious.

"You want to marry him, don't you?"

Mara startled, almost dropping her driver's license. "I- it- I know better, Audrey. I'm not a fool. You didn't say anything to him about that, did you?"

"Of course not. But what do you mean 'you know better'? You're talking like it can't ever happen."

"It can't, Audrey. Not only because of the papers- and I really do thank you for these- but because of me. Even if he could overlook my behavior, my differences; I'm damaged goods. I was damaged already, Momma telling me- telling everyone- that I had a baby I couldn't even save... it's too much. I know he loves me. He loves with his entire heart, the way he manages to hug with his whole body. And if I'm very, very lucky he'll overlook this massive screw-up of mine and want to keep me around for awhile. But that's all I can aspire to be. A girlfriend. Hopefully long term, but I'll take what I can get."

"A smart woman once told me to stop telling myself what I  _can't_  do."

"Can you do me one big favor, and then go rest, be with Nathan. I'm pretty sure I'll stay lucid."

"What do you need?"

"Two of the pain pills from Duke's medicine cabinet and two bottles of water. Please, if you don't mind. Then go sleep and be with your boyfriend. I'll feel better if you get some rest."

Audrey went to fetch the things Mara requested, helped her take the pills and drink some water, then tucked her in with Duke. She kissed Mara on the head as she fixed her pillows.

Mara touched the spot Audrey had kissed, staring with wide eyes.

Audrey chuckled quietly. "Hey, you're my sister now.. You have to get used to affection. And Mara? I didn't get to say it the other day, but thank you for what you did for Nathan. It was wonderful and I love that you surprised him. Thank you so much."

"I was happy to. You guys helped me when I needed it. And Duke did all the work."

Audrey just shook her head. "I'm going to go lay down with Nathan. Yell if you need  _anything_ , I mean it."

When Audrey left, Mara relaxed into the bed, struggling onto her side to face Duke, reaching out to touch the stubble on his face.

He didn't jump, but his eyes opened slowly, melting into a relieved smiled when he saw her watching him.

"You awake this time, sweetheart?"

"I'm awake. I'm sorry, Duke. I didn't know that would happen. I hadn't expected a tenth of what you were actually carrying. I don't know how you survived."

"The last five days, I feel like I aged a hundred years. I was so scared, Mara. You didn't recognize me, you were seeing things that weren't there. You had these god-awful night terrors, and you'd be screaming at something I couldn't see. I didn't know how to help."

"But you did help. I remember hurting and feeling sick and afraid, but I kept dreaming you were there, and I needed to be strong for you. It kept me from giving in to the fear and pain. Each dream, you were there, keeping me together. I truly didn't mean to, Duke. I had no idea the Aether-shock was so severe. I was just going to start processing, but I must have passed out right after I started. I'm not suicidal, Duke, I swear I didn't do that on purpose."

"Shh. Hush, baby. I'm not blaming you. I know you didn't do it on purpose. I was just scared. Will it hurt you too much to come lay against me?"

"No, I think it would make me feel better." She slowly inched closer until Duke understood, moving close and gently pulling her into his embrace.

She was right, it felt better.

"Audrey was sitting here when I woke up. Watching over us."

"They've been here the whole time. They've only left long enough to do a few errands, but otherwise they've stayed with us."

"She gave me papers. Did you ask her to do that?"

"Nope. I mentioned that you were talking about it, but she had the idea all on her own. I hadn't even considered the fact that Lexie had documents. Do you like them? I know it would be better if they had your real name."

"I love them. Besides, I don't want to use my surname anymore. I don't want to share a name with my parents. So DeWitt is just fine with me,"

A spasm hit the muscles in Mara's back and she groaned, hands tightening in the sheets.

"What is it Mara, how can I help?"

"My back. Just spasming. I'm awake, but I'm not through the withdrawal. And I'm still going to have to process the rest of the Aether at some point. Not today, though."

"No, not today." He was rubbing her back with one hand. "Is there something I can get you that would help?"

"No, Audrey already gave me something for pain. It's manageable." She shifted her position, laying with her arm stretched across Duke's chest. "That's better. Just need to try and keep my back straight. But tell me, are you alright? Have you eaten? Is there anything you need?"

"I'm surprised you haven't asked Audrey already."

"I did, but she didn't answer me. She got all caught up laughing about how you told her I'd ask about you first, and she never answered the question. So please tell me."

"I'm fine. I've eaten, and I sleep right here with you. But what about you? Are you hungry? Me and Nate wanted to take you to the hospital, but Audrey swore that you wouldn't want that and that everything was okay."

"She was right. My functions stop when they're unnecessary. My people are fairly sturdy, Duke. But thank you for worrying."

"Are you hungry now?"

"No. Still queasy. Gods, I had the strangest dreams. In one, you'd convinced me to take a canoe ride with you, but it was October, and it was raining. So by the time we were out on the ocean, a big storm had hit, and I was soaked and freezing. But you were so happy, just smiling, so I just tried not to fall out of the boat." She brought her fingers up, examining them. They were beat up, several nails torn and cracked.

"That must have been during the fever. You were in bad shape. You were burning up. We put you in a cool bath, but you were grabbing onto things and thrashing so badly, I was afraid you'd hurt yourself more. Audrey worked on fixing your nails afterward, and man, I could hear your voice in my head, always joking about her and manicures. She kept asking me what I was laughing about, but I didn't rat you out."

She laughed, the movement making her chest ache. "She manicured me while I was unconscious? I'm telling you, she keeps a manicure set attached to her holster, just in case of emergencies."

"She actually had it in the glove box of Nathan's Bronco. Or he keeps it there and she was being nice, saying it was hers so I wouldn't make fun of Nate."

"Stop it, it hurts when I laugh!"

He looked at her with a serious face, holding her against him. "What else did you dream?"

"One was a memory, I guess. Not a dream. I'd been wondering what was so different, why I conceived after hundreds of years when nothing had changed. I was in the Barn, and I was hurting. The Aether tried to make me feel better, showing me what you looked like as you grew. Showing me what you'd be like as an adult. I let the images suck me in, it felt like I was sailing around with you. It calmed me down, and the Aether must have been distracted."

She could feel him thinking, blaming himself. So she distracted him the only way she knew how- by embarrassing herself.

"The last one was the funniest, though. We were arguing about swing sets. You tried to convince me that we could put one on the deck of the ship, that it would be fun and innovative. I kept trying to remind you that flying off a swing and into the ocean was a bad thing. And you wanted to get a Portuguese Water Dog and name it Max."

Duke looked incredulous. "Why did we want a swing set on the boat?"

" _You_  wanted a swing set on the boat. I wanted to buy a house, somewhere we could have a dock big enough for the  _Rouge._ "

"Would you rather live in a house?"

"No, I'm perfectly happy here."

"Then why were we arguing?" Oh, this was so Duke. Trying to make her rationalize a dream.

"It was a dream, Duke. Weird things happen in dreams. There was a kid, and I thought kids needed yards and swings and dogs, and you were trying to prove that you could have all those things on the boat."

She felt her cheeks redden, and if she hadn't been so weak she probably would have tried to hide. But she wasn't going anywhere, that much was certain.

"We had a kid? Was it a boy or a girl? What were they like?"

"I don't know, Duke. I never actually saw the child. It may not have even been born yet. It was a dream, they don't always make sense."

"I really missed you. I kept giving you setups for awesome jokes, trying to bring you around. If I can remember them, I'll try to use them while you're getting better."

"I don't think it will be necessary. I'm trying to make friends, I don't think practicing my sense of humor on  _Nathan_  is going to help."

"Don't forget, Audrey started telling people about you. You're her long-lost twin sister and you just had a big car accident. People will want to meet you."

"You don't think anyone will really want to meet me, do you? And Dwight and the Teagues brothers already know my name is Mara. How would I explain that?"

"Sweetheart, I don't think random visitors are going to card you. Besides, 'Lexie' was a nickname. The papers say 'Alexandra'. I'll introduce you by your real name."

"It was nice of Audrey to do this. To say I'm her sister. I'll do my best to make sure it doesn't bite her in the ass. Have you heard anything about my mother?"

"She's not happy, I know that. Dwight's been careful to make sure the only guards she has are people who can't be manipulated. People who don't hate their Troubles. She's mad as hell that she can't make Dwight listen to her. And he's on the warpath. He's pissed that she used him and he fell for it."

"That's not his fault. How could he have known?"

"I guess Vince and Dave had been trying to convince him from the beginning that she was bad news, they knew she wasn't who she said she was and tried to tell him."

"Still not his fault. Nobody listens to Vince and Dave because they've been  _wrong_  so often."

"Well, maybe you can convince him, because he's not listening to the rest of us. He wants to see you when you're up to visitors."

"I don't want to hold up his investigation, and I don't want him to feel like that. Maybe in the morning? I don't think he'd appreciate a call at 3 am."

"Only when you're well enough."

"I very much doubt he's going to ask me to run laps. If Audrey told people I was in a car accident, I can stay on the couch. I'll talk to him and whoever else I need to tomorrow, if you can help me take a shower first. I feel gross."

"I'll help you shower whenever you want. It's easier to rest when you're clean and comfortable. Do you want to do it now?"

She considered. "Yeah, I do. I feel filthy."

"No, I've seen you filthy. You look like you're sick. There's a big difference."

She rolled onto her back, trying to sit up. Five days? Felt more like a month.

Duke was already up and at her side, and she was slightly disgruntled at his speed and agility.

Mara huffed, asking, "Would you please help me up?"

He was gracious enough not to say 'I told you so'. He undressed her on the bed, then picked her up to carry into the bathroom. He chuckled as he turned the water on.

"This is starting to be 'our thing'. Helping you shower."

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather we have a 'thing' that wasn't necessitated by me being immobile. Maybe just showers in general. Next time, I'll wash your back."

He stripped one-handed before carrying her into the water, carefully setting her on her feet. Mara let the water rain over her, loosening her muscles and the fine film of  _sick_  that coated her skin.

Duke held Mara against him with one arm- she didn't have the strength to hold herself up around his neck this time- and he wet a cloth, using his soap to wash her with the other hand. She managed to rest her hands on his chest, and she was happy with even that tiny bit of progress.

"So, Mara, I had this dream while you were really sick, and I was wondering if it was just a dream of if it was a memory."

"Really? What was it?"

"You reading me a Star Wars book. Saying Han was your favorite."

A surprised laugh broke from her. "Yeah, that was real. I was so disappointed that I couldn't take you to the movie. And it didn't come out on video until after I was gone. So I settled on the book. You seemed to like it."

"I did. I loved that. I always wanted to be Han Solo. If it wasn't bad luck to change a ship's name..." He trailed off as he rinsed her hair, washing her face gently.

"I'm glad you remembered. Maybe that's a good sign. Maybe all the memories aren't totally gone."

Duke was a conundrum. People talked about him like he was lazy, cutting corners to make a profit, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. If he did a job, he did it thoroughly. She thought about the times she'd watched him draw the Taco Tuesday sign on the blackboard, the intensity in his gaze as he made sure each line was perfect. Whatever he devoted his attention to, he did it completely.

Bathing Mara was no exception.

He was gentle, but not an inch of skin went unwashed. Ears to navel to toes, she was soaped, scrubbed and rinsed. He had that adorable look of extreme concentration through the entire process, and while Mara was a little distracted as his hands roamed her body, Duke stayed single-minded, completely focused on his task.

After she was rinsed, he turned off the water and dried her as well as he could, finally wrapping the towel around her and bringing her to the sink, where she had to insist she could at least brush her own teeth. He dried her hair as she did, still careful to avoid the cut on her head. It was healing, but there was still a large lump- typical with head wounds.

When he carried her back into the bedroom with a towel around his hips, Audrey had just finished changing the sheets.

"What are you doing up?" Mara fussed at her. "I told you to get some sleep."

"I heard the shower and I knew you'd be more comfortable on clean sheets. Also, you're not the boss of me."

Mara snickered as Duke set her down on the bed, towel still wrapped around her.

"I did bring you some clean clothes, though. I figured if you were going to have company you might like clothes your own size."

"Thank you." Mara said sincerely. "I don't care if you guys see me in Duke's clothes, but it might make other people curious."

"Can I help you change, or do you want some privacy?"

"I don't really have anything you haven't seen. Thank you."

Audrey helped Mara dress in cotton leggings and a black tank top, and she settled back against the pillows, feeling more like she's just run a marathon than standing still while Duke washed her.

"This is insane. I knew I'd get sick, I knew I'd have withdrawal from the Aether-shock, but it shouldn't have been  _this_  bad. I can't believe I messed up the math so badly. And I knew, I even told you guys that it wasn't the Troubles that were backed up, that it was the Aether. This is what happens when you try to do work when you're distracted. Stupid, rookie mistakes."

"Relax, Mara. You could have  _died_. I'm just glad we were here and got it stopped when we did. I wish we'd realized sooner." Audrey tried to soothe her.

Duke brought her one of his heavy cardigans, and she pulled it tight around her, kissing his cheek in thanks. "You guys had no way of knowing. Hell,  _I_  didn't know. And I was trying to be quiet, I wanted you guys to have your moment. I wish you'd had longer."

"Don't worry, sweetheart. We've had Nate locked up here for five days. Audrey's kept him happy and I've kept him-"

"Irritated?" Audrey suggested. "Cautious? Edgy?"

"I was going to say 'on his toes', but thank you, Miss Helper."

Audrey laughed.

Mara was exhausted, but she mused, "Do you think he'll still call you 'Parker' when you're married? That would be funny."

Audrey put a finger against Mara's lips. "None of that! You'll jinx me."

"In what way?" Mara mumbled against her finger. "In a 'you'll make him propose' way or a 'you'll make him afraid to propose' way? 'Cause I hate to tell you, but if you were afraid of scaring him, you probably shouldn't have started telling people I was your sister."

Duke laughed loudly. "Thank you, Universe. Mara's back."

Audrey shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Neither. Both. I don't know. It's not something I've thought about."

Mara gave her a disbelieving look. "Really? You're going to use that line on me?"

Audrey blushed, though she was obviously trying to look cool about the whole thing. "We've had other things going on. Besides, I'm not exactly marriage material."

"Well, I can't say I don't understand where you're coming from, but I still disagree. He loves you the way you are. He doesn't need Betty Homemaker barefoot in the kitchen. Cut yourself some slack. It's not your fault we had a lousy history. Don't let it define you. Don't forget that you may come from a long line, but you're still something  _new_. You didn't exist until the day Howard came to send you to Haven. You're clean, not tainted because of where you come from.

"So they gave you the memories and a history. But they aren't real. So why should you have to settle for what they gave you? Make your own history. Maybe you were an orphan because your parents worked for Doctors without Borders and their ship sank, but they loved you like crazy. They were just trying to save the world, just like you. And now that you've told people about me, you just make that part of your history. You had a twin sister who loved you more than anything, but got sent away from you. Audrey, they've never touched you without your knowledge. You fought William off and won, and you put Charlotte away. Why should they get to make your history? Take it back. You can be the girl who dreamed of poofy dresses  _and_  Quantico.

"You have something amazing. A life without limits. No deadlines, no punishment. The people you helped get to keep you. You're a pure-blooded Omni who isn't stuck on the world we come from, you aren't a lab rat or a scientist. You can use your abilities to help people. Don't let them limit you, and don't limit yourself because you're scared. You want to marry him and he wants to marry you. You two and your fear of commitment. How has that worked for you so far? Nathan's pulled some majorly brainless stunts because of it, and you need to stop pushing people away. Take the love you're offered when you want it, Audrey. You're too special to let fear rule your life."

Audrey wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "I could say the same to you, Mara."

Mara froze, thinking over the words. "There are a couple of differences." Mara said quietly.

"None that matter. The things that happened to you weren't your choice. They weren't fair or right, they weren't even legal, you showed me they lied to secure your conviction. You can't change your past, but this life that you're living isn't controlled by them anymore. You're free. And since you're my sister, you get a new start. You're not under their control. So stop letting the past and their actions limit what you let yourself dream. It's like the papers, Mara. If I can have those things, so can you. Just live in the present, instead of being ashamed of the past or fearing the future."

Mara cautiously reached out to take Audrey's hand. Her skin was soft and warm, and Mara was fascinated by the ways they matched and the subtle differences that showed they really were different people. "I'll try if you will."

"Deal. You want some help with your hair?"

Duke spoke up before she could answer. "Sorry, Audrey, that's my job. I called dibs already."

Audrey looked at Mara, who blushed. "He's got a thing for brushing your hair?"

Mara shrugged.

"That's actually really sweet. Nathan used to sneak touches of my hair, because I wouldn't feel it. I always thought it was weird that he could feel my hair, but he couldn't feel me through clothes."

"That's because there's Aether in your hair, like every other part of your body. The Aether is what made him feel you, it's why he couldn't feel you after the split. I, uh... I'm glad I fixed you. Not just because of Duke. I'm glad you're okay. I- I  _like_  you. I didn't expect that."

Audrey smiled, laughing slightly. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I was really, really afraid of you."

"I was afraid of  _you_. And that pissed me off, because I didn't want to acknowledge that you were real. Gods, when Duke cut his hand and the rumbling started, I was absolutely panicked. Then it looked like nothing happened. I thought I was going to throw up when I saw you. That sounds rude- not because you're disgusting or anything, but because it was horrifying. I can't even explain except to say it was like looking at a dismembered limb. And you, I'm sure it was just as bad for you- we'd both had turns being trapped, but you knew how bad I was when I knew you were a good person."

"I admit, before I got to know you, it was really disturbing. You made me question everything. Once you actually let your guard down a little, everything was different. I'm glad you're around- not just because it explains where I come from, not even just because you make Duke happy- and you  _do_ -"

"The woman speaks the truth." Duke interrupted from where he was putting a shirt on.

"But because you're worth knowing. I always wanted a family, and I have one."

Mara gripped the sheets in her aching fingers, trying not to shout as the spasm rocked through her back and hips. Duke was at her side in the blink of an eye, rolling Mara onto her side and pressing insistent fingers against the straining muscles. Just as one muscle relaxed, her thighs cramped and she squealed loudly.

"What's hurting, baby, tell me where to rub." Duke's voice was strong and insistent.

"My legs and hips. Normal. Where bone marrow grows."

"She needs food and water. She's got to be dehydrated and malnourished." Audrey put in helpfully, brushing hair out of Mara's eyes.

"No, no food, please. I can't, it'll make me sick." She took several slow breaths, trying to force her body to relax.

"I'll have you know that nobody has _ever_  gotten sick from my soup, woman."

"When I go out to the couch, maybe. I'd rather you stayed here with me instead of being out there cooking. Please?"

"Fine, fine. But drink the water."

Mara took the bottle Audrey offered her, sipping obediently. She closed the bottle, snuggling back into the pillows. Her eyes felt heavy, and there were strange shapes dancing around in the shadows behind Audrey.

"Watch out for the dog, you're going to step on him."

Audrey shot a look at Duke. "What dog, Mara?"

"Behind you."

Thunder rolled and Duke jumped up to look outside. "Shit. She's doing this. Mara, come on beautiful, look at me." He put his hands on her face, pulling her gaze to his. "Damn it, the fever is back up. Will you get her some Tylenol?"

Audrey nodded, running out of the room.

"Mara, come on. I know you don't feel well, but I need you to try and focus. There's a storm coming in, and it was clear just a few minutes ago. This is you, beautiful. I'm afraid you'll bring in more storm than we can safely handle."

Mara shook her head, rolling it on the pillow. "Please don't put cold water on me again. Please."

Audrey came running back in, and she got Mara to swallow two of the Tylenol. She had a pack of alcohol swabs in her hand.

"Rubbing her down with alcohol can bring down a fever. They used to do it in one of the group homes I was in." She tore open a swab, rubbing it across Mara's forehead.

She was surprised when Mara screamed, trying to crawl away. "No, no. I don't want to, leave me alone! I shouldn't be here! Send me back, send me back!  _Duke!_ "

"Hush, baby. I'm right here." He wrapped her up, restraining her to keep her from hurting herself. "It's the fever, Mara. You're safe at home, I won't leave you."

"Duke?" Mara gripped his shirt, fingers surprisingly strong.

"I'm here, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

Nathan ran in, disheveled and half asleep. "Is she having another night terror? What can I do?"

Mara looked confused. "Nathan? You shouldn't be here. They don't know about you, you have to go back. Stay away from the Barn, you're only safe if they don't know you're James's father!"

"Not in the Barn, Mara. It's gone. Dead. Charlotte is locked up, William is gone. You're with me, Duke and Audrey on the  _Rouge_. You know I wouldn't lie to you."

She nodded, pulling Duke closer by the shirt. "Storm?"

"Yeah, baby. There's a storm. Can you fix it?"

"Need Audrey."

"I'm right here, Mara. I got rid of the alcohol. What can I do?"

"Help. I can't focus." Mara grabbed for Audrey's hand, squeezing. "You can keep it calm. Maybe not end it, but balance me. Feel the Aether. Like a hand. Push against the storm. It'll listen to you."

Audrey tried to feel for the new ability, but she couldn't seem to get a grip on it. Mara cried out and the thunder rumbled in answer.

"I can't do it, Mara, I can't understand where to push!"

"Give me Aether."

Mara held on to Duke and stared at Nathan, trying to stay present. She could do this. Duke was safe, and Nathan wasn't in the Barn. He was  _never_  in the Barn. They wouldn't use him against her because they didn't know about him. She could use that knowledge to stay together, if Audrey would just hurry.

Audrey ran in with the bowl of orbs from the coffee table. Mara reached out with a shaking hand to take one. She tried to gather her thoughts. If she took the Aether in, she might be able to control the fever. If she sent it out, it could help Audrey feel where her ability resided. But if it didn't, the storm would get worse and she might not stay lucid, and she'd put everyone in danger.

Simple enough, then.

She crushed the orb and absorbed it, trying to calm the fever. It took a long moment, but her body relaxed, melting into Duke. She breathed evenly, feeling the  _notnearlyenough_  Aether spread through her body. After several days operating with more than a thousand percent more Aether than she usually carried- and she was unusual even for Aether-users, she was more Aether than girl, really- it felt like she was severely depleted. She wondered if that was how humans felt.

"Audrey, come here." Mara took her hand. "I'll show you. Just pay attention to where you feel this."

Mara pushed the Aether, leaving a warm trail through Audrey's body, centering in her chest.

Mara nodded, letting her head fall back against Duke. "Push from there, tell the storm we're safe. Go ahead, try."

Audrey looked determined; she grit her teeth and tried again. The thunder began to fade mid-crash. She looked incredibly proud, and she pushed again, feeling the margins of the power, learning where it lived inside her. Gentle rain continued to fall outside, but she managed to keep the lightning and the overall danger at bay.

"I did it!"

"Good job. I need to sleep. If it starts getting bad and you can't knock it back again, get me. If you can't wake me, crush an orb and touch me. It will work."

Audrey stroked Mara's hair and backed up, pulling Nathan with her. "Yell if you need us."

Duke pulled the covers up, tucking Mara tightly against him. "Everything is okay. I'm right here, I won't let anything happen to you."

"I know, Duke." She sounded exhausted, and her eyelids fluttered. "I trust you. We- we can put the swing wherever you want."

Mara fell asleep to the sound of his laughter in her ear, and she smiled as she slept.


	12. Telling the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright here.

When Mara woke again, Duke was awake and dressed, sitting on the bed reading to her. From what she gathered before she opened her eyes, it was a story about a man raising his baby, all while trying to assume the new job of a Grim Reaper.

Honestly, she would never understand how his brain worked, how his varied interests came together.

"I was expecting Tolstoy. I've never heard this story." Mara croaked, her mouth dry. Someone had been thoughtful enough to put chapstick on her lips when she was out, and she was grateful.

"It's by Christopher Moore, he's genius. How do you feel?"

"Tired. Hurt. But I've had worse. How long was I asleep?"

His hand stroked her hair, his voice a relieved sigh as he answered. "Only a few hours this time. Getting you to take the fever reducer helped, I think. Do you think you can take another dose?"

"Yeah, I can do whatever I need to. Thank you for staying with me, Duke."

"Nowhere else I'd rather be." He pulled her up a little, putting two pills in her mouth and holding the water to her lips so she could swallow them.

She heard the patter of rain still and glanced at him, worried. "Is this weather safe or do you need me to stop the rain?"

"It's not flooding or anything. They're blaming El Nino or La Nina or something. Don't strain yourself."

"Controlling weather isn't usually a strain, Duke. But if it's not hurting anyone, I'll leave it. It's daytime now?"

"About noon."

"You should probably call Dwight or whoever needs to talk to me. I don't want him having to wait to do- whatever the hell he does- because of me."

"Mara, you've been so sick..."

"You said yourself I only slept for a few hours this time, and it was just sleep. Park me on the couch. I really want to be done with my mother, with everything about her."

He looked speculative. "If I say yes, will you eat?"

Oh, food. She hadn't woken up nauseated this time, and she was feeling the hunger pains. "Yes, I'll eat. I'd probably eat raw wildebeest right now, I'm so  _hungry._ "

"Fine, deal. But if the fever starts getting high again, the interview is over."

"Whatever makes you happy, Duke."

"And I get to carry you."

She closed her eyes, chuckling quietly. "Fine. Help a girl up?"

His smile made the lines on the edges of his eyes crinkle, and he hopped up, lifting her like she was made of glass, no heavier than a bag of flour. She rested her head against his shoulder as he brought her out of the bedroom, Nathan and Audrey jumping up from their seats when they came out.

"Hi guys."

"Mara, are you okay? Should you be up?" Audrey was already reaching to feel her forehead.

"I'm okay. I just took some Tylenol. Dwight needs to talk to me and I promised Duke I'd eat. I'm allowed to sit on the couch." Duke settled her on the sofa and she pulled his sweater tighter around her. Audrey fussed, setting a blanket over Mara's legs, but Mara couldn't help but smile, squeezing Audrey's hand briefly.

"I'll call Dwight then." Audrey took her phone to the corner to talk quietly with Dwight, leaving Mara alone with Nathan.

There was a moment of tense hesitation, and then they both started talking at once. They stopped and Mara chuckled a little. "I'll go first. I want to thank you for staying here for them, and for helping me. I'm really, really sorry I messed up your week." She bit her lip, suddenly understanding why he'd stayed- because he'd left her in a bad situation once. He was trying to make amends.

Mara was already sick and weak, and she couldn't keep the waver from her voice. "You didn't have to stay. I was okay. I, uh... wasn't alone." She looked away, swallowing hard. She couldn't keep so much hate in her for someone who had just  _screwed up_. He hadn't hurt her on purpose. He'd loved Audrey, and there had been no way for him to know their situation, that Audrey wasn't the original, the owner of the body. He couldn't know what she was. He thought he was loving Audrey, not hurting Mara.

She had to forgive him.

"Mara, I-"

"No, listen, please." She closed her eyes. "This week you knew I wasn't Audrey and I was in trouble, and you tried to do right by me. You wouldn't have known I wasn't Audrey back then, and I was-  _wrong_ \- to blame you.

"I loved James, and for a long time I loved you. It doesn't matter that I was alone for him. I couldn't have loved him any more if you  _had_  been with me. Giving him up was the hardest thing I ever did, but he-" a tear slid from her eyes. "He was an amazing person and he was so happy with the Cogan's. Even knowing what I know now, that you were looking for Audrey, I wouldn't change it. I'm sorry for taking my self-loathing out on you. I meant it when I said I wanted to start over with you, but I realized I couldn't do that and hold on to the anger at the same time."

There was utter silence. Duke had frozen at the stove and Audrey was holding her breath across the room. They'd obviously heard her. Mara was mortified, but there was no sense in healing Nathan's Trouble if she left him hanging, hurting emotionally.

Mara was so tired of hurting people. Accidentally or on purpose- she couldn't take it anymore.

When she finally exhaled, chancing a glance at Nathan, he was wiping his eyes, too.

"Thank you, Mara. That means a lot to me. I'm sorry I didn't understand sooner. I never intended to hurt anyone- not you  _or_  Audrey. I hated seeing you so sick, not being able to do anything. I didn't understand until I saw how badly you were suffering. It made me think about a lot of things, things I thought I understood.

"Seeing you and Audrey side by side, you sick and screaming and afraid... the hallucinations you were having, all I could think about was how I'd left you alone, and that just because I'd known about James, it didn't mean you didn't have to live every second of it. That just because  _I'd_  skipped that whole part didn't mean you had. Knowing something logically wasn't the same as feeling it or really understanding it. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Can I ask you something without seeming inappropriate, that you can say no to?"

"Of course you can."

The words were barely a whisper. "Can I have a hug?"

He stood immediately and came to her side, sitting and folding her in his arms. Mara hugged Nathan, crying silently into his shoulder. "Thank you. Thank you for trying to understand, and for your help. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Shh. It's going to be okay, Mara. We'll do better from now on."

Mara knew what a heart breaking felt like, but for the first time, she understood what mending an old wound felt like. It was just as painful, and she couldn't stop the tears. "I'm sorry for all the names I called you. I know that you're smart and that you're good. James was like you. I'm sorry I had to give him up, Nathan. If I could have stayed to take care of him, I would have. I'm sorry I couldn't save him. I wish you'd been able to know him better."

"Maybe once you're well, if you want to, we can talk about him. I don't want to set back your recovery. You and Duke are so much alike. I don't want to fight with either of you again."

"I don't want to fight either." Mara whispered next to his ear. "I understand Audrey better now, and I'm glad you're together. Please take care of her. She doesn't know how to ask when she needs help- neither of us do, but when she tries to push you away, pull her closer. It's just because she's scared. I want you both to be happy."

She let go, wiping her eyes with one hand, and reaching to wipe a stray tear off his cheek.

"Can you learn to forgive me, Mara?"

She pushed the sleeves of the Duke's sweater up, exposing her arms to him. "I already forgive you, Nathan."

When there was no flash and her skin stayed unmarked, his shoulders sagged, and he let out a shuddering sigh. Mara slumped too, the tension leaving her. The many years, all the anger and hurt she had been holding onto finally left her and she felt shaky in it's wake. She looked over at Audrey, motioning for her to come over.

When she was close enough, Mara reached to touch her hand. "I'm sorry. I needed to get that out. It was an anchor and I don't want to stay still, trapped in the same place anymore. I want to be able to move forward. I- I  _care_  about you both."

Audrey smiled a little, squeezing Mara's hand in her own. "I'm really, really glad you two finally talked. We were all operating under false assumptions. There's a lot for us to learn."

"I'd like to be friends." Her smile was small and sad. "I've never had friends before. But you guys helped me when you didn't have to, and I appreciate it. And thank you both for watching over Duke while I've been... sick."

Audrey reached for Mara's forehead. "You're still warm. You need to eat and drink and keep taking the Tylenol. How long do you think you'll be sick?"

"I wish I knew. If it had been the hundred or so I was expecting, it would be about 7-10 days. I'm in uncharted territory, I've never processed nearly this much. I don't think anyone has. I have to be a lot better before I try to process the rest. I don't know how Duke survived- don't know how  _I_  survived. But I'm going to be careful for awhile."

"I know  _I'd_  appreciate that." Duke smiled gently, handing Mara a bowl of thick soup. It smelled fantastic. "Lunch is on the stove, bowls on the counter, guys." He took Nathan's place at her side, one hand resting on her leg as she ate. Her body had gone without food for quite some time, and she was ravenous.

"Thank you so much, Duke. For the food and for taking care of me. For not being angry with me. For everything."

Duke lowered his voice so only she could hear him. "What you just did was amazing. I'm proud of you- not just for forgiving him, but for caring enough to think it through for yourself, too. You proved that you're serious about wanting things to be better, and you just gave him a huge gift. He really was shaken up by seeing you like that. I think before what you went through he only understood as an abstract concept. Seeing you really suffering made everything real for him. He wanted to stay just as much as Audrey."

Mara thought for a moment. "I think I hold onto anger so tightly because it was the only feeling that was purely  _mine_. The personalities, they got to make their happy memories and choose their partners and make their own decisions. I never had that luxury before. Now I do, and I don't- I don't want to poison it by holding onto old hurts and thinking the same way I did when I was a prisoner. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does. You're not the only one who gets stuck in an emotional rut. That's something we all need to work on."

"I never thought I'd have a chance to do that- by myself or with anyone. I had almost given up on the wish to be myself. It's one of the few things I really  _haven't_ had worse than. The need to just  _be yourself_  is so vital that people don't even think about. Existing as the person you are. Making me someone else... at first it felt almost like a joke. How was that so hard? Then I started losing people, and that hurt so much I started to see how the lives were bad.

"It was several cycles before I started really feeling the desperation to be myself. To tell the people I loved who I was, that I was more than just the casing I had been put in. Not long after that, it was madness, absolute mania."

Her eyes closed. Audrey and Nathan had come back as they'd spoken, and she addressed all of them. "I wanted to hear my name. Occasionally, in the Barn times, one of them would address me, but it was always negative. They said it like it was obscene. I wanted to hear my name said by someone I cared for  _so badly_  that it was worse than physical pain. It burned, it felt like I was drowning, and every time it got worse.

"Then I came this time, and for whatever reason- William comes here and says my name, pulls me up out of my cage and lets me have my body like he wants me to be free, and the look on his face as he fell through the doorway, he looked like he was  _happy to see me_ , like he was relieved."

She blinked and frowned. "After that, I was the adversary again, and I only heard my name said in anger or fear or sorrow. It's really very clever. Send me enough times to want to be myself, then let me be myself but everyone I love hates me- it's a very good form of torture. There is no pain that compares to the pain of truly despising yourself."

Mara shook her head, chuckling quietly. "Sorry. I don't mean to drag you into my problems. I don't usually talk so much. Don't usually have the opportunity. I'm just not feeling well, I don't mean to depress anyone."

Duke's hand tightened on her thigh. "Don't be sorry for talking.  _Never_  be sorry for being honest with any of us. You've been with us for a long time, but this is how  _we_  get to know  _you_. You kind of have us at a disadvantage, Mara."

"Duke's right." Audrey nodded. "Even the dreams I'm having, they show me so much, but knowing  _you_  is very different than knowing how you feel about yourself." She smiled as she said, "You give me grief about lying to myself, but you've got a very skewed view of yourself. You're harder on yourself than we could ever have been on you."

Audrey stood up to put her bowl in the sink, taking Nathan and Mara's on the way. She paused as she came back, bending to hug Mara and kiss her on the head. "I'm glad I get to know you. Being a part of you is very different than being a part of your life."

Mara hugged her back, sighing. There was nothing she could think to say, she was literally lost for words. Just before she let go, Mara whispered, "I'm glad you chose Nathan. For both our sake's. And I'm glad James got to meet you."

There was a knock at the door and Mara was relieved. She wanted them to heal, to be the people she knew they could be, but the journey was still draining. Change took time.

Duke led Dwight in, and as Duke sat, Dwight shook Mara's hand. "Thanks for agreeing to see me, I'm sorry you've been sick."

"Thank you. I'm sorry you got caught up in this."

Dwight sat, shaking his head. "It's not your fault. Everything in Haven has a risk. People tried to warn me, and I chose to ignore them."

"No, please listen to me. My mother- she's never relied on sheer strength, she relies on her brain to get through life and she's had  _millennia_  to learn how to manipulate people. She caught you off-guard and once she decided she needed you, she'd have done anything to manipulate you into being with her even if you hadn't been interested in her. You couldn't have known, and you can't blame yourself. I'm just grateful you know about her now and that you were willing to do something about it."

"We're trying to decide what to do with her now. I wanted to get your opinion about it. Can you tell me anything about the laws on your- your world?" Dwight looked uncomfortable with the idea of people coming from another world.

People eating other people? Totally understandable. People from alternate worlds? Bizarre and unimaginable. Mara had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing.

This was her town.

She took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "The laws could have changed since I was there last, but illegal experimentation itself has a punishment of lifetime imprisonment. The other things she did, some are legally ambiguous- I was falsely convicted, but I was still legally a prisoner. Experimenting on me, letting William- letting William do what he did to me, even killing the baby to further her research..." Mara covered her mouth, suddenly wishing she hadn't eaten. Duke rested his hand on the back of her neck under her hair in a silent show of support. Mara took a moment before she continued.

"Experimenting on me was technically legal, interfering with your population was not. There's enough information, enough evidence recorded and witnesses to overturn my conviction, but I recommend not involving anyone from there. It's much safer to keep things in your own system. You don't want to draw the attention of any more of my people."

Dwight grimaced. "Sorry, Mara. I didn't mean to make you feel worse."

"No, it's fine. I'm fine." She made a face as the Oath pointed out the lie to the others and Duke caught his breath, but Dwight didn't seem to notice their reactions. Mara sighed. "If you keep her incarcerated, you run the constant risk of her tricking someone into letting her out, and if she gets someone to help her, she could conceivably make another William."

"Are you suggesting..."

"No, Dwight, I'm not expecting you to execute her. This isn't my world or government, and I wouldn't put that on you. There might be another, more secure way, though."

"Whatever suggestions you have, I'm listening." Dwight said earnestly. Mara pitied him for having to manage this situation.

"I could put her in Aether-stasis, it's a kind of medically induced coma or I could create Aetherling guards. Momma is unable to control Aether, it can't be manipulated by psychological games. It doesn't age or forget or die. She hurt the Aether every time she had William alter a gift, it was a slave as much as I was. It could get justice, where others, like me, would be more motivated by revenge."

"You can do that? Make people?" Dwight had the typical New England stoicism, but his eyes widened perceptibly.

"I can give Aether human form, yes. It's not exactly like creating people; it thinks and feels, knows right from wrong, but it's not exactly like the rest of us. It's the essence of life, the thing that touched barren rocks and made them sprout grass, that made life on both our worlds. It understands more than we do and it sees farther. What she and William forced the Aether to do was more of a crime in my mind than what they did to me. I'm completely willing to form as many guards as you need, so they can all get a chance and so they can rest, to show it respect, but it's your world, it's your decision.

"Whatever you decide, I would like to formally request sanctuary here. You know I wasn't born here, and that makes me an outsider. You have the right to send me away. I have a responsibility to Haven though, and I'd like to see it through. I would like permission to stay."

Her stomach sat heavy and uncomfortable as they all looked around at each other. She had surprised them. She hadn't  _had_  to ask, but these people had been hurt and taken advantage of by her people, and she wanted to offer a show of respect, and of gratitude; a sign that she really was trying.

"You don't have to ask that, Mara." Nathan finally replied.

"No, I do. I adopted this world- this town- but you didn't have the choice to take me in. It's only right that I honor your autonomy. Even if you send me back, I'll do my best to protect you, but it's your choice if I stay."

She was calm, putting on a brave front, but she was terrified. If they chose to send her home, whether or not they kept Charlotte as a prisoner, she would have to undergo a full exoneration, which could take a very long time, and she had nobody there anymore. When her father hadn't spoken on her behalf when she was first charged, when nobody had come for her after first 50 and then 100 years, she had resigned herself to being alone. She wondered with a dull ache if her baby had been given a grave. Snatched away so very close to life.

Knowing Charlotte, Mara very much doubted it.

"Of course you can stay. I'm sorry for everything that happened, everything we believed about you. You belong here as much as any of us, Mara," Dwight reached out to put a hand over hers and she closed her eyes, relieved. "I'll talk to Vince and the rest of the Guard, but I think your idea of Aether-guards is probably the safest idea I've heard yet."

"I don't know if William can get back. He's able to travel the Void, and if the denizens there didn't get him, he could technically find a way back. If you need, I can draw pictures of him so you can make sure everyone knows who to look for. He  _is_  still bound to me, so I'd appreciate if you didn't shoot on sight, but he's a danger to anyone with Troubles in their family.

"When I'm well, we'll need to talk about curing the Troubles. We can do it, now. Just not while I'm so ill."

"I'll make sure everyone is notified and is being safe. Pictures would help, so thank you for that. We can wait to spread the news about the Troubles- don't want them beating down your door while you're so sick. How are you feeling, by the way?"

"The last few days have been hard- worse on them than on me, but it's going to take some time to heal. I was just thinking I should probably take more of the fever reducer. It keeps going back up- it's normal for the illness. I'd just like to get it headed back down before I start hallucinating again. If people do drugs for that, I don't think I have any interest in drugs."

Duke already had the tablets in his hand, and he felt her forehead as he handed them over. "Yeah, damned fever is going back up. I'm afraid the interview is over for right now, Dwight. I told her only as long as the fever stayed down. She's got to rest."

"I've got what I need for right now. It's important that you focus on getting well right now, Mara. Let them take care of you. I'll be in touch, and I can leave messages with Duke if you're resting. If you want to talk to me about anything, call any of the numbers on this card- I put my home and personal cell phone on too. You can call me anytime, day or night.

"What you did, Mara- it was really brave. Thank you. I'm sorry about everything."

"No, Dwight. You're a good person, and she's an expert manipulator. Please don't blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. I trust you, I believe in you." She blinked, trying to cover a yawn. "I'm sorry. I just- don't let her turn your heart. Better to be open and hopeful than closed off and angry. Trust me."

Dwight kissed the top of her head. "Thank you, Mara. Get some rest. I'll see myself out, you guys relax."

Mara was already half asleep, head resting on Duke's shoulder. "Mara, do you want to rest out here or lie down?"

"Mm. Comfortable here. You visit. Maybe read more later?"

All three of them chuckled quietly. "Whatever you want, Mara." Duke pulled her against him so they were laying together on the couch, and she fell asleep listening to his heart.


	13. Love Lies Bleeding

The sun was shining against her skin and even in the brisk weather, she was sweating. He shivered every time she touched him, his eyes rolling. They let the breeze play over them and the sun shine on them as they moved together.

She was enthralled by him. The silken skin, the scars- he was a mosaic of marks and scars, a creature of such beauty- but he acted as though she was the only thing in the world, the only thing that he wanted to feel. His attentiveness made her feel like her skin was burning. Her lips and fingers touched every inch of him.

She wasn't a prude, but she  _was_  a lady, and this behavior was so unlike her- he had disarmed her completely. The way he looked at her, the deep, knowing look that make her feel like he knew her soul... she felt like she knew his, too. She was certain, completely convinced that there was nothing in the world that she should be doing in this  _time_  they had than touching him. She trusted him completely, as though she'd known him for decades. She felt giddy, not afraid of people passing by as she pulled his shirt open. She wanted to touch and taste and smell.

She pulled her dress off, somehow unafraid, any shyness burned away by this stranger who seemed so familiar. She wrapped her legs up around his hips, murmuring against his ear between kisses. "Please. I'm a grown woman and I want you. This is our time."

He was staring into her eyes, as though he were looking for something. "Are you sure? I don't want to break your faith."

Her eyes were examining him, she raised her hips a little, pressing against him. "When you look at me, I feel like you're seeing more than everyone else. That you understand me. You never know how long you have. Right now, we have time and  _I want you_."

The look on his face as he caught his breath- so brooding and serious but still full of  _want_  made her breath come faster, and then his mouth was against hers again, and he shifted a little, pressing into her. It was the strangest feeling, like her heart or some unknown piece deep inside of her was reaching for him, that she was embracing him with more than just her arms and legs. She felt like she'd been turned inside-out, the parts of her that never felt the sun or saw the light were holding him close, begging him to  _stay._

He had one arm wrapped around her, but his other elbow was pressed next to her shoulder, caressing her face and running his fingers through her hair. He made her feel beautiful- had since that first blushing compliment- but that sweet stammer and blush hid a man made of steel. She could feel it in the planes of his body and see it in his eyes. Those strong, capable hands were touching her like she was a work of art, running all along her body.

He brushed a lock of hair from her face as he thrust again and her back arched as she gasped. He kissed her like he'd been waiting for her forever. Soft yet calloused fingers stroked gently over her face and lips, over her throat, where he pressed a kiss to her birthmark, making her utter a hushed groan.

He took his time, touching her everywhere just as she touched him; but she wasn't as cautious. She was strong, capable of defending herself, but she felt free and wanted and truly  _happy_ , a feeling she wasn't used to. Everything was work, life and death always hanging in the balance. Here, she just got to exist, bare flesh pressed against the beautiful man on top of her, and for the first time in her life, she actually wanted to  _stay_. If this was what life could be, this delightful torture of his body inside her, of someone who wasn't afraid of strange or weird; who actually seemed to  _embrace_  it, then this was what she was looking for.

She could make a home here, in this town where weird was expected. She could make a difference.

Their kisses were frantic, but the way he moved inside her, the way he held her; that felt like eternity. Like he was trying to explain something to her, something huge and strange and life-altering. She squeezed her legs tighter around him, begging him to tell her more.

He growled low in his throat, pushing into her with renewed vigor. Yet no matter how hard he thrust, he never hurt her. In fact she wanted more, pushing her hips up to meet him. He kissed her deeply, his free hand moving to cup her breast and she was gasping, her body clenched tight around him.

He moved a little more slowly as she rode the climax out, his hips swiveling as she cried out. "That's right, baby. Let me hear you. Your voice is so beautiful.  _You're beautiful_." He was murmuring against her lips as she pressed her fingers to his back.

He was so  _strong_. So much stronger than she would have guessed from his wiry build. She rubbed her cheek against the stubble on his face, whispering, "Tell me what you like, what you want."

"I want  _you_." He thrust hard again and her eyes fell closed, mouth open. It was less than a second before his tongue was in her mouth, and still he tasted divine. Vanilla, cinnamon and something she couldn't place. Didn't really have the focus to think it out, either. They rocked together and she held him tightly, every possible inch of her skin touching his.

The way he touched her, it was like she was the only thing in the world he could feel, and it made her feel treasured and special, proud and amazing. A man like this, he could have any girl on the street, and yet he'd pursued her, listened to her and chosen to spend time with her. Being surrounded by men, she had more than her share of attention from the opposite sex, but most had been run off with a stern look, uninterested when they realized she wasn't some brainless floozy like half the women out there.

But him, it had only attracted him  _more_. And now here they were, making love under the sun, both trying to give each other the world.

His jaw clenched and he pushed harder, treating her like an equal, not some breakable china doll, and she couldn't catch her breath- it was like the air was unnecessary, that he was all she wanted. This amazing, mysterious man who was so beautiful to her that he made her heart thud erratically. Her back arched, entire body taut with strain, and he kissed her again, inhaling her ragged cries, watching her intently.

She brought her hands to his face, tracing her lips over his. "I need you, Please, I want to feel you. It's okay, I trust you."

His mouth fell open, eyes rolled back in ecstasy as he pressed harder, his free hand stroking down her body and pulling her leg higher up on his hip as he loosed a low groan, thrusting faster, over and over like he'd been waiting for years and not the small amount of time since they'd met. She wanted this, wanted  _him_ , and she whispered his name as she came around him again, feeling so close to him, yet not close enough. She desperately wanted more of him. She wanted a thousand nights and afternoons like this, bare and together like she was the only thing in his world.

Like he  _loved_  her.

She kept her arms and legs wrapped around him as long as she could, though it wasn't nearly long enough for her. She wanted to sleep in his arms, to make him breakfast. She wanted to sit in his lap and look through the newspaper with him. For the first time since she could remember, she wanted to share herself with a man- her whole self, not just the pretty face. A beautiful future-fantasy zoomed through her mind; dates, more picnics. She imagined making love to him in the rain, how beautiful he would look asleep.

She even imagined things she'd never really considered a part of her future; proposals, maybe a small wedding. Silly, girly daydreams she had never been interested in before. She imagined carrying his children, how he would look holding their babies in his arms. Things she would never ever consider with any of the boorish, typical men she'd dated in the past. Like a switch had been flipped inside her, she felt like a whole different woman, someone she barely recognized.

Just before he slid from her body, she touched his face, one hand squeezing the back of his neck.

"Could you ever love a girl like me, Nathan?" The question was soft, and she brushed her fingers over his lips and he kissed them.

"Sarah, I think I've loved you from the minute I first laid eyes on you."

* * *

 

Mara woke with a gasp, heart thudding and tears already leaking from her eyes. She was still curled in a ball on the couch, but she wasn't sure where Duke was. Anxious, she glanced over to see Audrey and Nathan. Audrey was awake, but Nathan was asleep. She wiped her eyes furiously, trying to get herself under control and fighting desperately not to look at Nathan. She was trembling, she noticed.

"Where's Duke?" Mara whispered to Audrey. She was terrified that she'd accidentally talked in her sleep again.

"He went to the store to get some groceries and more Tylenol." Audrey's voice was gentle and calm, obviously trying not to wake Nathan, but the expression on her face was inscrutable. "Do you want to tell me about your dream? You seemed so peaceful and happy, but you're crying."

Mara blushed crimson. "Just an old memory. Did I... talk in my sleep? I guess I do that sometimes."

Audrey smiled faintly. "No, you didn't. But I can't help but wonder what kind of dream could make you look so very happy and then wake crying."

Mara looked away, embarrassed. "It's not a fun story, just a memory that I saw differently than anyone else involved, and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Between the illness and so much on my mind, it all jumbled up and just... happened. Sorry."

She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to calm down. How embarrassing. At least she hadn't talked. Her eyes gravitated to Nathan, finally really seeing how he looked when he was asleep next to the woman he loved. He was as beautiful as she had imagined, and it made her ache.

Audrey cocked her head. "Was it about Nathan?"

Emotionally raw and vulnerable, Mara didn't think before she said, "No."

The light flashed and her arm sliced open, closing again. "Sorry. I'm still... yeah, it was about him. I'm sorry, Audrey."

Audrey gave her the look she generally reserved for when she was trying not to roll her eyes. "Please talk to me, Mara. I won't be upset."

Mara took a deep breath, pulling her legs up so she could hug her knees to her chest. "I dreamed about when I met Nathan. When James was conceived. You know I'm in love with Duke, it's just... especially in dreams, it's hard to put everything into perspective. Like I said, more of a memory than a dream.

"I spent so long believing I was in love with him, that he loved me. I can't even describe the pain of knowing it was all about you, but that's not your fault. Or his. I just need time to get over this malfunction. I know that technically I never could have been in love with him- you can't be really in love with someone unless they love you back. But for a long time, I believed he was the only one who saw me, and that he cared about me." She shook her head and laughed bitterly.

"One of the reasons I wanted to stay in Haven was because of him. Do you have any idea how rare it was for a woman of my background, in the fifties, to have a child out of wedlock? Especially in a small town, and that I got pregnant my very first week here? Men thought I was a slut, women shunned me. There would be nasty letters or propositions in my mail box several times a month- several times a week, even. There was a tavern here back then, and the bartender actually nicknamed a drink 'The Vernon'. Said it went down easy. Half the reason Vince's wife left him is because he defended me, and that made some people think  _he_  was the father."

She pressed her forehead against her knees, making herself smaller. "It's stupid, and people now laugh about how uptight things were then, but it's harder to actually have lived through them. It was just a dream. I'm embarrassed. I'm not trying to be inappropriate or anything. I can't get rid of the  _memories_. You remember everything from the time you started. I remember every lifetime. Every single one. And it took me this long to get to the point where I was desperate and...  _vulnerable_ enough to try to cling onto that kind of- I don't know what to call it. Not love, obviously. I'm not the kind of person a man like him would ever love. Emotion. I hate that I got stupid."

Audrey moved to sit next to Mara, stroking her hair. "Having feelings and wanting to be loved isn't stupid, Mara. It's natural. You were in a terrible position. I wish you weren't so hard on yourself."

"No." Mara shook her head but leaned into Audrey's hand. "I wish I wasn't so hard on  _Nathan_. I don't want to be angry, I didn't want to hate him- and I swear I didn't hate him until he said the words that negated what he told me when I was Sarah. I forgive him. But I already trust so few people, and feeling like- like I was't even a consolation prize, just a disposable stand-in, it burned. I keep expecting my skin to bubble up and blister, but the damage only shows inside me, where none of you can see. So I look like I'm this monster, having a glorious time at the expense of everyone around me. All because I was born different. Because of an ability I probably wouldn't have thought to ever use on people if my damned mother wasn't hurting them!"

She was still sick and weak, but the angry, nervous,  _sad_  energy pushed her up off the couch, pacing slowly with her arms around herself. "I wasn't garbage, Audrey. I wasn't disposable. I cared about people, I wanted to save the world. Every wounded veteran, every Troubled person I would go on to meet. And I was so  _happy_  when I realized I was pregnant. I knew I couldn't get him back, but carrying his child-" the tears flowed faster now- "I felt like that baby proved that he  _did_  love me, that he might be far away, but he'd left part of his heart with me. But it was never me. It was you.

"Sometimes I think that's why James didn't make it. Because Nathan never really left anything with me besides some DNA, because his heart belonged to you. Then I feel guilty that James was born to the wrong mother. Maybe if he'd been yours, he could have lived a full life. You wouldn't have had to give him to strangers." Her body was too weak, she couldn't pace anymore. Instead, she stood in the middle of the room, hugging herself as tears rolled down her face.

"One of the worst parts, Audrey, is that I love Duke so much and I never want him to feel like he's some second choice. He's young and brilliant and beautiful and I'm... I don't age, but in your terms, I'm old and used and dented. Duke deserves so much better, but I'm too selfish to let go. As fucked up as I am, I still don't trust anyone else to love him the way he deserves to be loved."

Her eyes strayed to Nathan as Audrey patiently waited her out. "Since that one day, I dreamed about what he would look like asleep. He really is beautiful, especially asleep, with that little smile around his mouth. Do you know why I treated him so badly?"

When Audrey shook her head, Mara continued. "Because I loved him so much, but the moment I was able to see him with my own eyes and move my own hands, he  _despised_  me. There was no 'break up' or fight, it was just what seemed like pure love and then he looked at me and talked to me like I was a parasite. No adjustment at all. Can you imagine? You know how much he loves you. Now pretend he wakes up from this little nap and hates you, blames you for displacing the person he thinks owns your body. You fought with him once and were angry that he had the luxury of knowing who he was, that he was one person."

She laughed bitterly. "Now imagine he decided Lexie was the only one with the right to your body. Can't imagine, can you? Because it was always about you, Audrey. I'm amazed he even said the correct name back then. You'd stop being 'beautiful, amazing Audrey' and you'd suddenly be 'a pathetic, evil reminder of what he lost'.  _That's_  why I shot him. Because it felt like he had shot me. And no matter what anyone thinks, it wasn't your influence that kept me from shooting him again, from killing him. It was my own weakness. Because  _I still thought I loved him_. I was glad when he hit me, I'd have rather taken a full-on beating than hearing the way he talked to me and seeing the look on his face."

Mara finally fell silent, wiping at her eyes while keeping her other arm around herself. She just stood in the middle of the room, staring at the floor.

Audrey approached her slowly, a little surprised when Mara let her hug her. "It's okay to feel that way, Mara. You're unique- nobody else has lived so many different lives, none of us has your history. I have some of your memories, but it's distinct what was yours and what's mine. We don't have the experience to truly understand what you've gone through. I had a single day in Haven where everything was backwards and wrong, and the fear when I found out I wasn't just me, but the short amount of time where I was buried underneath you was a nightmare. Yet you did it for over 500 years.

"The sheer strength that it's taken for you to still be here- standing even, while you're so sick- it baffles me. The idea of our roles being reversed, of me being in your position, it scares the hell out of me. I don't know if I actually could have made it through a single full Barn cycle, knowing what you went through. I was an emotional wreck after Arla kidnapped me. Now I wonder how much of my 'recovery' was just you, acting like it was business as usual. I'd rather be a part of your life, your friend, instead of being inside you- we both deserve that freedom- but sometimes I worry that I won't be as strong as you've been."

"It's not strength, Audrey. More like acceptance. Duke doesn't like when I say it, but if I expect the worst, anything else is a pleasant surprise. Right now, I'm still in shock. I keep expecting Dwight to call and either say Momma got away or he wants me to get the hell off your world. Maybe he still would if I wasn't the one with the knowledge to end the Troubles. It's Duke's gift, and at some point they'll all understand that you can take my place in that process. I believe Dwight is a good man, but right now he feels sad and guilty. When he gets over those emotions, I may still be told to leave."

Audrey hugged Mara again, and after a moment, Mara put her arms around Audrey, hugging her back and crying like a lost child or a girl with a broken heart.

In most ways, she was both.

"I love you, Audrey. I'm afraid of you and I'm sorry I was cruel, but I do love you." There was no light, no cuts, and Audrey hugged her harder.

"You have a home here, people who want you around. Me and Duke, Nathan and Gloria- I think you'll be surprised when you find how many friends you're going to make."

Neither of them noticed Duke leaning against the doorway watching them until he came forward, wrapping his arms around them both. "She's definitely right about that. While I was at the store, hand to god, six people asked me about you. It seems like the whole town is talking about Detective Parker's lost twin. People want to see you."

Filled with guilt, Mara looked up at Duke apologetically. "I had a sex dream about Nathan and I'm sorry. I didn't actually do anything, obviously, but I've never had a normal relationship and I feel like I was adulterous. Can you forgive me?" Her words were rushed and she wrapped one arm tightly around Duke, fisting her hand in his shirt.

Duke tightened his arms around both women, laughing. "If dreams count as sleeping with people, I might be the worst of all of you- even with centuries of a head start, Mara. I've had sex dreams about everyone on this boat, and that's just within the last week. Tell me, do you want to come home with me at the end of the day?"

"Of course I do. You know that."

"Then you have my blessing to dream about sex with anyone. They're dreams, Mara. You're not running around sleeping with everyone you see. The worst is when you have one of those dreams about someone you would never, ever really sleep with. I dreamed about having sex with the Rev once, can you imagine? And not like repressed-memory type, I mean like adult, mutual consent sex. I've had a sex dream about Gloria. Trust me, everyone has those dreams, and they're always kind of difficult to get over. It would be more unusual  _not_  to have those kinds of dreams. Is that really all you're panicking about?"

"I... wow, you and Gloria. Huh. But what I mean is, it was more of a memory than a dream and I feel guilty and... stupid. Stupid. And so embarrassed. I'm sorry, Duke."

"Don't be, beautiful. We've talked, you know what we have in common. It doesn't bother me."

Mara thought for a moment. "Isn't it funny? Nathan's the most 'reliable, respectable' of all of us, and yet he's had sex with everyone on this ship. This world is so backwards sometimes."

Audrey and Duke laughed, and Mara feared they'd wake Nathan. She was utterly mortified when he spoke without opening his eyes. "Least I never slept with the Rev."

She froze, rooted to the spot as Duke simply snarked back. "I  _dreamed_  about it, I didn't actually do it, Nate. There's a difference and you know it."

"I think I'm going to go lie down. You guys have a fun fight." She used her best 'bored' voice, but she was in rough shape, and even to her it sounded a little hysterical.

"Mara-" Audrey started to speak, and Mara interrupted with a strained smile.

"I'm trying to get well, we have lots of things to do, can't really do that until I'm well. Orbs to process, people to cure..." Mara was already backing toward the bedroom, gesturing with her hands the way Audrey did when she was uncomfortable. She backed into the doorframe, banging her hip and shoulder. "Ow! Damn, I hate when I do that." She spun, retreating to the safety of the bed, pulling blankets up around her.

Okay. It was fine. She needed to calm down. How much could he have really heard, anyway? Yes, he'd probably been listening when she apologized to Duke, but would he have feigned sleep through her whole talk with Audrey? Had he heard Mara gushing over him like a stupid, love-struck teenager? Probably not. Maybe not.

But his voice had sounded pretty damn alert when he had spoken. And he was teasing Duke. He'd obviously been awake for awhile, but  _how long_?

There was a knock at the bedroom door, and she pulled the covers up farther, calling out, "Come in, I'm decent."

Nathan opened the door, her water bottle in one hand and the Tylenol in the other. "You forgot your water and it's time to take more medicine. Duke is cooking. Did you hurt yourself on the door frame?" He strode into the room, picking up the thermometer as he passed the bed.

"I'm fi-uh, sorry. I mean it'll leave a bruise, but I bruise easily right now. No broken bones, no blood."

"Well, we should take your temperature. It's one of the 'in-the ear' thermometers, so just relax."

She was quiet as he put the thermometer in her ear, waiting for the little beep. She couldn't even look at him without blushing, and the feeling irritated her. She wasn't some hormonal teenager and they were adults. It was just a memory. She couldn't even say it was 'over' between them, because there had technically never been a real relationship to end. She had pined for him, but she'd never been anything but a novelty for him, a practice run for when he made his move with Audrey. They had made up, everything was fine. She had nothing to be embarrassed about.

"102.6, time for the pills." He sat on the edge of the bed, opening the bottle and shaking out two capsules that he handed her with her water. "You know, it's kind of hard to adjust to being able to feel things. I got so used to working around that handicap, it's like having to relearn everything again."

"Are you alright, though? I mean, are you in any pain? You had a lot of injuries you didn't notice that didn't heal right. Plus the original ailment that required the Aether to numb the pain. Do you hurt?"

He smiled softly, laughing under his breath. "Even the little aches and pains are kind of novel for me. But I don't hurt from anything that wasn't just an injury. No sign of whatever it was that you healed originally."

"But you  _are_  hurting, then. Here, can I touch you?"

He smiled the sweet, disarming smile that had gotten her the first time. She felt the blush rising in her cheeks.

"Sure, you can touch me. What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to give you your Trouble back. Kidding, kidding. I just want to check you for improperly healed injuries." She sat up farther, reaching to press her hands to his arms and letting the Aether flow between them, into his body and around, searching out weak spots, defects or badly set fractures. His poor body had really taken a lot of abuse when he couldn't feel. Even his arm, that doctors had repaired when he'd broken it sledding had healed slightly out of place.

She let some of the excess Aether she still hadn't processed out, pouring into him to repair the bone and tissue damage, to soothe the nerves that had been rubbed raw. In her less than ideal state, it gave her the same euphoria as giving a Gift, and she let it relax her, swaying just slightly as she repaired the damage to his body. Some scars faded a bit, others disappearing almost entirely. When the job was done, she patted his arm, relaxing back against the pillows.

Staring at her curiously, Nathan stretched his limbs, twisting to check his torso. "You fixed me- again. It feels different. Was there a lot wrong?"

She shrugged. "When you can't feel, you aren't cautious about taking care of things that are injured. That makes them heal wrong, sometimes. Between that and your gait, being on your feet so much, there was some bone and nerve damage. I expected it, honestly. Like you said, you have to relearn things, because the way you moved and the things you did that were hard on your body caused scarring and since you couldn't feel them, you just kept going.

"I told you before, I used to be a healer. So I fixed it. You need to really enjoy having your body back to normal, the way it was before your Trouble activated. Well, the way it was when you were born, I guess. You had a lot of injuries from before, too."

Oops, she was rambling again. The euphoria had relaxed her perhaps a little too much. She pressed her lips together, smiling to hide her discomfort as she pulled the blanket higher.

"When you say 'before', do you mean from when I was a little kid? I've wondered about that a lot since I found out my dad wasn't... biologically related."

He just wanted answers. She understood that desire. He wanted to know about his childhood, and there was nobody left for him to ask but her. She owed him. It would be wrong to withhold information that he wanted, that was about  _him_.

"Yeah, Nathan. From when you were little. Whatever you want to know, I'll tell you. But you should understand, some things it's better not to have to remember. I don't doubt you can handle the knowledge, but I don't think you should try to unlock the memories, okay? It's harder to distance yourself from it when you actually remember. What do you want to know?"

"Everything. What happened to my mom, how my Dad got involved. Just everything."

"You know the basics- Max Hansen was abusive. He hurt your mom, he hurt  _you_. Your mom, when you were about 4, finally got scared enough to ask for help. He'd been beating her for years, and hitting you, but as you got older, he got meaner, more determined to make you what he considered 'strong'. She didn't know everything he had done to you, but one day- it was a Wednesday, and she had gone on a job interview- she came home and saw him hurting you.

"He beat her up, knocked her out. Then he beat the hell out of you because he was mad he'd gotten caught. You know guys like that, they never take responsibility for their own misdeeds. When she came to, Max was passed out drunk. She grabbed you and ran for the police station.

"Garland was the cop who caught the case, and he liked your mom from the second he saw her. You were admitted to the hospital, and Garland brought her to see you. He sat with her and cried over you. He adored you, and was so afraid for you. So he made it his mission to put Hansen away, and he did- you've read that report. He married her, changed your name and never looked back."

Mara frowned a little, touching his arm again. "He really, truly loved you, Nathan. He let his fear for you get in the way sometimes, and he hated knowing that eventually he'd have to leave the burden of this town on your shoulders. So he was gruff and pushy. He was afraid you'd remember and regress, you didn't speak for so long after he met you. But he adored you. Even when your mom passed, there was never a question for him- you were his son and you belonged with him. So he did the best he could."

Nathan's eyes were red-rimmed, and he put his hand over where hers rested on his arm. "Do you think he regretted it? Getting personally involved, taking me in?"

Her voice was sharp and emphatic. " _Never_. He loved you from the moment he saw you, and you made him so proud. He couldn't have loved you any more if you  _had_  been his biologically. Never, ever doubt that. He had a terrible time showing it, but he loved you completely from day one. I swear it Nathan, and you'd know if I lied."

He smiled at Mara and she smiled back, hands still touching. Maybe they could do this- be friends. She still had a lot to learn about trusting people, but she was learning. He'd gone to bat for her and stuck around when she needed help. She shook her head as a small laugh escaped her. "You're a decent guy, Wuornos."

"You're pretty decent yourself, Mara. Get some rest." he stood up, pulling the blankets up around her. He leaned in a little to whisper, "I've had dreams about you, too. And I'm learning the difference between you and Audrey. No one is kicking you off this world. Everything is fine."

He smiled a little as she blushed, leaving the door cracked behind him.


	14. Death and Taxes

They hadn't lied; Mara had received a steady stream of visitors. The fever stayed manageable, and the other withdrawal symptoms she took one by one. Duke insisted on holding her hair and rubbing her back and she wondered occasionally if he was borrowing the Sarah personality matrix, just a little.

He was kind of a mother hen.

Vince and Dave came the first day, a few hours after Dwight left. Duke frowned darkly, but Mara insisted on coming out to visit, reminding him that she'd already taken the fever reducer and was going to be sitting the whole time. But still, he sat with his arm around her, trying to be stealthy about checking her temperature; brushing her hair out of her face, touching her neck.

He wasn't nearly as sneaky as his reputation indicated.

Vince and Dave sat, and as Nathan was passing behind them, he snatched a recorder out of Vince's shirt pocket and took his notepad.

"Off the record. She's sick."

Vince looked like someone had stolen his candy and Mara had to squeeze Duke's leg to keep from laughing.

Mara looked at them for a moment, waiting to see what they would start with.

Vince gave her a searching look. "What do you remember?"

Mara smiled faintly. "More than you'd like, certainly."

Dave sat forward eagerly. "Do you remember all the lives, Mara?"

"All 19. Well, 18 and 1/2, since Lexie never really took. But all 19 plus my own."

"Do you still feel them like your own memories, or are they... fake now?"

Her expression turned sweet as she looked at Dave, her voice gentle. "Of course they're not fake. They were never fake. They're all just different parts of my overall life. The actual love, the emotions- those have always been me. My mother is very smart, but she can't create a soul. Until Audrey, I was that soul. Even for a little while after Audrey came here. Then we started to diverge, and she became a different person. But nothing has ever been fake."

She held up her finger at Vince before he could speak. "Yes, I remember, no, we will not talk about it and it's not the same thing, you filthy, filthy man."

Everyone looked confused but Vince laughed, slapping his knee. "Did you get telepathy, too?"

"No, I just know you too well, Vince."

They laughed together for a moment. Mara sat back, wiping her eyes a little.

After that, everyone relaxed, and they all settled into their new relationship. They made it feel so simple. Audrey was Audrey, Mara was everyone else, and nobody had to lie or think about what story they had told before.

It felt like family.

People from all over town came. People from the station, citizens who Audrey had helped, even a young woman from the high school had come to ask for an interview for the school newspaper about the 'amazing missing twin'. Mara wondered how boring that school must be.

The most interesting visit happened on her third day conscious.

They were all sitting in the living room, Mara picking listlessly at a frozen waffle. She freely admitted the withdrawal was kicking her ass, and she'd had no appetite at all for the last two days, but she kept picking at that waffle so Duke would quit giving her the worried look.

There was a knock at the door and they all looked at each other, shrugging. Audrey and Nathan had started sleeping back in their own bed once Mara was lucid, but they still came every morning. Nobody seemed to be expecting company, so Nathan went with Duke to answer the door while Mara and Audrey kept looking at each other curiously.

That curious glance turned confused as Duke walked in, blushing furiously and refusing to look at their visitor. Nathan looked pretty damned uncomfortable too. Nobody had warned them that Chris Brody was in town.

Duke rubbed the back of his neck, refusing to look at anyone but Mara, and Audrey waved at Chris uncomfortably as she tried to disappear back into her seat.

"Mara, this is Chris Brody. He used to live here. Chris, this is Mara, Audrey's sister."

She had to bite her lip for a moment to keep from laughing. "Nice to meet you. You're the marine biologist, right?" She held out her hand to shake, he took it and kissed it instead.

Chris was smiling, obviously trying to turn on the charm. "I am. So, you've heard about me?"

"Yeah, I've heard a little about you. I don't know a lot of people here just yet. Are you staying in Haven?"

"For the time being, yeah. Just finished getting some work done in Europe, but I always seem to end up back here."

Mara chuckled. "I know how that can be."

Taking the seat closest to Mara without actually taking Duke's spot on the couch, Chris got comfortable.

"Audrey, you didn't tell me you had any siblings."

"Yeah, well, it's hard keeping siblings together in the system. Happens a lot. One kid gets sent to one foster home, one to a different one, or to a group home."

Mara understood why Duke and Nathan were so uncomfortable, and it made her laugh.

"So Mara, do you know much about Haven?"

She smiled wryly. "More than you'd think. You mean the Troubles?"

"Yeah, there is that.'

"I know about them. And yes, I'm immune, same as Audrey."

"Wow- do you know why?"

Ah, there it was. The excitement and interest that had made him chase Audrey. Humans always wanted what they couldn't have.

"Yeah, we're aliens."

Everyone looked around at each other, startled. People really were fun sometimes.

"Kidding. It's a genetic glitch. We're identical twins, so we're identical oddities."

"I heard you were in an accident. I'm sorry. How are you feeling? Anything you need, don't hesitate to call. I'd be happy to help."

"I've got a lot of help. I'd be lost without them. Especially Duke. He's been doing absolutely _everything_ for me. Audrey was kind enough to take me in when I needed help, but she can't carry me around or anything, and Duke has been a godsend." She smiled at Duke, taking his hand and tugging him down with her.

She leaned in close to whisper in Duke's ear. "Remember how I accidentally activated you? You're Immune. Calm down and trust me, you can look at him."

Duke chanced a look up and his whole body slumped. "Oh thank god." He wrapped his arms around Mara, kissing her gratefully. She could even _taste_ his gratitude and it made her laugh.

Chris, on the other hand, looked _crushed_.

"So, you and Duke, you're..."

"Dating? Yeah. Like I said, he's been taking care of me, and we just kind of... clicked. Not many men who would sit up with you for days on end just to make sure you're okay." She smiled lovingly at Duke, taking his hand.

It wasn't that she hated Chris. Well, mostly. She'd been horrified and disgusted when Audrey had started sleeping with him- honestly, she at least understood her attraction to Nathan, but Brody? Really?- But Mara hated that he was only (or, perhaps more specifically _primarily)_ into Audrey because she was the only one immune to him. She deserved more than that.

The fact that she got a little nauseated every time she thought of having sex with him wasn't his fault and she tried not to blame him for it. Audrey had been trying to take her mind off Nathan and Chris had helped with that. Kind of. For a few minutes.

There had been one time, one single time when Mara had actually helped Audrey on purpose. Audrey and Chris had been on a 'date', which meant they were at her place, in bed, and Audrey had been fantasizing. The second Mara knew she was about to say Nathan's name, Mara had acted almost through reflex, keeping the wail wordless.

She'd covered for Audrey, but that five seconds still made Mara want to shower.

The women looked at each other, obviously thinking of the same moment and froze, both on the edge of laughter, both fighting it for all they were worth.

Trying to save them both, Mara grabbed Duke's hand. "Hey, it's time to change the bandages, you told me to remind you." She gazed at Duke imploringly and like the gentleman he was, he stood immediately, nodding and playing along. She raised her arms a little, still watching his eyes, and he didn't miss a beat, scooping her up though she'd been walking for days.

He carried her to the bedroom, pushing the door closed behind him. "So, what did I just assist with?" He laid her on the bed, stretching out next to her.

"Audrey and I just had a really funny thought and we were both about to start laughing, we were setting each other off. So to protect the ego of Chris Brody, I removed myself until she's calm."

Duke thought her words over for a second before burying his face against Mara to laugh. "Oh god, she said Nate's name, didn't she?"

Mara rolled onto her side so they could whisper together. "She was about to! It's one of the very, very few times I purposely acted just to protect her and not 'us'. Not a survival thing. I took over long enough to keep her from using any words at all, but damn, she still owes me. That's the problem with a memory like mine. I don't forget, so I get grossed out every time."

Duke pulled her closer, tucking her against his body.

Jealous Duke was one of her favorites.

"We could overwrite that memory right now."

Now this had possibilities. She hadn't had sex since before she got sick, Duke was so afraid to break her. But maybe Jealous Duke could remedy that.

"How would we do that?"

His fingers were teasing around her waistband, and he looked hesitant. "I keep forgetting how sick you've been."

No, no, no. Must keep Jealous Duke and send Worried Duke to the corner. Mara was tired of sitting and thinking and worrying.

"You know what I can't forget?

"Huh?"

She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "When I had to take over to save Audrey's ass, I had to _feel that man inside me_. You know how I am about sex. Now every time he looks at me I get all queasy, I know he's thinking about that twin thing. I mean, can you imagine? It was _my body_.

"I know I don't look my best, but I want you, Duke. I want you to be the only one I feel."

He still tooked hesitant, so she pulled off her shirt, bringing his hand to her breast as she stretched to kiss him.

"Make it go away, Duke. Make it so I can't feel anyone but you. We have at least 15 more uninterrupted minutes." Was it underhanded and wrong to resort to using his devoted nature against him like this? Absolutely.

Was Mara willing to take that karmic hit?

Hell yes.

She pushed her hand down between them, under his waistband. He was half-hard and she wrapped her hand around him, squeezing and pulling slowly. Her thumb ran over the head and his eyes went dark, the hand on her breast squeezing, and she felt him crack just a moment before he muttered, "Fuck it, I can't wait."

He surged forward to kiss her insistently, and she pulled off his shirt, pressing herself tight against him as she fought to open his fly.

When they were both bare, Duke rolled them so he could watch her, rubbing himself against her until she was gasping his name. Smiling, his eyes never left hers as he pressed into her.

It had been too long, and she couldn't breathe. Mara's legs came up to lock around Duke's hips and he started moving- really moving, not like she was a fragile china doll. She heard the sound of their skin slapping together and her back arched, pulling at him harder.

"Yes, gods yes, I missed this so much. Harder, please!" She fought to whisper, scratching his back and sucking on his neck, marking him. It felt like they'd been apart for a lifetime, and Duke's hand shot out so he could brace himself on the wall, somehow managing to push deeper, to give her even more of himself.

In that moment, Mara was certain he'd give her all of himself, if she were to ask. A possible future stretched out ahead of her as she examined the Paths of Possibilty, but it was a certain one that stopped her, that piqued her interest.

She and Duke, together. She was free, Audrey was free, and while the Troubles may never really die out, they were managing.

They were happy.

They were friends.

Friends with _kids_.

Mara could make a future with Duke. A _home_. Something neither of them had ever had before.

She could be more than this broken shell. More than sharp, jagged edges that cut everyone who tried to touch her. Maybe she could be _loved_.

She whispered against his lips, between frantic kisses. "I need you. I can't stand the thought of you with anyone else. Please, Duke, please. Be mine."

His breath stopped completely and his head fell back, spine arched as he pushed so deep she wasn't sure where she ended and he began. He stayed like that for a long moment, purposely altering into a smooth, slow rhythm.

"Say it again." He was moving slowly, but continuously. His eyes burned, silver shooting through the black.

"I need you. I don't want you with anyone else. I want you to be mine!"

"Say you love me, Mara."

"You're the only one I ever _have_ loved! I don't know who I am anymore and sometimes I don't even care because you're still there."

He pushed harder and faster, and suddenly Mara knew exactly what he was doing. She couldn't lie to him- not out of spite or to stroke his ego.

He was getting every question answered.

But she could do this. "I get so jealous when you're with other women. I was stuck, trapped, watching them throw themselves at you. I was working overtime to get Audrey to _not_ make a pass at you." She met him thrust for thrust, pulling him hard against her.

She could barely breathe; her vision blackening, Mara snarled, "I was the one who should have carried your first baby. I've loved you longer than any of them!"

Something about those words- the honesty or acceptance or something she couldn't comprehend sent Duke over the edge, and as he thrust raggedly into her, his voice full of hushed groans while he came, she fell apart around him.

When she could focus again, Mara stared up at Duke, touching his hair where it was starting to get unruly, falling into his face. He was still inside her and she squeezed around him gently, watching his face. His eyes slipped closed and he smiled. "Further proof that god likes women more than men. You can have multiple orgasms within minutes without being hooked to some kind of gatorade IV."

She laughed quietly and Duke pulled out as he said, "Remind me to make you laugh again next time, because- wow."

They wore matching cheshire grins as they pulled their clothes on and Mara was pleased to note that her bite was obvious even with his clothes on. "I guess you have to carry me back out there, since you did set the precedent."

Duke scooped her up like she weighed nothing. "You're very wise. Now tell me, did we get the Chris memory out of your head?"

"Chris who now?"

Duke's grin only got wider. "That's my girl."

Duke carried Mara back to the living room, settling her gently on the couch. He went to get them water while Audrey gave her 'the look'. "How are the bandages doing, Mara?"

Silly Audrey. "Much better, thanks. There's just too much space that I can't reach well."

Chris coughed into his coffee, and his voice sounded a little strangled. "If you don't mind my asking, how are you hurt?"

Mara's voice was barely hidden laughter as she replied. "Lots of damage. I got very lucky, I could have died. But I'll live. No patient could refuse those puppydog eyes, and since I needed help anyway..."

Mara could _feel_ Nathan's irritation through the Aether. He hadn't been made immune to Brody and his 'Trouble' and he felt like an idiot, constantly having to keep his eyes away from Chris.

Eventually, Mara took pity. "Come here for a second, Nathan?"

Happy for the distraction, Nathan jumped up and came right over, leaning over Mara next to Duke. "What can I do?"

Mara's hand came up to curl around the back of his neck, squeezing as she stared into his eyes. "You can be yourself, steady Nathan Wuornos, but you'll have a much higher than normal resistance to the Troubles. I haven't figured out how to give full immunity to a human yet, but I will. This should be enough to hold off the current issue at the moment. Do you trust me?"

Nathan settled on the balls of his feet, looking curiously at Mara. "What do you mean?"

Mara leaned close to Nathan's ear, whispering. "I need to use Aether on you. I'm sorry, but you look so uncomfortable and I swear I'll only alter the Immunity sequence. It at least gives you a fighting chance in a Trouble call. Can you trust me enough to do this for you?"

The tiny smile that curled his lips made her feel so happy, and when he said, "Please, I trust you." Mara's smile was almost blinding. Keeping her hand on his neck, Mara _pushed_ , letting the Aether in her body flow into Nathan, replacing the Aether that had made him numb, making him closer to Mara's side of Immunity. A gift, not a curse or a Trouble.

When she nodded to him and let go, only she, Duke and Audrey could see the black handprint edged in fire on his neck. He chanced a glimpse at Chris and relaxed, winking at Mara and taking his place with Audrey, arm possessively around her shoulders.

Dear gods, Nathan had willingly allowed her to use Aether on him.

Either he was starting to really trust her or he was really sick of loving Chris Brody.

Maybe both.

Probably both.

Happy and relaxed, Mara said, "So, Chris, how long are you in Haven for?"

"That's actually open-ended, really."

Audrey tried to sound conversational, but Mara could hear the dread in her voice. "Wow, what happened to London?"

"I followed your advice. I got what I needed, but then I was done and I figured, why not come back and see if I can help."

Mara squeezed Duke's hand, hard. She was biting her tongue. He wanted to _help_ after nearly getting her and other people killed because he thought he was smarter and more important than the rest of them. She and Audrey would have been dead, no way to ever end the Troubles.

And he wanted to _help_.

"Duke, a word?"

He hopped up to lift Mara with a jaunty, "Be right back". In the bedroom, he set her down and she looked at him seriously.

"I know I'm not well, I know, but hear me out. That man will cause nothing but problems, and now he's going to fixate on me just like he did Audrey, because I'm immune. It's not that he deserves the cure right away, but I do fear he may need it."

"Mara, it's got to be able to wait a few days. You're just starting to get better." She took a breath, reminding herself that Duke was simply worried for her.

"A few days, Duke, but I sure as hell hope we don't regret this."

"It'll be fine. Everyone out there loves him."

"Yes, but until we have Aetherling guards, that means the people watching my mother love him, too. If he manages to talk to the Guards, there's nothing he can't make them do. He's egotistical enough to think he can make Momma do what he wants. He doesn't understand that she's immune from most Troubles. He already almost got us killed once.

"So we have only two options. Either I cure him or create the Aetherlings. With him here and active, he could be a real danger. We ought to talk to him either way, but I have to do something."

Duke looked thoughtful. "You're scared. If you believe Brody is a danger to what's going on... I'm with you, whatever you choose, but I'm worried about you. I wake up at night sometimes and I freak out for a second because I'll think you're still in those first few days and you won't remember me if I wake you up. It scares me."

Mara held him close, her hand on the back of his head so she could speak against Duke's ear. "I'm sorry I scared you, I truly am, and I don't want to get sick either. But I'd really rather risk a temporary relapse than have someone with his ability walking around free when Momma is locked up. He's so used to getting what he wants now, I think he honestly believes he's tougher than the rest of us, even though he knows nothing. I'll talk to him and give him the option of being reasonable. It's all I can do, right?"

He stroked her hair back. "Yeah, Mara. It's all you can do."

"I'm trying to calculate the biggest cost/benefit analysis. If I can talk to him and heal him, great. One orb.

"If he resists me, then I have no choice but to create at least a couple of Aetherlings immediately. There is no good option right now. I'm a little worried. But his Trouble wouldn't work on Aetherlings, and I have to continue processing bits of Aether at a time. At least this way it'll be in favor of the greater good. I'll just want you to stay with me. I promised Dwight I'd make guards anyway. Let's see if we can get him out here. Besides, he'll be the only one not immune to Chris, so that'll be fun, at least."

Duke laughed as they squeezed each other again. "Okay, okay. I trust you. With Aetherlings, she's guarded no matter what. Just please, if you start feeling sick, stop."

"I promise. I'll call and see if Dwight can come get them." She took out a pouch of orbs as she dialed.

"Hello?"

"Dwight, sorry you to bother you on your personal cell, but there's been a new development and I think we need to bring the Aetherlings in now. Can you come pick them up if I create them now?"

"Sure, but what's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Not yet, but unchecked it will. Chris Brody came back. We can't leave guards who he could potentially sway. I think we all know he's not 100% trustworthy if it'll save his own skin. He has no set plans to leave. We have to get ahead of this before he gets involved."

"Shit."

"Yeah, that's exactly what I keep thinking."

"I can be over in about 15 minutes?"

"Thank you, Dwight."

"Anytime, Mara."

She hung up thinking about how strange people were. She'd gone from being despised, feared enemy to friend, lover and sister. Humans really were strange creatures.

Duke brought Mara back to the couch, and she gathered her thoughts. "Chris, obviously you know about the Troubles, but there's a long, long history that goes with that. I'll tell you if you want, but I'm relying on your discretion. This isn't a game or a joke, people have died because of this."

Chris leaned back in his seat, settling in. Yes, his eyes kept wandering, but he was at least listening.

Mara's eyes unfocused and her hand gripped Duke's.

She held up her wrist so Chris could see the Maze. "I'm like you, in a way. Troubled. I was actually the first Troubled person, I was born this way even though it wasn't passed on genetically like yours."

Mara gave him the very basic details, reminding him repeatedly that Charlotte was dangerous. Worse than dangerous.

Chris looked like he was paying very close attention, focused completely, but the Aether in him told Mara everything. He believed he could manipulate Charlotte. He was certain he was strong enough to outmaneuver the doctor, getting Mara or Audrey's affections in the process. There was no way he was going to let his Trouble go.

Time to pull out the big guns.

Mara cradled her pouch of orbs. It had been awhile, but she hadn't forgotten. She used the Aether inside her, directing it to take on human form. He was wearing cotton pants and shirt- the kind of clothing Mara could manufacture. She put her hand on his to steady him, and he smiled at her, coming to sit at her feet.

She stroked the Aetherling's hair as her other hand created another Aetherling. Female this time, smaller but quick as lightning. She too sat at Mara's feet, wearing a white sundress, her auburn hair falling to her shoulders.

For good measure, she pushed out one more, another man with black hair and a mischievous smile who made her think a little of Duke.

The Aetherlings settled around Mara, and Chris's eyes were round and shocked. "I- what the hell just happened? I know Haven, and that... that is not a Trouble I have ever seen."

"These are my friends. They help me when regular people can't."

"But do they just live inside you? How many people are in there?"

"Just me in here. I just help give them form. Dwight is on the way, he's going to pick them up to help ensure that _nobody_ gets to my mother. The Aetherlings are immune to Troubles, aren't petty or narcissistic or vindictive like normal people are." The shivering set in, and she fought to keep her teeth from chattering.

Chris looked concerned. "You- you don't look like you feel very well. Can I do something?"

Duke's voice was almost a snarl as he muttered, "I've got her. Thanks."

He pressed his face against hers, mouth to ear. "This wouldn't even be necessary if it weren't for him. Fuck, are you getting warm again?"

Even whispering, she sounded exhausted. "No worse than this morning. Minor setback. Maybe we'll sleep better now." Mara rested her head against his neck, just waiting for Dwight so she could get some sleep.

Mara thought she was having issues, but poor Audrey; though she appeared calm, Mara could feel her discomfort. Nathan was looking very pleased though.

"Must be a culture shock, going from Europe to Haven. How's the transition?"

"It's kind of like when you go away for college and you come back. Everything is different. Aside from Audrey, Mara is the only person I've encountered who isn't affected. On the bright side, I've raised a lot for the environmental funds I've been working on."

It was still worth a try.

"Chris, if we had a way to remove your Trouble, without killing you, what would you want to do?"

Well, that caught him of guard.

"I gave up on that a long time ago. I've never liked being the center of attention, but I use it to try and do good things. People listen to me who never would have before."

"You can say _that_ again." Audrey mumbled under her breath. That was one thing Mara understood and respected- Audrey and Mara were alike in some ways, primarily being able to hold a grudge.

Mara nodded thoughtfully. "So you've found practical applications for your ability. You won't want to let go of it."

"I thought there _was_ no way to get rid of a Trouble. What's going on?"

"That's the thing, Chris. Science is ever-evolving. Yes, we can remove your Trouble. But as long as you're not hurting anyone, it should be your choice. But that 'not hurting anyone' extends to not allowing others to be hurt because of your ability. If someone who knows what they're doing- say, a cop- tells you to do something in an emergency, then you _do it_."

"Wait, that- that's not how it happened, you can't just listen to what other people say-"

"Brody. Shut it." Mara stared holes in him, pointing her finger at him. "I'm not done talking. You look me in my eye and tell me you didn't betray Audrey's confidence and give an abusive son of a bitch access to her weapon. You look at me and tell me you didn't almost get her and whoever else killed because you were _inconvenienced_. I dare you. I'm not a moron, that's the very first thing you should know about me."

Chris got very wide eyed and pale. He also looked disturbingly turned on. She wondered if he just really missed getting slapped. "You're right. I did, and I'm sorry."

"Just don't bullshit me. I don't like when people lie to me. If I ask a question I want an honest answer. I'm not one of those women who fish for compliments by asking if a dress makes my ass look too big."

Nathan, Audrey and Duke all stared in shock, but Mara relaxed back into the couch. Duke handed her two Tylenol with that half-smile that he reserved for when she surprised him and Mara took them without hesitation.

There was frantic pounding on the door, and Duke leapt up to check it out, letting Dwight in. Dwight looked panicked, something they'd never really seen before, and Mara sat straight, the Aetherlings jumping up to stand at attention.

"Dwight, what's wrong?" Mara didn't want to know, but she needed to.

"You've got to hide, you and Audrey both. There's a Trouble, and they're looking for you."


End file.
